I need help.

[harpsichoid]

My name is John, I'm 18.
I can't take people looking at me; I have to stand at the edge of the room so that I'm not surrounded by people, and sometimes I have to leave because I can't stand it anymore; I can't make eye contact; I can't stay with other people for long because I think they don't want me with them; I've never had a job or a proper relationship because I'll be rejected, and I know I'm too ugly and too stupid to be able to make them happy. My parents ask me to make phone calls or socialise with their friends or relatives, and I say no. They call me pathetic, but I can't do it because I know I'll have to run off and burst into tears.
I could continue for hours, but I doubt anyone wants to know, and that isn't the reason I'm here.

I've only recently found out what avoidant personality disorder is, and it seems to fit me perfectly. I don't know how to get help though- I really can't find any help with getting my problems fixed, and I don't know who to speak to or where to go. Do I talk to my doctor? Or do I have to make an appointment with a counseller, or a psychiatrist, or what?

I would really appreciate some help. I need this diagnosis- I'll finally be able to sit down with my parents and tell them why I'm such a failure in everything.

 

[saffron]

Hi H
yoiu seem to having a bad time at the moment. A lot of people your age are very self conscious about themselves so it is not unusual. However your feelings are affecting you life and you deserve happiness.
Go and have a chat to your doctor and tell him everything you feel when you are around people be honest with him and he will be able to help one way or another. Have a look around for any young persons advice centres, you can normally just drop in and chat to counsellors and people who understand what you are going through and guide you. oor you could try the citizens advice beureau CAB and ask them what is availble in your area. but do go and see your doctor.
we are always here to listen and help as well, so your not alone.
Best wishes
S

 

[harpsichoid]

Thankyou. I'm going to make an appointment now.

 

[saffron]

thats positive start anyway, if you need to chat more we are here ok
S

 

[harpsichoid]

Thankyou.

I had my appointment this morning, she told me it's anxiety disorder and depression that I'm having problems with. She offered me a valium perscription for the long haul flight I'm going on tonight, but I said no. So instead, I've been told to 'have a few drinks on the plane'.

I need to make arrangements for counselling on my return.

 

[saffron]

thats great, it makes you laugh when they just say, go on have a drink it will calm you down, huh really, surely a few relaxation and focusing techniques would have been better, but hey ho, suppose it was for a quick fix for now so that you can fly without too much anxiety and then the real work begins when you are back. Best of luck with the counselling,.
S

 

[harpsichoid]

Hey, I'm back. Not doing so well.

I've been back to my doctor a few times, and I've talked about more private things. I'm now being treated for anxiety disorder, depression, BDD and EDNOS. I've been on citalopram for about a week and a half.

I had a counselling session, and it was horrible. I've now been referred to a mental health doctor, and a counseller who deals with eating disorders.

I thought I was getting better, but it's starting to look like the opposite. More panic attacks, more anxiety, I've started purging again, I've been eating a lot less, and I overdosed on Friday. I got really drunk, smoked a joint, took E, then overdosed on sedatives and painkillers. I'm fine now though, but I don't remember Saturday.

 

[Twylight]

You've been through a rough time with a Diagnosis and counselling and your reaction on Friday is understandable.
I'm pleased your OK now

Counselling will be difficult at first but in the long term it will help

 

[GrizzlyBear]

I had a counselling session, and it was horrible. I've now been referred to a mental health doctor, and a counseller who deals with eating disorders.

I thought I was getting better, but it's starting to look like the opposite. More panic attacks, more anxiety, I've started purging again, I've been eating a lot less, and I overdosed on Friday. I got really drunk, smoked a joint, took E, then overdosed on sedatives and painkillers. I'm fine now though, but I don't remember Saturday.

It can get better - and so can you. Counseling sessions can be tough sometimes....but it's another chip off the block and a step closer to feeling better in the long-term. Thinking long-term is one of the hardest things (I found)....but there's no getting round it. You will fall back sometimes...but as long as the general trend is forward and upwards...that's the main thing.

 

[saffron]

Hi harp
sorry to hear you are having a hard time at the moment. you may feel like you have not achieved anything but you seem to be focusing on all the negative things as well at the mo.
can you identify things that are making you feel more anxious ect. something may have triggered it?,
you over done it the other night and you probably will not remember a lot, except the nasty come down. but there is not a lot of point worrying about it now its in the past and out of your hands, but you can learn from it. (Es are notorious for bad come downs anyway because of the artificially raised seretonin levels.)
citalopram is a seretonin reuptake inhibitor,. and some people get really bad side effects on this,, i did and it made me ten times worse and had to have it changed for something else. maybe this could be the trigger. you should really see your doctor again and say you suspect the meds are too strong.

counselling is hard but it does have value, it just sometime you just cannot find it at first and think it is pointless and then give up, lots of people do this.

My thoughts are with you and really hope you can find your way back out of these feelings.
thinking of you
S

 

[gurltwitches]

i don't know if this is the same but when my husband started counseling a few years back, talking about all the things that were causing problems for the first time made him really depressed at first. it dug up alot of secrets inside himself. so i could see how the beginning could seem really bad and you could feel like your getting worse in a way but once you get over that first big hump, i think you'll feel a little better about it.

and to help yourself not to feel so anxious, cutting caffeine and alcohol out of your diet would be a good idea. try to eat less sugar. during a hang over, when your dehydrated, it can make panic attacks worse. i know how addiction is though, and wanting anything but to feel sober so that might seem hard to do. but, if you feel you can then you should. diet helps with more than you'd think.

good luck and God bless.

oh, and during painc attacks, i've found that going somewhere cold and singing out loud help me. distraction is a great tool if you can manage to do it at the time. hobbies are good for anxiety. i use to charcoal draw and my mother would do those big 1000 piece puzzles. it helps not to focus on yourself but on other things. also suduko might be good. and that has been shown to help ward off altimers (can't spell).