I made a post with a rather flippant title last night as I was quite angry. How ever many times I go through this cycle from high to low I never seem to recognize the pattern. I was high last week and I followed through the usual cycle of seeming to be okay and then got angry (over a big issue last night but it can equally be something quite trivial) and today the big low. I really want to die. It seems that the whole world is conspiring against me living as I can't get in touch with anybody today. They're not in, they're busy and so I leave messages. I spoke briefly to someone who's phone then cut out. I need to talk to a person but I can't stop crying long enough just to get out and have a short walk. I have to meet two people at 2.00 (which is when everybody I've been trying to get in touch with will ring me up you can guarantee that) and I don't want to meet them but I haven't a choice. I'm scared about my cutting because it's getting to be more like a rehearsal than relief and I can't get hold of my psych or my GP today and I'm just a big mess. I'm really scared.