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I need your help.. living with someone with BPD

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B3X17

New member
Joined
Sep 16, 2021
Messages
2
Location
Manchester
Hello, my partner has BPD, we have been together for 9 years, he told me his diagnosis a couple of months into our relationship. Admittedly I was naive at the time but over the years I've read what I can to get some level of understanding. The years haven't been easy, mistakes have been made on both sides.

But the reality of my situation is no matter how much I read, I don't know what it's like for him, I don't feel what he feels. He doesn't really explain it to me that well, it's difficult for him, understandably.

I just want to know how I can help, he's reluctant with drs. We dont know what medication actually works and a therapist of any kind he says no to. He doesn't want to drag up bad memories.
But how do I help him?

I thought why not ask people going through the same thing. What helps you?

I've read some posts and it breaks my heart he could be feeling like the way some of you do.
 
OneDayAtATime156

OneDayAtATime156

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 29, 2021
Messages
114
Location
Wisconsin
Your concern and empathy for your partner is really so kind. Thank you for coming here.

If he is scared of therapy because of bringing up trauma, I would recommend looking up counselors who practice/are educated in CBT or DBT rather than psychotherapy. Psychotherapy is just talking and more likely to want to discuss/process trauma. He could start with a therapist that knows about other forms of treatment, and tell them from the beginning that he doesn't want to talk about the past, or wants to avoid talking about period X to X in his life. A good therapist will always respect the patient and their boundaries.

Meditation/mindfulness is really helpful too. There are apps like Breathe, Calm, or Headspace for learning and practicing mindfulness. It allows you to see your thoughts as more passive rather than letting them control you.

I also take medicine but it took years to find the "right" combination. Even now it isn't perfect. But they do help.
 
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Bobbyewing

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2021
Messages
528
Location
Dublin
Hello, my partner has BPD, we have been together for 9 years, he told me his diagnosis a couple of months into our relationship. Admittedly I was naive at the time but over the years I've read what I can to get some level of understanding. The years haven't been easy, mistakes have been made on both sides.

But the reality of my situation is no matter how much I read, I don't know what it's like for him, I don't feel what he feels. He doesn't really explain it to me that well, it's difficult for him, understandably.

I just want to know how I can help, he's reluctant with drs. We dont know what medication actually works and a therapist of any kind he says no to. He doesn't want to drag up bad memories.
But how do I help him?

I thought why not ask people going through the same thing. What helps you?

I've read some posts and it breaks my heart he could be feeling like the way some of you do.
I think he is lucky to have you. I'd read a few books on dialectic behavior therapy and leave them lying around the house.
In the end of the day though he has to decide to get help
Do you find him manageable to live with? Sometimes you got to leave people with their pain.
If you feel his condition is causing your relationship trouble then you have a right to request him to get help
BDP is a treatable condition in the sense you can moderate it. In some cases rid yourself of the main elements.
Everyone gets it in a different way. Sometimes I think disorders are treated like prophecy from God. They ain't. It's a pretty new science. It's more like a road sign than a destination. Some people wrap themselves around a diagnosis and pretend nothing can be done. In most cases this is bullshit
 
B

B3X17

New member
Joined
Sep 16, 2021
Messages
2
Location
Manchester
Thanks for your responses.
For the most part its manageable. But there's days (like today) where he was in crisis, and I've spent most the week trying to fix some of the things triggering him and we also have 3 young children. I felt stretched to my limit today and I snapped.

And I feel so guilty for then triggering him further and then it ends up in a vicious circle. I hate it when I'm the one trying to help but also making it worse.
Although he's been splitting the last few days.
Anyways I rung the NHS 111 and they've referred me to the Mental Health Crisis Team who are supposed to ring back at some point. Still waiting but he's alot calmer now he knows help is coming.
 
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Bobbyewing

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2021
Messages
528
Location
Dublin
The important thing is he gets help.
 
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