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I need help - I never seem to recognize the pattern

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Dollit

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I made a post with a rather flippant title last night as I was quite angry. How ever many times I go through this cycle from high to low I never seem to recognize the pattern. I was high last week and I followed through the usual cycle of seeming to be okay and then got angry (over a big issue last night but it can equally be something quite trivial) and today the big low. I really want to die. It seems that the whole world is conspiring against me living as I can't get in touch with anybody today. They're not in, they're busy and so I leave messages. I spoke briefly to someone who's phone then cut out. I need to talk to a person but I can't stop crying long enough just to get out and have a short walk. I have to meet two people at 2.00 (which is when everybody I've been trying to get in touch with will ring me up you can guarantee that) and I don't want to meet them but I haven't a choice. I'm scared about my cutting because it's getting to be more like a rehearsal than relief and I can't get hold of my psych or my GP today and I'm just a big mess. I'm really scared.
 
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rose

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hi hon im rose
i know where your comming from , as i have highs followed by deverstating lows , but sometimes i can feel the onset , not surevif its good or bad
do you have any family or friends you can talk to ,
as for the cutting , god ive gone from drugs/starving myself to cutting just to bring the pain from inside to a physical relief , and all i can tell you there is it leaves nothing but ugly scars and a reminder of sad times , as well im sure your aware ,
wish i could give you a big hug , and be there for you
if you need to talk about anything please contact me leave your email or send a post
it will get better hun
all my best rose:flowers::flowers:
 
daffy

daffy

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Hi dollit:grouphug:

keep your chin up hun. We are here for you. I have sent you a PM so you can add me to your MSN if you want. Or you can just PM me back if you want to pour it all out

take care

xxxx
 
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Dollit

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Thank you Rose & Daffy. My sister rang to say my mum had a colonoscopy today and couldn't speak for long but she was supportive. I had a text off another friend. I spoke to someone this afternoon who is very supportive but who also tells me what's going on in his world which is very soothing. It the drama of the change that affects me as opposed to the mood I end up in. My psych says he's never seen anyone become suicidal as quickly as I do which frightens us all. But I will be okay and tomorrow I'll be really tired but back towards level again. Thanks for the hugs and the support, I really do appreciate it deeply.
 
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rose

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hi hon ,
im glad your feeling a little better
and i really do know how you feel , i need continuity , and thing can set of my mood too , from happiness to suicide in a hour
mad eh ha ha
as i said if you ever want to let it all out just give me a shout and will try to help:grouphug:
 
Fedup

Fedup

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Thank you Rose & Daffy. My sister rang to say my mum had a colonoscopy today and couldn't speak for long but she was supportive. I had a text off another friend. I spoke to someone this afternoon who is very supportive but who also tells me what's going on in his world which is very soothing. It the drama of the change that affects me as opposed to the mood I end up in. My psych says he's never seen anyone become suicidal as quickly as I do which frightens us all. But I will be okay and tomorrow I'll be really tired but back towards level again. Thanks for the hugs and the support, I really do appreciate it deeply.
:hug: Dollit
Pleased you feel a little better now :flowers:

:tea:
 
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Dollit

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I am overwhelmingly grateful for this forum. I have never had such a special place. We get to give when we want to and take when we need to and without judgment or censure. Wonderful place. xxx
 
daffy

daffy

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Am so glad ur feeling a bit easier dollit. Ive usually been slow with my mood changes but this last week or two its been changing about 3 times a day so i can understand where your coming from and it is frightening.

If you can just manage to stick out the change i find it ususally eases within an hour. Then an hour later i can find myself at the the shops spending money, (which i dont have):)

Anyway hope u keep feeling ok
 
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rose

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money

ha ha ha me too spescialy when onhigh , think im the queen prancing about like a muppet , ha ha
usualy nice toggs for the kids , arg too many growth spurts though


hon you are sooooooooooo welcome , im sure we all agree , we are one big family
all in the same boat one way or other
:grouphug:
 
daffy

daffy

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On one occasion id gone to do a bit of food shopping, and b4 i knew it i was trying to buy a double bed. Which i did not need. Fortunatly my siser was with me and managed to explain that i wasnt going to buy it and dragged me out.

Unfortunatly the next time it cost me dear. I had previously agreed that i would hand my cards over when i was going high. (but that doesnt stop u buying of the internet) My family thought everything was ok till they found out i had remortgaged my house, bought a car and ordered a new kitchen. Fortunatly ive a very good SW and she sorted most of it out for me, but its made me very wary of it happening again
 
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Dollit

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I don't do the overspending when high anymore. I don't know why but I haven't done it for ages. Once I spent £700 on a word processor and this was about 10 years ago so it was really expensive and then decided I didn't like it and literally binned it. I also once bought a game boy though why I don't know because I'm really clumsy and have hardly any hand-eye co-ordination. When I get high I get irritable and arrogant and generally a pain in the neck. I can cope with the moods in either direction it's the changes I find hard. I'm stable at the moment but still a rapid cycler and at my worst I change so many times in a single day it's not possible to count. What I don't get is when people say they enjoy the highs - does anyone here enjoy the highs?
 
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rose

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hmm

daffy you maniac ,sorry have bad scence of humour ,
but would love a new kitchen
my hubby was i navy but left to be my carrer now living in well , it aint good
lets just say the first day i moved in iwatched kids stoning windows across way

and dollit no hate highs know im gonna crash ,
like a drug addict , although big big confes , changed cutting and not eating for booze
not during day
but have emetophobia aswel as mh , although had mh b4 emet
oh im gonna watch a carry on movie soon , off subject
who likes
best rose:flowers:
 
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Dollit

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Rose as long as you keep on putting one foot in front of the other you're moving in the right direction. Hope you enjoy the Carry On movie (my sister's favourites). I'm really tired so I'm off to bed with a book and :tea: and another early night tomorrow. By Thursday I'll be back to myself again but oh what a long week! Thanks for seeing me through this guys. :grouphug:
 
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Dollit

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I woke up this morning with a stinking cold and so I'm off down to Lush to get something nice for the bath tonight. Have to go to a PACT meeting tonight (two of my support team will also be there so it's a good thing) and then when I come back it's in the tub for an hour with something smelly and another early night. I'm feeling more like me again - thank you once more for being there. :tea:
 
daffy

daffy

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Hi dollit glad your feeling better today.

We have a Lush stre in the city and you can smell it from half a dozen shops away. You need something with menthol or eucalyptus to help ease your cold

xx
 
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