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I need help im so miserable and confused and im scared to tell anyone incase im overeacting

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Immy2467

New member
Joined
May 9, 2021
Messages
2
Location
Oxford
Hi im new here,
Im not sure if i have a genuine eating disorder or one thats worth fixing. I feel so large the whole time and i hate myself for it. Recently i was doing so well, i had stopped purging and using laxatives for the whole of april and had lost a stone i know from not the best methods (being restrictive) but it felt so good to be uncer control of my weight snd finally make a difference to my body. Howwever i went back to uni for a friends birthday and i over indulged and all my feeligns of guilt and like i had ruined all my hard work came back and so i purged and took a few laxatives and felt so ill the two next day i couldnt move and at first i was like oh its fine ill just stay in bed and not eat but then after those days i binged again and since then ive been in such a cylce hating myself for it because ive gone back to swaure one after thinking this would finally be my year. I cant talk to anyone i know because theybjust wont understand. Ive mentioned it s few times but its always just dismissed quickly because i guess i am fat and have no reason for concern. I guess im not physically ill but mentally. I dont know im just so miserable the whole time thinking about food and what im am or not going to eat. I miss so many things my friends do because im scsred to eat food or that they would think im huge but then i go and do the opposite of what my mind says and binge at home by myself. Im just so sad and want someone to talk to or at least tonunderstand me because i feel no one will until i look sick
 
P

Purpleplum

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 7, 2020
Messages
2,245
Location
nowhere
Have you considered going to an eating disorder therapist or maybe an ED support group? They will understand that those with ED's come in all sizes and a wide range of ways they act around food.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
8,247
Location
Nashua NH
Hi im new here,
Im not sure if i have a genuine eating disorder or one thats worth fixing. I feel so large the whole time and i hate myself for it. Recently i was doing so well, i had stopped purging and using laxatives for the whole of april and had lost a stone i know from not the best methods (being restrictive) but it felt so good to be uncer control of my weight snd finally make a difference to my body. Howwever i went back to uni for a friends birthday and i over indulged and all my feeligns of guilt and like i had ruined all my hard work came back and so i purged and took a few laxatives and felt so ill the two next day i couldnt move and at first i was like oh its fine ill just stay in bed and not eat but then after those days i binged again and since then ive been in such a cylce hating myself for it because ive gone back to swaure one after thinking this would finally be my year. I cant talk to anyone i know because theybjust wont understand. Ive mentioned it s few times but its always just dismissed quickly because i guess i am fat and have no reason for concern. I guess im not physically ill but mentally. I dont know im just so miserable the whole time thinking about food and what im am or not going to eat. I miss so many things my friends do because im scsred to eat food or that they would think im huge but then i go and do the opposite of what my mind says and binge at home by myself. Im just so sad and want someone to talk to or at least tonunderstand me because i feel no one will until i look sick
If you are attending university there should be a counseling service there who could help you with this. We cannot diagnose here but it sure sounds like an eating disorder to me. I’m so sorry that you are struggling. xo, j
 
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Immy2467

New member
Joined
May 9, 2021
Messages
2
Location
Oxford
If you are attending university there should be a counseling service there who could help you with this. We cannot diagnose here but it sure sounds like an eating disorder to me. I’m so sorry that you are struggling. xo, j
thank you but my uninever replied to any of my messages and I graduate in a month so im assuming its not possible to get help from them. I have found a support group and im really scared to join i dont know why i feel embarrassed and so scared no one will beleive me because i dont look sick enough. I just wish someone in my life understood but they dont and the only people that will be there for me are strangers :( thank you though!
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
8,247
Location
Nashua NH
thank you but my uninever replied to any of my messages and I graduate in a month so im assuming its not possible to get help from them. I have found a support group and im really scared to join i dont know why i feel embarrassed and so scared no one will beleive me because i dont look sick enough. I just wish someone in my life understood but they dont and the only people that will be there for me are strangers :( thank you though!
Eating disorders are not about looks, they are about behaviors. I’m sure once you describe the symptoms you are struggling with people will understand. xo, j
 
Takingmybrain

Takingmybrain

Well-known member
Joined
May 23, 2020
Messages
469
Location
South east england
Ive been to eating disorder support group before.people are all shapes and sizes. No one judges each other. Its alot about behaviours and whats going on mentally. Its well worth giving the support group a try. X
 

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