I need some advice

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sleeplessinuk

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 23, 2009
Messages
77
#1
Hi I am new here and I am really confused about certain things in my life at the moment. I've always suffered from anxiety, phobias and depression. I was on anti depressants for about 6 or 7 years after having my two children. Early last year though, i came off them and started to feel alot better. For the past year I have been living a carefree life, I felt on top of the world and I felt as though I was really popular all of a sudden. I'd walk around feeling so confident and happy about everything, I felt everyone loved me and my company and I felt like I was the most intelligent person and it didn't matter to me that I was getting heaps of bills for unpaid catalogue items and credit card statements.I am unemployed as I have only ever wanted to work as a film star, musician or writer although I change my mind pretty often. Recently I feel as though my happiness is going away from me really fast. I have been waking up in the night in fear for my life, I have had sleep paralysis several times and also my body jolts just before I go to sleep. When I'm watching tv, I find myself repeating words that someone has just said...but not aloud, just more of a whisper.I also whisper my thoughts if I know there's no one around to hear me. My compulsion of picking and biting the skin on my hands has got worse and I am suddenly aware of everything i'm doing. I used to have a brilliant memory but now I have to write down literally everything so I don't forget because I am forgetting everything I do lately within days or sometimes hours. I feel so frustrated. I have a cupboard full of final demand letters that I am just ignoring in the hope that they'll go away.I went to the doctors yesterday and said i'm scared I may have a personality disorder or bipolar. She said if I haven't gone out and bought cars then I'm not bipolar...so obviously i'm not but she thinks I have depression. I don't feel depressed. I have had depression in the past and it was much worse than this because I felt suicidal. I feel pretty withdrawn, I sit at home all day and hate having to go out because I feel like everyone is looking at me and laughing at me or talking about me behind my back. I feel so much safer at home. I don't want to see anyone at all...just to stay at home with my kids, who are suffering because all I ever seem to do is shout at them but they are so loud that i feel constantly irritable.I also feel tired all the time, like all my energy has gone and I feel as though i'm not really here if I go outside....
I usually listen to music but can't bear it at the moment and i've always made up stories and scenarios (like a film) in my mind to keep me going...if that makes sense! But i'm not doing that anymore. Also, just before I started to feel a bit low, I had an unbelievably high sex drive.
Sorry to go on but I just need to know is this just depression or do I have another type of disorder? I know nobody here can give me a diagnosis but I just need to know if anyone has had similar problems or situations because I feel like i'm going mad.
 
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Bigmouth_Strikes_Again

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Joined
Jun 21, 2009
Messages
15
#2
I am sorry you've been having such a difficult time. I can relate to a lot of it, if you ever want to talk you can PM me, always willing to listen (and have a good moan about life). I think that your doctor shouldn't have just dismissed everything, i think there are things you said that sound like bipolar (i am no expert though, could be a number of things). Could you possibly see a different doctor? I think its important that you talk to someone in the medical profession who can help you. Hope things get better :hug:
 
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grace68

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May 12, 2009
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598
Location
yorkshire
#3
"She said if I haven't gone out and bought cars then I'm not bipolar...so obviously i'm not" :confused:

i'm sorry to say this, but that's ridiculous (in my opinion). :mad:

you really need to see another doctor. it sounds like you didn't get any help at all from that doctor.

i also can relate to much of what you say, again, in my opinion, much of it sounds like classic bipolar. and it's awful to feel so very out of control.

:hug: it sounds like you're isolated in a nightmare situation just now, i'm so angry that you have to try again to get help, but you really need to. you've found a great support network on here, but you need some proper psychiatric support too :hug:
 
J

Jolene

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Joined
Jun 21, 2009
Messages
24
Location
Hampshire
#4
Hi sleeplessinuk

Maybe this is probably a stupid question
Do you ever hear voices?:grouphug:
 
ms_P

ms_P

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Jul 21, 2008
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3,069
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BeNeLux
#5
Hi Sleeplessinuk,
Hearsay and opinions are just that. They don't clarify anything.
I feel you should make an appointment with your GP, or get a new one if thats the attitude of the one you have. There are patient organisations everywhere and a phone call or letter can sometimes help get things rolling. Maybe you can get a referal to a mental health care worker to further sort out what your problems are and work towards a good recovery.
Take a breath!
The best of luck to you. :flowers:
 
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sleeplessinuk

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 23, 2009
Messages
77
#6
Hi sleeplessinuk

Maybe this is probably a stupid question
Do you ever hear voices?:grouphug:
Hi Jolene
No I don't hear voices in the way that somebody with a mental disorder would. I have always heard people talking when i'm drifting off to sleep and sometimes a word or phrase will come into my head and i'll have to say it out loud. But this is just normal...right?
 
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sleeplessinuk

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 23, 2009
Messages
77
#7
I also forgot to mention that this doctor gave me an anxiety questionnaire to fill in and offered me medication. I refuse to take any medication after being on antidepressents for so long. So, she put my name down on a waiting list for a psychotherapist...which she said takes a few months. So I supppose the only thing I can do now is wait and hope I don't become severely depressed :scared:
 
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