I need help

[MHsmilesxo]

I believe someone could offer some tips or insight on something such as this. I've suffered with bulimia for 6 years now and I manage to stay clean for a month from it. Which is perhaps the longest I've gone without doing anything with it. But I relapsed a week ago and everything feels 2x stronger. TW: Like, I never self-harmed because of bulimia. Now its almost constant and taking over my mental health.I have people who know about my issues. But it's almost ever since I've relapsed. I dont want people seeing me since I feel like a failure to everyone who had hope in me..

I dont know if anyone can really answer me and its ok. Im just wanting to vent since I'm scared of my friends and family knowing that I failed them.

 

[Wildflower112]

You are not a failure, your family and friends love you for being you. Of course they will be concerned for your well being, but they certainly will not think you are a failure, they will just want you to enjoy life and be happy.

 

[ForeverMist]

Relapse can happen and sometimes be part of recovery as we learn things from it. Recovery is still there for you always. You did amazing to get that far clean, you can do it again.

 

[Wildflower112]

I agree with ForeverMist, recovery and improvement particularly with physical and mental health issues is rarely uniform, there will be setbacks on the way, whilst these are both annoying and heartbreaking it happens. Try to think about why this happened and if possible use that as a strength for improvement in the future. We can't change the past (so perhaps try not to dwell on it too much), but we can certainly change the future...

 

[Wildflower112]

How are you doing now ?
Was anything that we said in the slightest way helpful ?
Is there someone you can talk to that you can trust ?
Have you received any professional therapy ?
As you might be amazed how much better you might feel with the right level of support and advice.

But please don't push pressure on yourself or be ashamed, everyone using this forum has one issue or another ...

 

[Mary26]

You didn't fail them. Most people who suffer from eating disorders will relapse at some point. For me, it was the second time, the relapse that solidified my resolve to permanently recover. The return of bulimia and now the added SH behaviors is something inside you screaming I need help! Please reach out. The people who love you will probably be more relieved that you asked for help than you know.

 

[katwomyn3]

I reiterate what everyone else has said, you are not a failure. Unfortunately with bulimia, most have a mentality of it's all or nothing, and the reason why it's because we are so ashamed of going back our behaviors. I am not sure if you have an immediate support system in which you are willing to be honest without that criticism you already have for yourself. But, I feel here, you will not have that. You can start to be better tomorrow, and whatever you did the day before is not a reflection of failure, it is of someone fighting the hardest fight to be better. You are human and as long as you can forgive yourself and know that as peers we understand and don't judge you for it. You can go forward.

 

[MHsmilesxo]

Thank you guys for responding. And I like to think I'm doing okay. Right now, working and school is distracting me from bulimia. And I've told my boyfriend but there's a deeper issue as to why I relapsed, I won't say on this thread to avoid triggering anyone. But, I've been finding reasons to not self-harm. It's just hard when people I am friends with are well recovered and I feel as if though I would trigger one of them. I think my main support in this situation is my boyfriend. However, I'm scheduling to get some counseling. Once again, thank you guys for replying

 

[Wildflower112]

Dear MHsmilesxo,

You are so, so welcome.

If you need us, please be assured that we are always here for you. Glad to hear you are feeling better and that you are looking to strengthen the support available to you.

 

[Thebirdwhoreturned]

Hey dear,

I developed my bulimic disorder when I was 18 and I am 30 today. I look back on a long and turbulenced relationship with it.

There is a good explanation for it becoming harder after you where able to escape from the behavior for a longer time. When we expect a lot from us and have a strong sense for morality, we often become hard and unforgiving with ourselves. Sometimes we stumble on our way, sometimes we purge even if we swear not to do it again. It's a long trained skill we once installed as a coping-surviving-program. Society on some point teaches us, that harming eachother is socially accepted. To gain self control we hurt ourselves to gain a fitting figure or to slow our mind down from the painful thoughts we develop about life.

You're not failing.
You're human.

Being human is a tough job.
Especially if you have expectations and high empathy.
It's a lifelasting opportunity, that you,
same as everyone else here,
never asked for.
But you can manage it, how you did.
You are not alone with this weight.
You are with all of us.