- Jan 12, 2022
Hi- I am new here and i'm looking for support. This may be ranty, but bear with me. I am 29 years old and have always had a moderate amount of anxiety. I never talked to anyone about it, just kind of "lived with it", nothing unmanageable. Actually a lot of people would probably say I was the most optimistic person they know. Anyway, 3 months ago my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. The news shook me to my core. My dad has been my entire life. I helped bring him to his initial appts and tests and we continued getting pretty awful news and it was so terrifying. I was unable to sleep and my worrying was consuming me. In the midst of this I began having SEVERE panic attacks about my own health, and starting fearing terrible things. I have had health anxiety since I was little and it's kind of been on/off my whole life. What I experienced in the last month or two has been unlike anything else. I was having full blown attacks and went to the ER multiple times. I could not function, eat, sleep. I could not take care of my 3 year old daughter (thank god for amazing husbands). A huge trigger was when I went to the chiropractor. He took a bunch of xrays. Afterwards I did some research and all these people are saying chiros shouldn't take xrays and that it's radiation and blah blah blah. Well that spiraled me into a CRAZY rabbit hole about xrays and radiation harm and I convinced myself that they caused damage to me. I mean I literally lost my mind over it had another panic attack so severe that I went to the ER and they did a CT of my head because I was so dizzy and my arms were tingling. Less to say my radiation fear was born again. I totally went into some deep dark hole of picturing everyone in my life dying and/or being sick. It was all I could think about. I ended up staying at my parents for a week to "recover" from my mental state. I had been seeing a therapist and taking Zoloft but my mind was honestly rejecting the help. I could not listen to anyone because my anxiety was so bad. My poor dad who's used to seeing me as the most optimistic person on the planet now had to see me in complete distress and mental exhaustion. The last few days I have somewhat "come to" but I feel almost traumatized by the last few months. I have never, ever, ever experienced anxiety even close to this. I am trying to come back to reality but still having a hard time. I need to be here for my dad, and my daughter but I feel like i've done some permanent damage to my mental health that I can't reverse. I don't know if this was a mental breakdown, or some sort of psychosis but I'm just looking for some support on how to "climb out". I am still seeing my therapist, and increased my zoloft. I feel slightly better the last few days but the constant anxiety of what's happening to my dad, and the potential for it to happen to other people I love is almost to much to bear. I feel so guilty for spending the last 2 months like this, while my dad is fighting such an awful thing. Just looking for some support I guess or words of encouragement. I really need it. Thank you.