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I need help so desperately

L

L8213x

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Feb 16, 2015
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Hi - this is my first post here so I hope its ok. Im struggling with my life desperately. Im 21 years old and have had problem after problem. My mother is a very nasty, selfish woman who treats me vile. She puts me down and loves to make me feel less of a person than herself, growing up my life was just awful. My dad had a drug abuse problem, my mum had an alcoholic problem. My life growing up was a constant struggle, we had no money for food or hot water, the police were forever raiding our home for drugs, my friends growing up laughed at me for having the druggie mum and dad. Infact come to think of it, i had no proper friends because my dad one day in his rage for drugs screamed at them all in the street, and that was the end of those friendships. My mum and dad then divorced, that was hard. I stayed with my mum and she continued to put me down, she never showed me love or affection, nothing. My dad died only 4 months ago of a multiple drug intoxication and im absolutley devestated. My mum laughed in my face about him dying, she came and ruined my daughters 2nd birthday party last week (my daughter is purely the only reason im still here) and now we are not talking.. Infact I have pretty much lost my mother along with my father. I have no proper friends, i was bullied throughout school and high school and now struggle to stay friends with people and the friends i do have, we dont talk much and I cant tell them stuff. I have a partner but he doesn't understand, he never wants to be around me, won't spend time with me and his priorities seem a bit messed up. Overall i feel lonely, lost, devestated and just feel like I want out of life. I havent been diagnosed with depression but i have been diagnosed with anxiety disorders and OCD. Any support would be so greatfully recieved, thank you.
 
*autumn*

*autumn*

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L8213x welcome.
So sorry you have gone through this. Hoping you can connect loads on here.
 
U

Umbria

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Apr 23, 2013
Messages
50
Go to your GP, they may be able to help with a diagnosis or support via talking therapy or a last resort AD's.

I'm sorry, you've had an awfully harsh upbringing it seems, my heart goes out to you. You need a perspective, from someone else, through talking, maybe to the gp or another professional. I'm here if you'd like to PM me.

Sending you strength and hope.
 
calypso

calypso

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Hello L8213x, and :welcome: to the forum. You sound utterly traumatised by those two people who called themselves your parents. I can't imagine how horrific that was and its still having such a devastating effect on your life.

We sometimes have relationships with people who are actually like the person who abused us, we don't know anything else and so recognise this in others. Your partner could be a person who is emotionally stunted with you and you chose that not realising where that choice came from.

I would strongly urge you to try to find the money for good therapy. It is about £35 an hour, which sounds a lot, but you might be able to find that. Also ask your GP for referral, if you are British, and see what you can get there. You have a lot of issues to sift through.

The biggest thing is to tease apart what is you and what is your parents. Its quite hard as children so often blame themselves for what is the parents behaviour, even whilst they rage against it. I would imagine this background has left you with a very confused identity. I sincerely believe therapy would be able to gradually help you find yourself and feel stronger. Its about challenging all those beliefs you grew up with.

You are though amazing! You have a child and you are trying very hard to be a great parent. You have had the strength to push your mother away, (rightly in my opinion) and not let her venom infect your child. Try to give yourself a lot of credit for how powerful you are, despite everything. You have come on here and you are seeking a way through. That's really a strong statement you are making. I hope you get more answers soon.
 
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