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Jimny

Jimny

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I met with my ex last night, there is still so much hurt and anger there.
We are both trying to get past that, I find it very difficult to leave things with animosity I always want to clear the air.

So very hard seeing her again, the conversation is difficult as ever but then the guards come down and things are said honestly. It's always this honesty that I want to hear, it just takes a while to get there.

I still have very deep feelings for her, we both admitted where we messed up.
I know I have to take this time to work on myself, it certainly sounds like she is doing the same.
The confusing part for me is whether I am desperately holding on to something or genuinely wanting to give her space and understanding. Should I even be there?

Ideally this talk we had would be enough, we both go away and do our thing and then see what happens, the reality is I am awake worrying about my own actions and what I do next.
 
Jimny

Jimny

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I'm just not letting go, it's killing me.
 
katya

katya

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I'm so sorry, Jimmy. Break-ups are a terrible shock to the system.

There's no other situation like it in most people's lives. One day you have a loving partner whose life you share, and the next, everything changes, they're not there anymore and you have to weigh up everything in your life differently.

And that person is different towards you. It's like a death in that respect. And like the ground's been pulled from underneath you.

I bet you're not eating, sleeping, can't concentrate, always tearful and your body is like, Why is this happening?

My colleague's going through this at the moment; she drives me into work and she's in fucking pieces every minute of the day.

It hurts so, so, so much for a while, but it will get better. You will get through this. People do. I know that thought is totally alien to you at the moment, and the last thing you want to happen, but I hope you can find some solace in the fact that this pain is not forever. Please surround yourself with understanding people, don't allow yourself to focus on it too much - obviously let yourself feel the pain, because you need to process it and get over it - but you must be kind to yourself. Your body and your mind are going through a terrible trauma.

The best thing you can do to allow yourself to heal is break it off; you must think, I can't do this to myself anymore; I have to draw a line in the sand, and then do it. You cannot be constantly going back and forth in your mind, wanting to work things out, because you'll never allow yourself to heal.

It doesn't sound like you're ready to do that yet and that is okay - it's completely understandable. But one day you will, and that's when you'll start to get better, because you'll take some level of ownership over what's happening. Until then, be very, very kind to yourself.

Do whatever you need to do to help yourself get to that break off point (for yourself). If you need to talk to her again to finalise this and get a sense of closure, do it. Maybe it won't be the end. But at least you'll know, and you can move on from this, no matter what the outcome. You can't live in this state for very long.

I hope I haven't upset you and I hope you feel better very, very soon. Focus on making new memories.
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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I am sorry to hear life is tough for you too rightnow!! Big hugs dude!!
Xxx
 
Jimny

Jimny

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Thank you wildflower, hugs back at you x I hope you are doing ok.

Spoke to my therapist today, I have to stop making contact. The beratings I receive plus the berating I give myself are doing me no favours and preventing me from healing.
Looks so simple when I write it down, the reality is probably the toughest thing I will ever have to do.
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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They are getting me to a shrink soon, I have today returned to my house and my ex came home unexpected tedly early but agrees its over and to stay amicable. I think hes letting me use the house tonight then I am gettin emergency houses so may not be online again.
Excuse my ignorance, have ypu been split long?
I keep calling him my bf cause after 9 years its so weird to say ex
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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I dont know theyre phoned in two and a half hours I guess to check im alive. My ex agreed our split is right thing to do and my head isnt well
 
Jimny

Jimny

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Crying my eyes out again, I am really lost.
Such a mess.
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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I will do my best to talk if you want to x
 
Jimny

Jimny

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Thank you. I think I do need to get it out.
We met up for a drink last Friday, had a great night and went our separate ways.
We met on Saturday morning and had a great day walking in the forest, we did the same again on Sunday afternoon. It was nice and everything I wanted.
We told each other we were still in love, kissed and hugged all weekend

On Tuesday, I went to see my therapist. We talked about the events leading up to and the day I tried to take my life, terrible really because I just talked and at the end she said see you next week.
I met up with ex that evening (I shouldn't have) and we were talking about therapies and I told her about my therapy that day.
It was starting to go wrong, we talked some more and I started to get offended by her uncaring comments.
The berating started from her with me eventually arguing back.

She told me she doesn't want to do this anymore, it is always the same.

I just keep chasing her with the same results, heart breaking every time.
I try to pull myself together but in a few days time I buckle and chase her again.
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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She sounds like shes fuckin with your head mate its not on x
 
Mister.B

Mister.B

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I have been where you are, mate.

I hope, for me, it is over.
I am calm because I have cut her off finally.
Women like this are like water, you need their love to survive, but when you realise they are saturating and ruining everything then it is difficult to shut them out because the damage has either already been done or they seep back in through any crack you leave open and start saturating stuff again.

I'm sorry if you don't feel this is the case, and I'm just projecting my problems, but a lot of what you said smacks of what I went through.

I don't have all the answers, I was weak and kept letting her do it to me too.
You just gotta remember why you were hurt.
Sometimes we love people so much that we don't [want to] look at the bad.
If you do sit down and think of all the bad things they've done to you, sometimes you can be really surprised.

Anyway, that's enough from me.
 
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