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I need your opinion / advices, i'm lost with this "friendship"..

JessisMe

JessisMe

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Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
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Location
Nashua NH
It's funny you're talking about that because 2 days ago i've tried something to "socialise more" and get rid of me being shy.

I'm answering to @SeattleBP1 and @Blooming in the same time, and no worries i appreciated what you wrote, i know that i have to work on that.

2 Days ago I decided i had to talk with strangers, in order to make friends.

Since in France we're in lockdown due to the virus, so i've went to my facebook list, and there is some people i never talked to, i don't even know them.

So i went like, let's talk to this guy, (who is cute btw).

So he answered something like "Hello, do we know each others ?"

I basically found an excuses such has "You have a manga cover on your facebook, are you watching this one" and we started chatting a little bit since he said "sure let's talk but about what ?"

And since he was not really "into it" i decided to say the truth which is that, i was trying to socialize, that i did not have much friends, almost none and that i was trying to make new ones.

He said "Well, i'm at work, i'll answer later".

Still waiting for his answer but i'm proud of myself for trying that step.
Have you tried the groups on Facebook? There might be some with people in your region looking to meet. xo, j
 
Blooming

Blooming

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It's funny you're talking about that because 2 days ago i've tried something to "socialise more" and get rid of me being shy.

I'm answering to @SeattleBP1 and @Blooming in the same time, and no worries i appreciated what you wrote, i know that i have to work on that.

2 Days ago I decided i had to talk with strangers, in order to make friends.

Since in France we're in lockdown due to the virus, so i've went to my facebook list, and there is some people i never talked to, i don't even know them.

So i went like, let's talk to this guy, (who is cute btw).

So he answered something like "Hello, do we know each others ?"

I basically found an excuses such has "You have a manga cover on your facebook, are you watching this one" and we started chatting a little bit since he said "sure let's talk but about what ?"

And since he was not really "into it" i decided to say the truth which is that, i was trying to socialize, that i did not have much friends, almost none and that i was trying to make new ones.

He said "Well, i'm at work, i'll answer later".

Still waiting for his answer but i'm proud of myself for trying that step.
To be honest: To tell people that you have no friends is no good way to to start a friendship. You are 22. If you need social competance google for books at that topic ...
 
W

Woskana

Member
Joined
Apr 28, 2021
Messages
11
Location
FRANCE
Have you tried the groups on Facebook? There might be some with people in your region looking to meet. xo, j
That might be an idea.

To be honest: To tell people that you have no friends is no good way to to start a friendship. You are 22. If you need social competance google for books at that topic ...
That was rough lol. Well, i'm doing my best.
 
Blooming

Blooming

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That might be an idea.



That was rough lol. Well, i'm doing my best.
I believe in honest feedback. That gives people the opportunity to grow, to take a hand on their problems and to make a plan that may work for them. If we give people a pat on the back when they do something that is not appropriate, we only "help" them to experience more disappointments

I did not search for a book for you, but made a suggestion that you could do that yourself. That is faith in that you are able! :hug1:
 
Blooming

Blooming

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That might be an idea.



That was rough lol. Well, i'm doing my best.
I want to add something. Of course you are doing your best, but if you have been so much alone as your first post gives the impression of, there have to be some social clues you have missed on your road. That does not mean that you are not good enough, only that there probably are "things" you have to learn before you start to make friends. As I said in a former post, seek membership in a group you share interests with. Take it easy at first, listen to what they are talking about, go home and read about those topics and little by little take part in their conversation.

Don't expect to find a best friend at once. Try to be happy because at least you belong to the group. As you know, people who are married can feel sexual attraction to others than the person they are married to, but they don't act on it. Maybe you need to learn to be among other men just as one of the others before you start dating?

My post was not meant as a degrading post. There is always hope if one tries "the right horse". If one chooses "the wrong horse", the horse will throw you off. Knowledge is a good "thing".

(y)
 
2

2Much2Feel

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US
I want to add something. Of course you are doing your best, but if you have been so much alone as your first post gives the impression of, there have to be some social clues you have missed on your road. That does not mean that you are not good enough, only that there probably are "things" you have to learn before you start to make friends. As I said in a former post, seek membership in a group you share interests with. Take it easy at first, listen to what they are talking about, go home and read about those topics and little by little take part in their conversation.

Don't expect to find a best friend at once. Try to be happy because at least you belong to the group. As you know, people who are married can feel sexual attraction to others than the person they are married to, but they don't act on it. Maybe you need to learn to be among other men just as one of the others before you start dating?

My post was not meant as a degrading post. There is always hope if one tries "the right horse". If one chooses "the wrong horse", the horse will throw you off. Knowledge is a good "thing".

(y)
Very true. And when we're down, the words that can help us can be taken as criticism or "you're not doing it right" when really they are not criticism, it's just easier on the outside sometimes to see a problem more clearly and help push. It doesn't mean you're bad or wrong or whatever, everyone has to work at different issues. It's just something to try, to see if it helps you. We're all here to try to help out :)
 
W

Woskana

Member
Joined
Apr 28, 2021
Messages
11
Location
FRANCE
I thought about something recently..

If he doesn't wants me in his life anymore, why would he keep him on his social medias..? He could block me on discord and faceboon very easily..
 
W

Woskana

Member
Joined
Apr 28, 2021
Messages
11
Location
FRANCE
Well, a little update here.

I've tried to call him this night, but it's ringing (He did not cut the phone call tho, he was busy or he let it ring).

I just wanted to take some news, to know how his mom is doing, and to see if he's ok..

One thing i forgot to mention in my initial post tho :

One night we were playing on discord, 2 days before he went to my flat, and suddendly we talked about being open minded etc.. and so I asked "so, are you gay, or bi or something.. ?"

And he exploded, like became angry like hell for no reason "No, and i don't fucking see why are we talking about that again, wtf ?!" (it was the first time we talked about that).

I just wanted to add this, maybe it changes or help your way of thinking.

This eats me from inside, i feel like i got played, that i lost a friend.. feeling really bad right now.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
7,892
Location
Nashua NH
Well, a little update here.

I've tried to call him this night, but it's ringing (He did not cut the phone call tho, he was busy or he let it ring).

I just wanted to take some news, to know how his mom is doing, and to see if he's ok..

One thing i forgot to mention in my initial post tho :

One night we were playing on discord, 2 days before he went to my flat, and suddendly we talked about being open minded etc.. and so I asked "so, are you gay, or bi or something.. ?"

And he exploded, like became angry like hell for no reason "No, and i don't fucking see why are we talking about that again, wtf ?!" (it was the first time we talked about that).

I just wanted to add this, maybe it changes or help your way of thinking.

This eats me from inside, i feel like i got played, that i lost a friend.. feeling really bad right now.
I can see where you could feel like you got played. You valued the friendship with this person and they are signaling to you that they don’t. I think it’s important to keep in mind that we don’t know what their reasons for avoiding you are so it’s impossible to know whether you got played or not. It seems more likely that he just wants to break from the friendship for reasons unknown. It’s okay, though, you can make new friends. Especially with this friendship under your belt you have more practice in being a friend now. There are all kinds of interesting people out there. Try not to focus so much on what you have lost, focus more on all you have to gain. xo, j
 
W

Woskana

Member
Joined
Apr 28, 2021
Messages
11
Location
FRANCE
Alright, last update here, i think i finally have the reason of everything.

Since i was in a very bad state, a friend of mine managed to talk to him (since he was answering to him and not to me) and so here's the reason he stopped answering to me :

"Well, there is not particular reason, that's how it is, maybe i'll talk to him again one day, maybe not, he did nothing wrong to me, he has been nice to me as i've been nice to him"

So well.. i don't feel bad, i don't feel anything at all.

I don't know how to take it.. I think it settles everything, but i feel like i still was played a bit thought.

What do you people think ?
 
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