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I need help!!

A

arjc97

Member
Joined
May 16, 2021
Messages
15
Location
England
I’ve been suffering with depression since around 16 years old, I’m nearly 24, attempted suicide many times, however there’s always something holding me back. I just want people to understand me, likeminded people who know what it feels like to be like this. I feel defeated, I have no confidence in myself and suffer with anxiety too, along with self esteem/worth issues. I feel a mess, I’ve pushed my girlfriend away as I’ve told her numerous times I was going to commit suicide and it became too much for her. She needs space from me, she feels she can’t help me, it hurts because she’s the one person I feel I want and need comfort from. Of course I have my family but having a partner, soulmate there is a different feeling.
I've been going through phases of my depression for years on end and I feel so low and broken. I need help to pick myself up, I need help, advice, tips...please!!
 
Jolly

Jolly

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Joined
Dec 26, 2020
Messages
1,571
Location
United Kingdom
🙏 welcome. The forum is so friendly and full of lovely people to support and help you. They will be around shortly
 
kimidare

kimidare

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Joined
Jan 2, 2021
Messages
217
Location
France
Hi arjc, welcome

I think I can understand the feeling.
I have been depressed since 16 yo too, but with some pauses, and now I m 27 and I m depressed again. I did a real attempt once.

Do you know why you have been depressed at the beginning ?
Maybe talking about it can help, or at least identify the first trigger.

It s so difficult to share feelings, emotions with people. I found it easier to do by writing than talking. Like when people are affected by reading a book.

Basic question but have you already tried talking to a therapist ?
If your emotional state is very low, some medicine can also help.
Or talking with groups maybe. I never tried that.

What daily problems are you experiencing due to your low self esteem/anxiety ?
I practice breathing exercise and sometimes meditation to calm down my anxiety. It works sometimes.

It s difficult for someone who love you to have a constant fear of loosing you. I hope you realize that it s not that she doesn t like you if she is putting distance. It s because she loves you and it hurts to feel so useless.

Are there some things you want to do in your life ? Having some objectives can probably help.
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
9,907
Location
England
It is a long process, to get to a place where you accept how things are.
You get to a point where you don't need anyone to understand you
You don't need to tell people something
don't need their support
feel reasonably good about yourself and accept yourself good and bad

Help and understanding, validation, it is nice, but needing it will i think always put you at risk. You need to become your own support, your own carer, rely on yourself and provide for yourself.

Love yourself and have sympathy

Anything else is a bonus

If i get a compliment now, it doesn't mean as much because i don't need a compliment. It is nice but i know myself good and bad

Help is nice, i am grateful for it, but i feel guilt at other people doing too much for me because i need them to take care of themselves not waste all their energy on me.

Do you think you are close to that?

Are you suicidal at the moment? Please talk to us if you feel that bad and we can try and help.
 
A

arjc97

Member
Joined
May 16, 2021
Messages
15
Location
England
Hi arjc, welcome

I think I can understand the feeling.
I have been depressed since 16 yo too, but with some pauses, and now I m 27 and I m depressed again. I did a real attempt once.

Do you know why you have been depressed at the beginning ?
Maybe talking about it can help, or at least identify the first trigger.

It s so difficult to share feelings, emotions with people. I found it easier to do by writing than talking. Like when people are affected by reading a book.

Basic question but have you already tried talking to a therapist ?
If your emotional state is very low, some medicine can also help.
Or talking with groups maybe. I never tried that.

What daily problems are you experiencing due to your low self esteem/anxiety ?
I practice breathing exercise and sometimes meditation to calm down my anxiety. It works sometimes.

It s difficult for someone who love you to have a constant fear of loosing you. I hope you realize that it s not that she doesn t like you if she is putting distance. It s because she loves you and it hurts to feel so useless.

Are there some things you want to do in your life ? Having some objectives can probably help.

I’ve just always been low in confidence, never believed in myself. I used to play football/soccer for the American compatriots. I feel like it may have stemmed from football, however I’m still working to figure it all out. However the stress of life and not being able to cope has resorted me to wanting to end my life. I’ve been looking for ways in which are least painful for me to go.
I haven’t felt like this in a long time. Today is the first day I’ve woke up a little optimistic.
I’ve tried therapy and just doesn’t work for me. In terms of daily problems, I just go within myself, go quiet, avoid people, reluctant to speak, emotional too.

At the minute I’m training to become an electrician and I’m enjoying the work, my boss knows about my depression but not the full extent as I don’t feel comfortable telling him the ins and outs as of yet but he’s very supportive. I know exercise helps but I’m an ‘all in or nothing’ person
 
A

arjc97

Member
Joined
May 16, 2021
Messages
15
Location
England
It is a long process, to get to a place where you accept how things are.
You get to a point where you don't need anyone to understand you
You don't need to tell people something
don't need their support
feel reasonably good about yourself and accept yourself good and bad

Help and understanding, validation, it is nice, but needing it will i think always put you at risk. You need to become your own support, your own carer, rely on yourself and provide for yourself.

Love yourself and have sympathy

Anything else is a bonus

If i get a compliment now, it doesn't mean as much because i don't need a compliment. It is nice but i know myself good and bad

Help is nice, i am grateful for it, but i feel guilt at other people doing too much for me because i need them to take care of themselves not waste all their energy on me.

Do you think you are close to that?

Are you suicidal at the moment? Please talk to us if you feel that bad and we can try and help.
I get what you’re saying but where I’ve been so low, I just need help getting out of a dark place. I don’t understand how to go about loving myself or anything like that, I’m my biggest critic.
I know I’m heavily reliant on my partner and she’s had to bare the brunt of it all, all my outbursts all shit that has come with it. It’s only now that she’s decided to take some time away from me, that a switch has flicked in me. I want her, I don’t need her.
I just want to get better, for long term
 
A

arjc97

Member
Joined
May 16, 2021
Messages
15
Location
England
In terms of how I’m feeling, I feel much lighter today, but previous month or so was really contemplating suicide
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
9,907
Location
England
I cannot think of any way to speed up the self love process or even how to start on that journey. It just happened for me naturally. Instinct seemed to be what has got me right through the difficult times.

I think i had memories of family who love me, my grandma and grandad. Did you have that sort of experience too? I hope so. I have photo's on my wall of me as a baby being cuddled by my grandad. I think that is a buffer against anything bad and a reminder that we will all die soon enough anyway.

I have taken more than one overdose but i wouldn't risk it again. I am committed to completing the full race even though it will possibly be horrendous again. I feel i can cope with horrendous.

I feel strong and not reliant

I am glad you have someone but sad that she? is needing a break. That is a worry, have you been there for her? Maybe she is struggling mentally and so needs time out, we all break don't we. Maybe it is time for you to be the carer and her to be the patient? Some people like being the carer though don't they. Some have 'broad shoulders' is it called?
 
A

arjc97

Member
Joined
May 16, 2021
Messages
15
Location
England
I cannot think of any way to speed up the self love process or even how to start on that journey. It just happened for me naturally. Instinct seemed to be what has got me right through the difficult times.

I think i had memories of family who love me, my grandma and grandad. Did you have that sort of experience too? I hope so. I have photo's on my wall of me as a baby being cuddled by my grandad. I think that is a buffer against anything bad and a reminder that we will all die soon enough anyway.

I have taken more than one overdose but i wouldn't risk it again. I am committed to completing the full race even though it will possibly be horrendous again. I feel i can cope with horrendous.

I feel strong and not reliant

I am glad you have someone but sad that she? is needing a break. That is a worry, have you been there for her? Maybe she is struggling mentally and so needs time out, we all break don't we. Maybe it is time for you to be the carer and her to be the patient? Some people like being the carer though don't they. Some have 'broad shoulders' is it called?
I understand what you mean and where you’re coming from, I haven’t met 3 of my grandparents as two passed away before I was born and one passed a year after I was born.

I’m happy you feel that way, really I am! That’s great! You should be proud of it too!

yeah I just believe it’s a matter of her needing a breather, I’ve not been good to her, texting her that I want to commit suicide, send her pictures of my tablets to insinuate I’m going to overdose or tell her I’m walking to the nearest station, it’s not been fair on her and only now with our space apart have I realised this isn’t fair on her but my only concern is, is it too far gone? Have I pushed her away fully:( I hope not
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
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Messages
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England
I don't know, she could be taking a break or thinking of ending it. Either way, you will be ok and you will either be a better partner (it is not your fault you are unwell), or a good friend.

You sound like you need a lot of help, are you seeing any professionals?
 
A

arjc97

Member
Joined
May 16, 2021
Messages
15
Location
England
I don't know, she could be taking a break or thinking of ending it. Either way, you will be ok and you will either be a better partner (it is not your fault you are unwell), or a good friend.

You sound like you need a lot of help, are you seeing any professionals?
I don’t want to think about the possibility of her ending things:(

I have done but counselling wasn’t helping me, I know I need professional help but not sure where to look as I suffer from self esteem issues too
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
9,907
Location
England
I think if you are going to stay together, it is essential you get professional help. it is not fair to her or you, both of you suffering.

Telling her you have a doctor's appointment to discuss treatment is better than telling her you are going to hurt yourself.

Your illness is quite severe isn't it. You are very unwell.
 
L

lovetta_rose

Well-known member
Joined
May 13, 2021
Messages
75
Location
Reading, England
I’ve been suffering with depression since around 16 years old, I’m nearly 24, attempted suicide many times, however there’s always something holding me back. I just want people to understand me, likeminded people who know what it feels like to be like this. I feel defeated, I have no confidence in myself and suffer with anxiety too, along with self esteem/worth issues. I feel a mess, I’ve pushed my girlfriend away as I’ve told her numerous times I was going to commit suicide and it became too much for her. She needs space from me, she feels she can’t help me, it hurts because she’s the one person I feel I want and need comfort from. Of course I have my family but having a partner, soulmate there is a different feeling.
I've been going through phases of my depression for years on end and I feel so low and broken. I need help to pick myself up, I need help, advice, tips...please!!
What do you want from life? What makes you happy/excited? What are your hopes and dreams? What difference do you want to make in this world? The answers to these questions are my focus, how I stay sane and how I stay alive.

P.S. defo a likeminded person here. 110% empathise with your post.
 
A

arjc97

Member
Joined
May 16, 2021
Messages
15
Location
England
I think if you are going to stay together, it is essential you get professional help. it is not fair to her or you, both of you suffering.

Telling her you have a doctor's appointment to discuss treatment is better than telling her you are going to hurt yourself.

Your illness is quite severe isn't it. You are very unwell.
I understand you 100% and I agree, Just don’t know if I see a therapist? A life coach? You know, who do I see...
 
A

arjc97

Member
Joined
May 16, 2021
Messages
15
Location
England
What do you want from life? What makes you happy/excited? What are your hopes and dreams? What difference do you want to make in this world? The answers to these questions are my focus, how I stay sane and how I stay alive.

P.S. defo a likeminded person here. 110% empathise with your post.
Honestly, I’m such a simple person, I start to wonder if I’m born in the wrong era at times lol! But I do enjoy my work, family time, socialising with friends. Obviously my girlfriend is a big part of my life too.
I just feel like I lack the belief in myself a lot.
I appreciate you getting back to me here though, it’s a tough nut to crack (my illness)
I struggle really heavily at times and others it’s not there
 
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