I need help

[faeriedreams]

I am having a particular bad day today. For a while now I have been in a relationship with a man that is esstential good. The problem is me. I don't know how to accept his love, I don't know how to let him in. But I don't allow anyone in. I finally told him I don't love him the way 2 people should love each other, and one sided love will never make the relationship work. I told him he shouldn't waste anymore time on me.

Why is that I have such a hard time with relationships. Not only intimate ones, but ones with friends also. It's as if I don't want to become emotionally attached to anyone. It's hard enough to give my children what they need, let alone anyone else.

I don't have a Dr.'s appt until next week, and I'm going to drive myself crazier before that appt. comes around. I'm tired of locking myself in my house after the kids leave for school, I don't answer the phone, and I keep shutting this man out. He says he understands my emotional issues, but is it fair to keep him in limbo with each mood I get? I don't think it is.

Today is just rough. I just broke down and cried, and feel I am having a pity party for myself, but life is hard right now. Even though I believe in God, and know the hardships must come to fulfill his purpose, I don't like how I feel today. I just want my mind to quit spinning.

 

[keepsafe]

Just acknowledging your post and to let you know you are not alone. I cannot let anyone in, its the fear of hurt and rejection and loss of worth that get me.
I don;t know what normal should be anyway, but I appreciate it is hard to form emotional bonds, I feel the same.

Take Care and keep posting
KS

 

[thedreamswehad]

It's difficult not feeling you can let people in. For me it's the fear or rejection, lack of trust and a lot of other feelings and they are very difficult to overcome, but not impossible as I'm finding out with therapy. Hang on for your Dr.'s appointment and keep posting.

Take care