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I need help. I don’t need help.

S

sunshinegirl2001

Guest
I need help.

I’m so disappointed in myself. I don’t even know how to get out of this rut.

My GPA dropped from a 3.8 to a 3.5 now in one semester. I received a C in a class that I had an A+ in because I couldn’t recover from a depressive episode I had for almost two months. A B+ in a class because my attendance was shit and I didn’t make the syllabi requirement for receiving an A.

Yet, I don’t want to sign up for disability services at school. All of this could have been prevented if I did. I would have gotten chances for extensions and I excused absences.

Yet, I don’t feel sick. I stopped taking my meds because i felt better and also because I was lazy and didn’t want to refill them because, well, I felt better. But then the “better” was overspending to where my account is currently overdrawn by $50, I spent almost $2000 in two months with no job, I wasted my money on fucking clothes and shit that I don’t even wear. I’m so freaking hungry all of the time. I’m hyper sexual and can’t stop talking when provoked. I mix up audio to where they’re saying what I’m thinking in my head on the show. I was watching spongebob thinking about something and he started talking about it on the screen. Is that normal? I got someone else on tv and their outfit wrong (white suit and black shirt instead of black suit and white shirt) and when I was corrected I was denying it because I saw him wear a white suit and not a black one. I’m on chat rooms talking to men and I’m so overconfident on my clothing style, life, etc. I think?? Now, I think that it’s okay for me to crush on guys older than me even and these symptoms ALWAYS are bundled up together. I wake up late and stay up late.

Just last week, I was getting up early and going to sleep well, not eating enough (somewhat), feeling levelheaded about myself and now I feel like I am the shit by judging people and their lives. I don’t know. I’m so upset with my school performance but I don’t think that I’m sick. I think that this is me and I need help. I’m aware and not aware because I don’t need meds. My life isn’t affected that bad I guess. Idk. I’m so fucking dumb. My first college C because I was depressed and didn’t seek help. I hate myself.

I want to give up. i want ti drop out of school for my gpa because i have to apply to transfer to a nursing program and now my gpa is fucking ruined. i dont want accomodations. i want to be normal or whatever. lamictal, it stopped the depression but then idk bc it was like hypomania.



i hate this sh!t bc i dont know who i am.
 
N

Nukelavee

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 17, 2019
Messages
3,408
Location
London, ON
go back on your meds, talk to your doctor, get the disability help at school.

your disorder is screwing you over, and convincing you this is fine - and you know it's not. Nothing worse than feeling in control while being far from. I've been there.

On the other hand - you dropped .3 on your GPA, that's pretty minor. I had major depression during high school and university, my marks were always all over the place. I dropped from 85% to 72 percent in half a semester, my overall average dropped from 80 to 74. got into university based on mid-term marks, thank god.

did OK at uni, but could have done so much better.

Take the help they offer, get back on your meds, and you'll be fine - your GPA is still really good.
 
S

sunshinegirl2001

Guest
go back on your meds, talk to your doctor, get the disability help at school.

your disorder is screwing you over, and convincing you this is fine - and you know it's not. Nothing worse than feeling in control while being far from. I've been there.

On the other hand - you dropped .3 on your GPA, that's pretty minor. I had major depression during high school and university, my marks were always all over the place. I dropped from 85% to 72 percent in half a semester, my overall average dropped from 80 to 74. got into university based on mid-term marks, thank god.

did OK at uni, but could have done so much better.

Take the help they offer, get back on your meds, and you'll be fine - your GPA is still really good.
Is there a way to beat it w/o medication? Frankly, my brain keeps telling me that I’m taking this all up. I’m not bipolar. I just have really bad habits and behavior sometimes. I don’t need medication because I can control it. Nothing is wrong with overspending, grandiosity, hypersexuality, etc. despite it moderately to severely affecting my life. I can’t trust myself. I’m hearing my thoughts out loud through the tv. I’m just lost on what’s real or not.
 
N

Nukelavee

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 17, 2019
Messages
3,408
Location
London, ON
Is there a way to beat it w/o medication? Frankly, my brain keeps telling me that I’m taking this all up. I’m not bipolar. I just have really bad habits and behavior sometimes. I don’t need medication because I can control it. Nothing is wrong with overspending, grandiosity, hypersexuality, etc. despite it moderately to severely affecting my life. I can’t trust myself. I’m hearing my thoughts out loud through the tv. I’m just lost on what’s real or not.
I'm not bipolar, I have BPD, but, I don't think coping unmedicated is recommended. I would think it would take a ton of work and time, and you sound like you need control sooner.

Go back on your meds, and a lot of these issues will likely disappear. you aren't controlling it.

Please, talk to your doctor and take your meds.
 
Bipolarbear808

Bipolarbear808

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 15, 2020
Messages
226
Location
USA
I need help.

I’m so disappointed in myself. I don’t even know how to get out of this rut.

My GPA dropped from a 3.8 to a 3.5 now in one semester. I received a C in a class that I had an A+ in because I couldn’t recover from a depressive episode I had for almost two months. A B+ in a class because my attendance was shit and I didn’t make the syllabi requirement for receiving an A.

Yet, I don’t want to sign up for disability services at school. All of this could have been prevented if I did. I would have gotten chances for extensions and I excused absences.

Yet, I don’t feel sick. I stopped taking my meds because i felt better and also because I was lazy and didn’t want to refill them because, well, I felt better. But then the “better” was overspending to where my account is currently overdrawn by $50, I spent almost $2000 in two months with no job, I wasted my money on fucking clothes and shit that I don’t even wear. I’m so freaking hungry all of the time. I’m hyper sexual and can’t stop talking when provoked. I mix up audio to where they’re saying what I’m thinking in my head on the show. I was watching spongebob thinking about something and he started talking about it on the screen. Is that normal? I got someone else on tv and their outfit wrong (white suit and black shirt instead of black suit and white shirt) and when I was corrected I was denying it because I saw him wear a white suit and not a black one. I’m on chat rooms talking to men and I’m so overconfident on my clothing style, life, etc. I think?? Now, I think that it’s okay for me to crush on guys older than me even and these symptoms ALWAYS are bundled up together. I wake up late and stay up late.

Just last week, I was getting up early and going to sleep well, not eating enough (somewhat), feeling levelheaded about myself and now I feel like I am the shit by judging people and their lives. I don’t know. I’m so upset with my school performance but I don’t think that I’m sick. I think that this is me and I need help. I’m aware and not aware because I don’t need meds. My life isn’t affected that bad I guess. Idk. I’m so fucking dumb. My first college C because I was depressed and didn’t seek help. I hate myself.

I want to give up. i want ti drop out of school for my gpa because i have to apply to transfer to a nursing program and now my gpa is fucking ruined. i dont want accomodations. i want to be normal or whatever. lamictal, it stopped the depression but then idk bc it was like hypomania.



i hate this sh!t bc i dont know who i am.
Hey Sunshine,

Im really sorry to hear that you're struggling right now. I know what it can be like to have your emotions pulling you in two different directions at one. It sounds like it would be a good idea for you to get back on your medication, at least until you can stabilize a bit. You might feel like its manageable right now, but that can quickly get away from you and you wouldn't want to make your situation even worse.

Don't give up and know that there is always help out there for you!
 
C

chess_player

Member
Joined
Dec 10, 2020
Messages
8
Location
USA
Hi Sunshine,

I would recommend getting back on your medication. When I had a manic episode I also didn't think anything was wrong with me but after my family helped me start medication I realized that I was actually quite sick. The things you're talking about (overspending, hypersexuality, grandiosity) are all symptoms of hypomania and if you don't get back on your medication they may progress to full-blown mania.

Wishing you all the best,
CP
 
D

Deleted member 94230

Guest
I feel exactly like you, i know i need help i just don't want it. Now psychiatrists made my mom responsible for my meds. Do you have someone in your life who could make sure that you take your meds? I understand that you don't want help but take it till you graduate. I also have exams coming up so i am ok with taking meds till next year then i'll try stopping again.
 
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