I need help! I think my friend is having some mental issues! Please give me some advice ASAP!

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MayaTheBee

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Jul 29, 2015
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I need help! I think my friend is having some mental issues! Please give me some advice ASAP!

Hello to everyone,
this is first time I'm using this kind of forum. But I really need help! I have a pen-pall :) Maybe this will sound odd, but yes, we are actually just pen palls. We "know" each other more than 5 years. We chat on everyday basis, we write each other mails. And from time to time I could noticed his strange behavior, but since I'm not expert, I thought it's normal, just his character, who he is. My friend is from USA, I'm from Europe, so his native language is English. But sometimes he needs a lot of time to answer even if the question is really simple. Also he would often jump from subject to subject, and would easily get angry over totally irrelevant things. But yesterday, things got really bad. We were talking about TV shows, particularly about Revenge, which he considers stupid. He told me several times how show is dumb, although his brother is watching it too. Then he started asking me about show. I answered one question, and when I said if he is not watching it, why so interested in it??? He offered to send me money for the answer. When I told him it's silly for him offering me money for something irrelevant, he said to me to forget. But then again insisted for me to answer. When I refused again, he became really angry, told some really odd sentences and when I ask him is everything OK, he said that he needs to drink some water to calm down. After he did that, he again offered me money, and again apologized and told me to forget. But admitted that he is really angry and annoyed because I do not want to give him an answer. I told him 2-3 times to ask his brother, but he got over this like I did not even told him that. Then I had to leave, and when I came back, I found a some kind of proclamation he wrote in chat, it goes something like this: The Revenge is dumb show and if I you are watching it, You are only wasting your time. He also told that he visited The Hollywood and Long Island-where the show takes place, and he can tell that show is stupid. The he told me that is an American and as an American he knows that American Revenge is dumb. Then he told it's enough about the show, and that he does not want to talk about it anymore. It's like closed subject! I was so surprised and speechless. Than I wrote him a long e-mail taking out all my concerns, fears and telling him that he maybe has some mental disorder. He answered me, asking for my forgiveness and telling it's not who he is, he does not have mental issues, how he just crossed line... etc. To make this story as short as possible, here are my main concerns:
1. How can adult, mature and normal man can easily get angry and make such a fuss over totally irrelevant thing, such as TV show?
2. If he is mentally OK, as he claims, why does he goes from one extreme situation to another: demanding answer and then apologizing???? Sometimes I feel like he acts like those men who hit their wives: first they hit them, and then crying and asking for forgiveness!!
3. He once, long time ago, told me that he has problem as a child with focusing and that he visited therapist and he did have problem to graduate college and often switched main subjects. He is male, 35 years old, living in USA (the land with endless possibilities as I see it), but yet he does not have regular job, he lives with his mother, he often can not sleep, he doesn't actually have best friend, he has a lot of dreams, wishes, but he often jump from one to another: one day he is making some cell phone applications, other is writing script for some show, third day he is doing some computer programming, fourth day he is writing some math book/ manual..... And everyday is something different, but at the end, there isn't any benefit from any of those activities.
4. When he starts to talk about something he likes, he writes like 50 sentences explaining in details everything.
5. He knows everything, so no matter which subject I brought, he will write about it and when I ask him how he knows it, his answer: I took, for example, psychology at college.
6. His parents are/were rich (his father passed away 3 years ago), his mother works as a software developer/programmer and earns approx. $100,000 per year. And when I ask him how she learned all that, for my point of view "man stuff"?? His answer usually is: I thought her everything she knows!!! Isn't this odd? He is unemployed, while his mother is earning sooo much money and he taught her!!!!

Please help me, and give me your honest answers, because I do not know what to think. My 6th sense is telling me: watch out, be careful, something is wrong with him, but my hearts tells me I should give my best and try to help him!

Thank you!
 
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MarlieeB

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I think you are reading way too much into it.
 
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MayaTheBee

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Jul 29, 2015
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Thank you for your answer... I simply got that strange feeling and wanted to share with someone..... Maybe you are right! We will see.... It's just my 6th sense has never betrayed me.... So that was probably the reason why I got "too much into it"..... I do not know, I'm confused....
 
Nikita

Nikita

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I honestly think you are reading too much into it and being far too judgemental of this long distance friend.
If you think he overreacted cos of a question about a gameshow I think you have gone over the top trying to find something mentally wrong with this friend.So he doesn't have a job in the land of plenty,honestly that is a myth that america is a land of opportunity,there are unemployed people there too.And he jokes he taught his mum everything she knows,again,you are too keen to make someone mentally ill just on the basis of an angry outburst,which isn't a symptom of mental illness,people can get angry without being ill.
I don't think sixth sense has anything to do with this you are being unnecessarily fussy and finding fault.
 
tiltawhirl

tiltawhirl

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It is not just about the show. There is a whole list of behaviors.

He would not qualify for benefits as he might in the UK, so here..it would be generally true that he would be out working hard to find a job or going to uni.

For starters, it sounds like a learning disability if he finds it difficult to write.

Set aside the small thing of a tv show and look at the whole picture.

There is a cultural difference, it's far more common in the UK to have adult children living at home. It did occur more often due to the recession, the high cost of living here.

$100,000 is not rich, it is middle class and mostly just comfortable.His father would have had insurance to pay off the house and a sum to go his heirs, as chosen by him. But mom may well be struggling to keep up the lifestyle she and her deceased husband established.

I would wonder why mom is sheltering grown son from the real world and independence.

just my 2 cents
 
Kerome

Kerome

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Well, America does contain some strange people (sorry Americans!) so maybe he is just one of those. I think you're right, what he says does strike me as odd as well, but not really on a mentally ill level, just a bit off the normal track.

I think you're right to take care. But it doesn't mean do not communicate with him or anything. So I guess you can just carry on being pen pals.
 
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