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I need help with my girlfriend, I'm desperate!!!

W

worriediguess

Member
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
5
Location
France
I'm sorry if this gets too long. If someone reads it all, I'll be forever thankful! I'll include a shorter, less detailed summary at the bottom.

I’m in a long distance relationship (we live in different countries) with my girlfriend since two years ago. She has struggled with mental health most of her life and currently has depression and an eating disorder.

About 5 months ago I noticed that her mental health started declining more and more. When quarantine started and she couldn’t go outside, lost her job etc, things got even worse. Lately things have been super bad, especially the past days. She says things like ”maybe I shouldn’t exist”, ”I should have disappeared”, ”I need to isolate, ”I feel so small, worthless and empty”. She lives with her parents and lately they have had to calm her down several nights. Yesterday she said she had an urge to kill herself but didn't act on it.

I’m so worried about her and go to bed every night with fear. I feel like there’s nothing I can do to help. I try so hard to talk to her, be there, listen etc, but she’s just pushing me away and saying she wants to isolate. She just said ”I’m gonna isolate, don’t even think about calling me”. A few weeks ago she said she wanted to isolate, and later admitted it was so that she could kill herself ”easier”.

Her thoughts can change very quickly. Earlier she texted me ”is there even any reason to live?” and I texted her a few I could think of. She said she realized how much I love her, started to cry and said ”I don’t want anything to happen to me”. One hour later she was saying suicidal things again. So whenever I manage to calm her down, it’s only temporary.

What do I do if talking to her isn’t enough and if she doesn’t wanna talk? I have her dad’s phone number and have been thinking about calling him. A problem though is that she has said that lately she’s afraid to tell me things because I’ve been reacting out of fear lately, saying that I need to call her dad/someone etc. She said she can’t sleep because she’s afraid I’m gonna send a cop or something to her house. I’m trying to be more calm now so that she’ll feel comfortable to talk to me again, but it’s not enough. What can I even do in this situation? What if I call her dad but things just go wrong? Her parents can be pretty ”special” and controlling. I’ll have to add that she’s +20 years old, so not a minor.

About two months ago she started having therapy sessions once a week (online bc of corona), before that she went less frequently. I’m really proud of her for going, but she seems really mentally unstable and things are just getting worse, doesn’t she need more help???

This is making me so anxious. I’m terrified of losing her and I feel like I need to act quickly before something happens to her.

I’m really sorry for the long text but my main questions are:

1. What can I do in this situation? (keep in mind that we live in different countries)
2. Is therapy once a week enough for someone in her state or does she most likely need more help??? What would the alternatives to therapy once a week be?


Quick summary: My girlfriend and I live in different countries and she struggles with depression and an eating disorder. Lately she has been acting super suicidal. I've tried to talk to her and showed her that I'm listening, but nothing seems enough and she just pushes me away and wants to isolate. I have her dad's phone number and have been thinking about calling him, but I'm very scared things might go wrong. What should I do? And is therapy once a week enough for someone in her mental state?
 
W

worriediguess

Member
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
5
Location
France
I'm sorry if this gets too long. If someone reads it all, I'll be forever thankful! I'll include a shorter, less detailed summary at the bottom.

I’m in a long distance relationship (we live in different countries) with my girlfriend since two years ago. She has struggled with mental health most of her life and currently has depression and an eating disorder.

About 5 months ago I noticed that her mental health started declining more and more. When quarantine started and she couldn’t go outside, lost her job etc, things got even worse. Lately things have been super bad, especially the past days. She says things like ”maybe I shouldn’t exist”, ”I should have disappeared”, ”I need to isolate, ”I feel so small, worthless and empty”. She lives with her parents and lately they have had to calm her down several nights. Yesterday she said she had an urge to kill herself but didn't act on it.

I’m so worried about her and go to bed every night with fear. I feel like there’s nothing I can do to help. I try so hard to talk to her, be there, listen etc, but she’s just pushing me away and saying she wants to isolate. She just said ”I’m gonna isolate, don’t even think about calling me”. A few weeks ago she said she wanted to isolate, and later admitted it was so that she could kill herself ”easier”.

Her thoughts can change very quickly. Earlier she texted me ”is there even any reason to live?” and I texted her a few I could think of. She said she realized how much I love her, started to cry and said ”I don’t want anything to happen to me”. One hour later she was saying suicidal things again. So whenever I manage to calm her down, it’s only temporary.

What do I do if talking to her isn’t enough and if she doesn’t wanna talk? I have her dad’s phone number and have been thinking about calling him. A problem though is that she has said that lately she’s afraid to tell me things because I’ve been reacting out of fear lately, saying that I need to call her dad/someone etc. She said she can’t sleep because she’s afraid I’m gonna send a cop or something to her house. I’m trying to be more calm now so that she’ll feel comfortable to talk to me again, but it’s not enough. What can I even do in this situation? What if I call her dad but things just go wrong? Her parents can be pretty ”special” and controlling. I’ll have to add that she’s +20 years old, so not a minor.

About two months ago she started having therapy sessions once a week (online bc of corona), before that she went less frequently. I’m really proud of her for going, but she seems really mentally unstable and things are just getting worse, doesn’t she need more help???

This is making me so anxious. I’m terrified of losing her and I feel like I need to act quickly before something happens to her.

I’m really sorry for the long text but my main questions are:

1. What can I do in this situation? (keep in mind that we live in different countries)
2. Is therapy once a week enough for someone in her state or does she most likely need more help??? What would the alternatives to therapy once a week be?


Quick summary: My girlfriend and I live in different countries and she struggles with depression and an eating disorder. Lately she has been acting super suicidal. I've tried to talk to her and showed her that I'm listening, but nothing seems enough and she just pushes me away and wants to isolate. I have her dad's phone number and have been thinking about calling him, but I'm very scared things might go wrong. What should I do? And is therapy once a week enough for someone in her mental state?

UPDATED: She has posted several photos on social media of her basically crying captioned with sad/depressed captions. I don't get why she's showing everyone she's sad and basically crying for help, but when someone (me) reaches out she doesn't wanna talk....??? I'm wondering if it's something personal against me... Also, I may not have done the right thing, but I told her how deeply I care for her and that I'm afraid I may need to contact someone that can help her more than I do. She said I scared her and that she hates that I "threaten her". I don't know what to do, I feel like no matter what I do it's always wrong...
 
L

Let_it_end

Active member
Joined
May 3, 2020
Messages
32
Location
USA
UPDATED: She has posted several photos on social media of her basically crying captioned with sad/depressed captions. I don't get why she's showing everyone she's sad and basically crying for help, but when someone (me) reaches out she doesn't wanna talk....???

Because you keep "threatening" her, she told you that herself. You are part of the problem in some ways. All she wants is a non-judgemental outlet to free her mind. Posting on social media to a void anonymous audience is cathartic. No one to call the cops on her, no one to overly-impose on her mental state..just a release.

I'm wondering if it's something personal against me...

No..

Also, I may not have done the right thing, but I told her how deeply I care for her and that I'm afraid I may need to contact someone that can help her more than I do. She said I scared her and that she hates that I "threaten her". I don't know what to do, I feel like no matter what I do it's always wrong...
You know what to do - stop, leave her alone, stop threatening to call the cops or her father. People who are literally going to kill themselves don't put on such an extravagant display. If you want to be there for her, offer an ear to listen. But stop threatening to get people involved.
 
K

katwomyn3

Well-known member
Joined
May 19, 2020
Messages
46
Location
Los angeles
Jeez I don’t know. But it does like she wants help but doesn’t want to be judged. It’s a thin line. But leaving someone like the way you’re describing her alone also doesn’t seem like a good idea. Especially in these times, where a steady future doesn’t seem guaranteed. No one wants to live with the guilt that you could of done something if the worst happens.
It doesn’t seem like she can talk to people who she can relate to right now. All you can do is supportive and not stigmatize her for her feelings. Not saying to normalize it either and shrug it off. But when she and if she opens up don’t react as much as you want to tell her ‘no don’t feel like that!’ Try to give a safe space to open up her feelings as much as it scares you to hear it. Because as you say she probably doesn’t get it at home.
 
A

Alone and scared

Active member
Joined
Mar 21, 2020
Messages
29
Location
Belfast
I understand how she feels because I feel the same quite often. Being separated from my partner is unbearable but we do it to keep ourselves and others safe. That doesn’t mean it’s esay. It is the worst feeling in the world to lose contact with the person you love, and being depressed makes It even worse again. I am glad that my partner can listen and not give up on me when I speak like you girlfriend. I know he can’t do anything, but it helps when he says things like “ I’m really sorry to hear that” and “ I love you”. That’s all he can do, but it means our relationship is still there, and that means I’m not alone
 

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