- Jun 6, 2021
We’re both 22. Young adults trying to figure out the world. I will try my best to just listen and to be there for her. Although sometimes I just want to react because it feels like I’m allowing stuff. And I do have issues with being assertive ( but that’s much more my issue).If you don't mind me asking how old are you? If you're still a teenager, life is too short trying to fix someone else, but that's just me and my own opinion. Not a professional. Now if you are older and more mature, I'd say you should be in therapy together, or at least participate in therapy. I'd highly recommend that be a "rule", if she has BPD and is able to afford it, she should be in it, if she's showing symptoms like that. I do understand when people aren't able to afford it too. I'd just be empathetic, and validate her feelings, but that doesn't mean you have to tolerate toxic behavior if it's abusive. It takes a very special person to be with people like us, and a lot of effort on both our parts. Sometimes you just have to let us vent. You validate "I understand why you feel like that...". Whatever you do don't change the subject, because that usually sets me off. Just validate, try to understand, stay calm, and if she's done something wrong or hurt you, wait and bring it up at a better time when things are calm. The goal is to get her to calm down. I'll be honest, my boyfriend basically just listens to me, and doesn't say anything unless I prompt him. He constantly reassures me that he loves me no matter what, but I do communicate a lot about the darker parts of my soul and let him inside, and I always apologize after I've overreacted. I had to teach myself a long time to do that.
Again, I'm not a professional, but hopefully this helps. Also read books on DBT.
I do think doing therapy together would be great! I will be looking into that and seeing if she wants to.
Right now we figure things out and we are ok now. But next time that anything happens, I will go by as everyone advised. Thanks for your reply.