S
sleeplessinuk
Well-known member
- Joined
- Jun 23, 2009
- Messages
- 77
Hi I am new here and I am really confused about certain things in my life at the moment. I've always suffered from anxiety, phobias and depression. I was on anti depressants for about 6 or 7 years after having my two children. Early last year though, i came off them and started to feel alot better. For the past year I have been living a carefree life, I felt on top of the world and I felt as though I was really popular all of a sudden. I'd walk around feeling so confident and happy about everything, I felt everyone loved me and my company and I felt like I was the most intelligent person and it didn't matter to me that I was getting heaps of bills for unpaid catalogue items and credit card statements.I am unemployed as I have only ever wanted to work as a film star, musician or writer although I change my mind pretty often. Recently I feel as though my happiness is going away from me really fast. I have been waking up in the night in fear for my life, I have had sleep paralysis several times and also my body jolts just before I go to sleep. When I'm watching tv, I find myself repeating words that someone has just said...but not aloud, just more of a whisper.I also whisper my thoughts if I know there's no one around to hear me. My compulsion of picking and biting the skin on my hands has got worse and I am suddenly aware of everything i'm doing. I used to have a brilliant memory but now I have to write down literally everything so I don't forget because I am forgetting everything I do lately within days or sometimes hours. I feel so frustrated. I have a cupboard full of final demand letters that I am just ignoring in the hope that they'll go away.I went to the doctors yesterday and said i'm scared I may have a personality disorder or bipolar. She said if I haven't gone out and bought cars then I'm not bipolar...so obviously i'm not but she thinks I have depression. I don't feel depressed. I have had depression in the past and it was much worse than this because I felt suicidal. I feel pretty withdrawn, I sit at home all day and hate having to go out because I feel like everyone is looking at me and laughing at me or talking about me behind my back. I feel so much safer at home. I don't want to see anyone at all...just to stay at home with my kids, who are suffering because all I ever seem to do is shout at them but they are so loud that i feel constantly irritable.I also feel tired all the time, like all my energy has gone and I feel as though i'm not really here if I go outside....
I usually listen to music but can't bear it at the moment and i've always made up stories and scenarios (like a film) in my mind to keep me going...if that makes sense! But i'm not doing that anymore. Also, just before I started to feel a bit low, I had an unbelievably high sex drive.
Sorry to go on but I just need to know is this just depression or do I have another type of disorder? I know nobody here can give me a diagnosis but I just need to know if anyone has had similar problems or situations because I feel like i'm going mad.
I usually listen to music but can't bear it at the moment and i've always made up stories and scenarios (like a film) in my mind to keep me going...if that makes sense! But i'm not doing that anymore. Also, just before I started to feel a bit low, I had an unbelievably high sex drive.
Sorry to go on but I just need to know is this just depression or do I have another type of disorder? I know nobody here can give me a diagnosis but I just need to know if anyone has had similar problems or situations because I feel like i'm going mad.