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I need to change something

R

rkr

New member
Founding Member
Joined
Apr 19, 2008
Messages
4
Ok...so what's the cause? That's always my question when "Why am I not feeling good" comes.
This year started real good professionally speaking. I'm finishing my BsC on Chemistry and won a research grant on a prestige lab. The grades are good. And the grant's money helps me and my family a lot. And this is what motivates me and gets me going. The thought that my hardwork is actually bringing me some good.
Middle february I started dating this younger girl (5 years younger (i'm 23, she's 17)) and I got really interested in her. A lot of good conversation, common interests etc etc, what makes a good date...a good date. We kissed and started a sort of unnamed relationship. It was going great in the first two weeks. She called me several times a week and initiative was on both sides. She being in highschool and being a lot younger makes her have a lot of work and with a lot of parental restrictions. I understand this. But I feel that a few hours on the weekend just aren't enough for a relationship to be sustained. Not only that, lately I've been feeling lack of initiative by her part. A lot.

This saddens me and I've been having what I felt as depressive behaviour. I've read about being "Love addicted" to someone, and I'm considering if this is the case. Or if it's just a dying relationship.
What gets on my nerves is one day she saying that misses me a lot. We arrange a meeting for the next afternoon but when the time comes she typically says "this is what I hate about being committed, not being able to stay one afternoon at home without feeling guilty". Yesterday this happened, yet we had a great time. She loved it and she's still talking about it.
But I know, I feel, that in the next few days there won't be any initiative.

I just feel that something needs to be changed. I like her a lot, I know she likes me, but something is wrong or I wouldnt feel like this.
What I wonder is...Is it me? Am I becoming addicted or I am just missing affection?

I want this relationship to work, but not like this. I feel that i should either stop this, or "disconnect" slightly myself from her and see if she comes hunting.

PS:Focusing on work helps me a lot by distraction. But it doesnt solve emotional problems :\
 
D

Dollit

Guest
I'm no relationships expert but I wonder if your age gap is a slight problem. Five years isn't much when you're both further down the line but right now maybe she's just not mature enough for a relationship with an older person.
 
R

rkr

New member
Founding Member
Joined
Apr 19, 2008
Messages
4
I think the best for me should be quit this pseudo-relationship. Her selfish attitudes have been giving me anxiety crisis and I can't stand it any longer. I would love that she would change those attitudes, namely having a bit more respect for me and us, but I'm not seeing that happen anytime soon.
It hurts to feel that despite the connection we have, the amusement we have together that it will end. Last time we had a "breaking up" lasted one day for she was full of regret. Nothing in her attitude changed after. I guess...I have to take measures by myself...despite the pain it may cause me in a short time.

Thanks for the reply by the way. It was very nice of you.
 
D

Dollit

Guest
If it helps then I'm glad I could be here - sometimes the most destructive relationships can be the most compelling.
 
scottsblue

scottsblue

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Apr 20, 2008
Messages
1,902
Location
England
its obviouse she likes you so just be a bit more sympatheic towards her needs, a month isnt that big a deal if your looking for true love which i think she is. so unless you have a ticket to go to venus in next couple of weeks, i`d hold tight and just try to enjoy being with her, rather than wanting anythin from her.:rolleyes:
 
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