• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

I need someone to talk to if possible.

R

Retaw

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May 10, 2019
Messages
163
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My life feels like a big disaster and I don’t know why I was born. My whole existence feels awful. I don’t like to really say things like that, but it’s the truth of how I feel. Everyday feels like the same or even worse. It’s a 24/7 thing. My depression isn’t a thing on itself, but it’s caused by something else. And what that exactly is is pretty unknown for me. I mean, I have no clear diagnose. I’m afraid I’m a bit dissociating at the moment, which is one of my main fears. I have nightmares very often. Mostly everyday. I feel like that is making me lose a bit of grip on reality as well. Dissociating is something I try to fight against for very long. Mostly via avoiding. Not only that, but I think there is just something seriously wrong with me and that I need to hide myself from society. And I actually already did that for 4 long years. I’m 21 now and all of this started in 2017. Before that time I already felt like crap, but I was taking place in society. And I developed many things in those 4 years. Feeling like crap whole my life is mainly caused by my low confidence. Which is caused by trauma. And drugs gave me lots of bad experiences as well till I felt down in the pit. Mentally I already gave up in some way. Yep, I’m still breathing and suicide is something I want to avoid at all cost, but my motivation and hope is gone. I still do a sort of therapy thing though. I’m on meds as well (citalopram) which took a big effort to take, but no positive effects yet.. But the worst problem I deal with is that I don’t feel part of society. That I don’t feel a connection towards anyone. Including myself.

Anyway, I could go on for hours, but I don’t think ya’ll are waiting for that. I do appreciate talking to someone. Being so open as I’m over here in real life is very hard. Any advice is appreciated.
 
jajingna

jajingna

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Joined
Jul 31, 2020
Messages
5,459
Location
Canada
Feeling like crap whole my life is mainly caused by my low confidence. Which is caused by trauma.
I can relate to this, in some ways. Never felt like I had much confidence either. Like a lasting genuine sense of it. And I guess it all stem from the growing up years. Seems like those young age years can set things in motion one way or another. It can be hard to find your footing if you grew up unstable, like if there was some real dysfunction in the family.

It would be good to deal with the trauma somehow, to talk it through, to process things. I've never really had therapy besides some speaking to mental health people at different times over the years. I'm sure I could have benefited from it with a decent therapist. Things have a way of coming back at you later in life if they remain unresolved. So, maybe look into that, and it might gradually lead you to a better place.
 
H

Hopelessdepressedandpinkfloydlover

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 25, 2020
Messages
99
Location
Mexico
My life feels like a big disaster and I don’t know why I was born. My whole existence feels awful. I don’t like to really say things like that, but it’s the truth of how I feel. Everyday feels like the same or even worse. It’s a 24/7 thing. My depression isn’t a thing on itself, but it’s caused by something else. And what that exactly is is pretty unknown for me. I mean, I have no clear diagnose. I’m afraid I’m a bit dissociating at the moment, which is one of my main fears. I have nightmares very often. Mostly everyday. I feel like that is making me lose a bit of grip on reality as well. Dissociating is something I try to fight against for very long. Mostly via avoiding. Not only that, but I think there is just something seriously wrong with me and that I need to hide myself from society. And I actually already did that for 4 long years. I’m 21 now and all of this started in 2017. Before that time I already felt like crap, but I was taking place in society. And I developed many things in those 4 years. Feeling like crap whole my life is mainly caused by my low confidence. Which is caused by trauma. And drugs gave me lots of bad experiences as well till I felt down in the pit. Mentally I already gave up in some way. Yep, I’m still breathing and suicide is something I want to avoid at all cost, but my motivation and hope is gone. I still do a sort of therapy thing though. I’m on meds as well (citalopram) which took a big effort to take, but no positive effects yet.. But the worst problem I deal with is that I don’t feel part of society. That I don’t feel a connection towards anyone. Including myself.

Anyway, I could go on for hours, but I don’t think ya’ll are waiting for that. I do appreciate talking to someone. Being so open as I’m over here in real life is very hard. Any advice is appreciated.
You can tal to me
I can relate to this, in some ways. Never felt like I had much confidence either. Like a lasting genuine sense of it. And I guess it all stem from the growing up years. Seems like those young age years can set things in motion one way or another. It can be hard to find your footing if you grew up unstable, like if there was some real dysfunction in the family.

It would be good to deal with the trauma somehow, to talk it through, to process things. I've never really had therapy besides some speaking to mental health people at different times over the years. I'm sure I could have benefited from it with a decent therapist. Things have a way of coming back at you later in life if they remain unresolved. So, maybe look into that, and it might gradually lead you to a better place.
You can talk to me anytime you want.
Message, mail, or even phone if you feel it necessary.
I have felt and feel what you experience and I know how bad it gets.
Just know, you're just having a fight with a mental enemy, and you must win the battle.
 
R

Retaw

Well-known member
Joined
May 10, 2019
Messages
163
Location
.
I can relate to this, in some ways. Never felt like I had much confidence either. Like a lasting genuine sense of it. And I guess it all stem from the growing up years. Seems like those young age years can set things in motion one way or another. It can be hard to find your footing if you grew up unstable, like if there was some real dysfunction in the family.

It would be good to deal with the trauma somehow, to talk it through, to process things. I've never really had therapy besides some speaking to mental health people at different times over the years. I'm sure I could have benefited from it with a decent therapist. Things have a way of coming back at you later in life if they remain unresolved. So, maybe look into that, and it might gradually lead you to a better place.
Yeah, I think that is correct. Weirdly enough, my therapists never really paid good attention about my past. I can’t say if I’m traumatized or not though, because I’ve no flashbacks whatsoever, but it does have formed me to the person I am today. Which is negative of course. My coach (not a therapist) is pretty confident that I need to do something with trauma as well. I’m curious how much of a impact it will have if I work on it. It’s very hard to actually do therapy at all though. In the past I think one of the reasons therapy didn’t work is that I’m so closed in and I can’t handle my emotions, which leads to me completely freeze up and b overwhelmed. That makes a bit worried if there is any succes rate while feeling that way. And add the motivation part with that up as well.. I don’t know, it’s tough, very tough.
 
R

Retaw

Well-known member
Joined
May 10, 2019
Messages
163
Location
.
You can tal to me

You can talk to me anytime you want.
Message, mail, or even phone if you feel it necessary.
I have felt and feel what you experience and I know how bad it gets.
Just know, you're just having a fight with a mental enemy, and you must win the battle.
I appreciate that a lot. I’ll make sure to DM you via this site okay? Today I have a very stressful day where I have to go out and meet some people in a social group. I’m kinda shaking. I hope I’ll survive. This is going to be one of the hardest thing I’ve done yet.
 
H

Hopelessdepressedandpinkfloydlover

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 25, 2020
Messages
99
Location
Mexico
I appreciate that a lot. I’ll make sure to DM you via this site okay? Today I have a very stressful day where I have to go out and meet some people in a social group. I’m kinda shaking. I hope I’ll survive. This is going to be one of the hardest thing I’ve done yet.
Wish you the best, you'll be fine.
 
J

Jono

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Joined
Dec 27, 2020
Messages
144
Location
Cornwall
Thx. I made it through the day. I’m completely exhausted which is normally I guess.
I can relate to what you’re saying to a degree , if you just want to have a chat or a rant I’m here too, chin up:D:peace:
 
L

lauren101010

New member
Joined
Mar 4, 2021
Messages
1
Location
sidcup
i can relate to this, especially the dissociation part. I am also trying to find help with this
 
R

Retaw

Well-known member
Joined
May 10, 2019
Messages
163
Location
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I can relate to what you’re saying to a degree , if you just want to have a chat or a rant I’m here too, chin up:D:peace:
I’m pretty lonely, so all the people the people that have replied to me is something I appreciate a lot. I wonder to what degree you relate, because I’ve pointed out multiple points.
 
R

Retaw

Well-known member
Joined
May 10, 2019
Messages
163
Location
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i can relate to this, especially the dissociation part. I am also trying to find help with this
Ah, it’s horrible, but at least we are not alone, although sometimes it can feel like that. I hope you’ll find some good help eventually:)
 
H

Hopelessdepressedandpinkfloydlover

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 25, 2020
Messages
99
Location
Mexico
Thx. I made it through the day. I’m completely exhausted which is normally I guess.
Yeah, depression makes us get tired easier, actually low energy is a symptom of depression
 
H

Hopelessdepressedandpinkfloydlover

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 25, 2020
Messages
99
Location
Mexico
I guess so, but it is also just a general reaction of avoiding for so long I think. I’m just not used to much.
Avoiding what?
 
R

Retaw

Well-known member
Joined
May 10, 2019
Messages
163
Location
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Avoiding what?
Avoiding being part of society is the most crucial one. Being around people basically and new environments. But also small things that are maybe a bit weird.. Like certain colors and things that I think are ‘scary’. Very hard to explain, but it’s a pain in the ***
 
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