• Share. Be Supported. Recover.

    We are a friendly, safe community supporting each other's mental health. We are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

I need to unload and don't know how to talk about stuff so this is my shout in to the void

W

Whqwerty

New member
Joined
Mar 31, 2021
Messages
2
Location
England
Sorry I just needed to say something some were I gess mostly just to salidfy my thoughts and I find this one specific aspect of my mental health really really hard to talk about with anyone some times anominty helps, but I think my lonelyness right in this moment is hurting like an extream amount so I gess this is just my stream in to the void. But I think there is a bit of Me missing that I don't know how to discribe like I think people like me I think I have had deep empaphtic emotional relationships with freinds and family but there seems to be a bit me seems to missing I have been depressed most of my life and wile I do have strong friendships and what not I iam often sad (mostly without really knowing why) as much as I love my freinds and family I have always still felt this wierd indiscrible bit of me missing, this is all stuff my freinds and support network know as we do all discuss mental health. One of the biggest. Bits that seems to be missing for me, (I litraly find typing this difficult) hard is the more romantic and intamadate part of life. This side of life I assumed for like a large part of my life I just assumed this is just not something I will I don't know be part of? (O I am 30 years old for context) How ever I have resently met some one that I have romantic feelings for and I have basically over lock down been developing strong feelings for. We have messaged about genral stuff and talk often,however dew to lock down and her living somewhere else not really spent much time, so already I have to be carfull how much o can trust my feelings as in like I have to be carful not to kind of put massive expections on a part of my life I have pritty much opted out of because I dont like my self, but anyway we talked and I started to get feelings. I had been on anti depressants before and had mostly started a kind of comfy numbness in everyday life I was getting used to and this has been quite the gosh darn shock to the system, and I literally cant seem to stop thinking about these feelings wich is intently frustrating and feels like o am on drugs with crazy mood swings so anyway she is moving to my home town now and we spent the day together had a really nice walk and it was really lovely. When I got home however I realized that basically this is defently not going to go anywhere first I am pritty sure she only sees me as a freind and secondly even if that was not the case wich of course I don't really know unless I ask her or talk about it with her but even if there was a very small chance she did see me in any other kind of way I would not matter cos that intanmate aspect of Me just dose not seem to exist. But I gess that is fine in a way it's conformation of my suspected lonelyness but I am now really worried that shitty thoughts will enter my head like blame and anger or feeling something is owed and jelousey however I really really don't want that to happen like I know that as much as I might want romance I just can't realistically see it happening but that is hard to kind of take and now I am sat in bed nearly crying from lonelyness I am sad and worrie my madness and sadness might make over people sad cos I think I might find it hard to be around her cos she is a lovely person I really do more want to be freinds with then ruin anything by being wired around her cos off this cos she dose not diserve that know one dose any sorry about this I was just in bed crying and really just needed to right this down but I gess thats what alchole will do. I am not sure i can help my self out of this, or if I will get a reply or what that reply could even possibly acheave but I am hoping in writing this out at least be cothartic sorry also dyslexic so some of this may be hard to read
 
jajingna

jajingna

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 31, 2020
Messages
8,222
Location
Canada
Welcome to the forum. It's a good place to unload. I'm not sure what benefits there are to be had, but I guess writing down some things is better than nothing. What you're going through sounds pretty common, so lots of people will be able to relate to that. It's not easy to make good connections with people, and finding a partner is tough for many people.
 
W

Whqwerty

New member
Joined
Mar 31, 2021
Messages
2
Location
England
Welcome to the forum. It's a good place to unload. I'm not sure what benefits there are to be had, but I guess writing down some things is better than nothing. What you're going through sounds pretty common, so lots of people will be able to relate to that. It's not easy to make good connections with people, and finding a partner is tough for many people.
Thanks sorry I don't know I have just been so kind of void and distent to all my emotions (not a health aspect of depression i know but easy) but this has all nocked me for a loop and it's starting to feel like when things were real bad before
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
2,452
Sorry I just needed to say something some were I gess mostly just to salidfy my thoughts and I find this one specific aspect of my mental health really really hard to talk about with anyone some times anominty helps, but I think my lonelyness right in this moment is hurting like an extream amount so I gess this is just my stream in to the void. But I think there is a bit of Me missing that I don't know how to discribe like I think people like me I think I have had deep empaphtic emotional relationships with freinds and family but there seems to be a bit me seems to missing I have been depressed most of my life and wile I do have strong friendships and what not I iam often sad (mostly without really knowing why) as much as I love my freinds and family I have always still felt this wierd indiscrible bit of me missing, this is all stuff my freinds and support network know as we do all discuss mental health. One of the biggest. Bits that seems to be missing for me, (I litraly find typing this difficult) hard is the more romantic and intamadate part of life. This side of life I assumed for like a large part of my life I just assumed this is just not something I will I don't know be part of? (O I am 30 years old for context) How ever I have resently met some one that I have romantic feelings for and I have basically over lock down been developing strong feelings for. We have messaged about genral stuff and talk often,however dew to lock down and her living somewhere else not really spent much time, so already I have to be carfull how much o can trust my feelings as in like I have to be carful not to kind of put massive expections on a part of my life I have pritty much opted out of because I dont like my self, but anyway we talked and I started to get feelings. I had been on anti depressants before and had mostly started a kind of comfy numbness in everyday life I was getting used to and this has been quite the gosh darn shock to the system, and I literally cant seem to stop thinking about these feelings wich is intently frustrating and feels like o am on drugs with crazy mood swings so anyway she is moving to my home town now and we spent the day together had a really nice walk and it was really lovely. When I got home however I realized that basically this is defently not going to go anywhere first I am pritty sure she only sees me as a freind and secondly even if that was not the case wich of course I don't really know unless I ask her or talk about it with her but even if there was a very small chance she did see me in any other kind of way I would not matter cos that intanmate aspect of Me just dose not seem to exist. But I gess that is fine in a way it's conformation of my suspected lonelyness but I am now really worried that shitty thoughts will enter my head like blame and anger or feeling something is owed and jelousey however I really really don't want that to happen like I know that as much as I might want romance I just can't realistically see it happening but that is hard to kind of take and now I am sat in bed nearly crying from lonelyness I am sad and worrie my madness and sadness might make over people sad cos I think I might find it hard to be around her cos she is a lovely person I really do more want to be freinds with then ruin anything by being wired around her cos off this cos she dose not diserve that know one dose any sorry about this I was just in bed crying and really just needed to right this down but I gess thats what alchole will do. I am not sure i can help my self out of this, or if I will get a reply or what that reply could even possibly acheave but I am hoping in writing this out at least be cothartic sorry also dyslexic so some of this may be hard to read

Hi there welcome to the Forum :) It's great that you have found this new connection :) Have you mentioned how you enjoy your chats with her, and how she uplifts your day etc? You don't have to go into any great detail, and it's a great way to find out if those sentiments are reciprocated. There are many ways to test the water and form closer bonds, and if she doesn't feel the same way towards you, you'll know where you stand. Hope this helps :)
 

Similar threads

Top