I need help(I really do!)

everywhichwaybutnormal

everywhichwaybutnormal

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Dec 7, 2010
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53
Location
Northampton
How can i convince myself not to cut my own face off? :'(

its really getting to me now ive been wanting to self harm for about 2 days now and along with my other effed up thoughts im now having suicidal thoughts again my head is all over the place with emotions running wild and free i just want to be how i was when i left hospital(Radcliffe) but without the aspd destroying my image and life and also my borderline i want it gone all gone!!

So my psychiatrist`s answer to all this (i must say i havent told him about the self harm because i didnt feel that way when i last saw him) so im now on maximum dosage of zyprexa which is 20 mg dont get me wrong it works a treat but the thoughts are just getting worse and its either gonna be me or someone else in an early grave...

dont mean to sound so negative its just ive been throught enought crap to last a lifetime let alone for all this to happen in one year :'( :'(



EWWBN :'(
 
P

Petalsoup

Guest
aw hunny SH thoughts are so irritating and miserable, sometimes it feels like they won't let you go. is there anything that helps you to distract yourself? Do you know why you feel like SHing, and can you find a better way to express emotion that relates to that reason? Since I got to the bottom of why I SH'd, its been easier not to.
 
Raina Walks

Raina Walks

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May 11, 2011
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2,403
I have felt homicidal and suicidal and there was a day when if I had bumped into this one guy he was going to go down...he had hurt me so much and caused me so much harm that I wanted him dead...even if it meant I would do it myself.

What helped was distraction....my niece wanted to spend time with me and I could never hurt children....so I wrote letters to him saying everything in my mind and heart...I let it out and now...while I hate him still...I would not act out if I saw him...

Hope you can find something that will ground you and help you see some beauty in life again....hope you keep posting...it helps to get it out...
 
Angels

Angels

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Oblivion
When i felt like this i needed a distraction too, my thoughts would race with ways to harm others. if i didnt harm others it was always myself i took it out on. Sometimes i just HAD to self harm to get away the shaking and the intense anger towards humanity as a whole.
I started to think of people as useful - having some sort of purpose (yes, it was hard.) But eventually it worked. Without a doubt you still get those nights where you would just love to ring someone elses neck but hey, What good would that do? A nice prison sentance and a straight jacket.
 
everywhichwaybutnormal

everywhichwaybutnormal

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Dec 7, 2010
Messages
53
Location
Northampton
are the thoughts better now - drugs could have settled in by now?
The thoughts are still there the drugs are useless in my honest opinion because im having a long battle with psychosis now which im getting through but just got to get a medication change because ive been on olanzapine now since january which is far to long i would rather they put me a mood stabilizer and another anti-psychotic then i could probaly progress further in life and get my degree in english literature which ive been wanting for a long time now....

thanks
 
J

john2054

Guest
Hi everyway, I just this September started my Sociology degree, and I have to say I am finding it tremendous. I remember being on Olanzapine Zyprexa a while ago and I have to say that I hated it. It made me dead paranoid and hear things and imagine things which weren't there, I can say now in hindsight. I am much better now on the Zuclopenthixal depot i am now on once a fortnight. As I just said, I have been able to start my degree on it (even albeit parttime), and I have to say I am loving it. So good luck then!
 
everywhichwaybutnormal

everywhichwaybutnormal

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Northampton
I asked the crisis team whether my psychosis was down to the olanzapine and they said its rare that they backfire???!!!
 
J

john2054

Guest
Hi everywhich, they have been telling me that I am mentally ill for the last seven years solid. They have also told me that I need successive drugs over the years, from Aripiprazole zyprexa, to olanzapine, to sodium valporate, to injections. And trust me I don't need any of them. They all have negative side effects, and you do best if you can try and stay out of hospital and keep busy and active. So I will say again, good luck with the degree. have you got the qualifications to do it, or will you need to do an access like i did?x
 
everywhichwaybutnormal

everywhichwaybutnormal

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Messages
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Location
Northampton
I think i might have a chance because when i left school two years ago i left with a A* in english im hoping to go college next year to study english literature and then a degree later on in life its my long term ambition and goal to get it and mental health isnt getting in the way of it i dont care what the doctors say!
 
J

john2054

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Good grade everywhich I must say. But I also have to say that english degrees have an awful lot of reading attached. Do you realise that? Perhaps try sociology at a level (it is about the study of people and groups), and see how you find this. Maybe you will want to continue this to degree level? I got a b for english, but a stars for science and maths. I am now doing my degree fifteen years (and a rocky road later).

x John.
 
everywhichwaybutnormal

everywhichwaybutnormal

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Joined
Dec 7, 2010
Messages
53
Location
Northampton
Good grade everywhich I must say. But I also have to say that english degrees have an awful lot of reading attached. Do you realise that? Perhaps try sociology at a level (it is about the study of people and groups), and see how you find this. Maybe you will want to continue this to degree level? I got a b for english, but a stars for science and maths. I am now doing my degree fifteen years (and a rocky road later).


x John.

I have a love for english so will carry it on with a passion im in the process at the moment to finish my music btec then move on to health and social :)
 
J

john2054

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I have a love for english so will carry it on with a passion im in the process at the moment to finish my music btec then move on to health and social :)
Hi everywhich, don't get me wrong, I have an aptitude for music (seeing as I enjoy playing chords on my guitar in my spare time), also I did the first year of an avce in health and social care (a b after appeal), and I think that this is a commendable career choice. But that all being said, at thirty and just starting the first year of my degree, don't you think that I wish that I had started it earlier? Well I do anyhow, and so I can wholeheartedly recommend that you start a Batchelor of Arts program at the university of your choosing as soon as possible, in order for you to get this next stage of your life under way. This is just my advice anyway. x
 
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