• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

I need help for my girlfriend with an eating disorder.

L

LoveClau

New member
Joined
Jan 10, 2021
Messages
1
Location
El Salvador
Well, this my first posting here, i joined just for this.

I'm in a really recent relationship, my girlfriend has 23, and I'm 24 years old, she told me a month ago that she purge, and with the pass of the days she opened more and talk me that she has almost 10 years dealing with and eating disorder, sometimes she doesn't eat, other times she is extreme with her diet, something she just eats without control sometimes she will purge, at this point she talks to me in the morning telling me that she feels great and that she is going to be able to "control it" but at night she confesses me that she just purged, this happens daily.

She told me that this is the worst moment of all of her experience with this, and she is just switching between over control her diet, to eating rushes to purging, to not eating at all, the same day.

Today she was telling me something about how she feels like her body is oversensitive to food, like when she eats too much her body gain weight from one day to another, and if she doesn't eat she lost it in one day.

I know almost anything about eating disorders, but i almost sure this is a more complex problem that just she is not able to control her eating habits. I know she had a sexual abuse trauma from her childhood, she just talked to me about it once, but I think that could be part of the whole problems.

Today was the second time she told me that perfectly know what she is doing, and that in some way, she sees this as a way of "slow suicide", I know I'm the only person on her life that know about this problem, I'm trying to convincing her to seek her, but she keeps telling me that she feels like "nobody can help me", "I feel like nobody needs to deal with my problems" and I can hear on her voice that she feel nothing, like, she doesn't feel bad about it, she doesn't feel sad or like she is suffering something, she sees it as a "totally normal" thing in the sense that she have been doing stuff like this almost all her life, it seems like at least 3 of her cousins are doing the same, and she told me today that she only noticed how "bad" it was, was when she told me about it, like she knows that is not "socially acceptable" but she never felt "bad" about it. i dont even know if she has something like depression.

She is having physical health problems, and she perfectly knows that she is damaging her body, she is self-destroying herself, and she knows it, she has stomach ulcers from like 1 o 2 years ago, and nobody on her family or friends knows about it, she doesn't talk about it. I keep telling her that at least look a doctor for treatment on her ulcers, but she doesn't want to do it. also she is having diabetes symptoms.

She also told me that she feels depersonalization experiences and that when she induces vomiting it's not "herself", she feels something similar while having eating anxiety, she just wants to eat a ton of sugar and flour products.

I don't know what to do, I want to help her, but I don't know what to do, asked for advice, on a not dedicated forum and just 3 people told me something, and what everybody says is "leave her", "giver an ultimatum, if she does nothing, leave her", "tell it to her family", the thing is, we are not living together, she lives with her family and she can just leave her house if she wants, I think if I just break up with her, the only thing is going to happen is that she is just not going to tell it to anyone more, I feel like her telling me its like some part of her is asking for my help, and leaving her is going to hurt her more, and I'm not sure even if it's going to work, she had and possessive and controlling ex, so I have fear that is I tell everything to her family she is going to feel like I'm trying to corner her to force her to do something.

I'm trying to convince to make her tell it herself to her family i she says that she don't want to make them deal with "her problem" and that she knows probably she is going to get better but, her family it's going to be controlling her and spying on her, and I'm pretty sure that if that's what happen she is just going to run away from them and from me and basically from everyone, and she is going to get the worst alone.

What is the more "effective" way to help her to realize that she needs to do something?, I don't want to lose her, I don't want her to die, to get chronic sickness or something like that, I want to help her, but I feel trapped, and I don't know what to do...

Im sorry because probably my english is pretty bad, but im really thankfull for any help any of you can give me to help my girlfriend.
 
B

Beingkindtomyself

New member
Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
1
Location
Texas
Hi, as someone who hasn’t ever told anyone about my ED, I suggest trying to get her help. The fact that she is telling you means she wants help and trusts you. If you Google ED help there is a National non profit website. Call them and ask them for help in helping her. You could also talk her into doing couples counseling so you can figure out together how to support her. From that the counselor may help in getting her other help. Or make an appt with a doctor and tell her you don’t want to loose her and if she doesn’t like the doctor she doesn’t have to keep going. But go with her.

ultimately if you do decide that the relationship isn’t working out for one reason or another, do not stay only with her because of her ED. Sometimes we can’t help everyone. I’m sorry you are going through this and I’m sorry she has been fighting this battle alone for so long. I hope she gets better and recovers.
 
P

Purpleplum

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 7, 2020
Messages
1,662
Location
nowhere
You can't help someone who doesn't want to get better. She may not be ready to change despite the damage it's doing to her. What she's doing gives her something (control, security, etc...).

She needs professional help to get off the Merry Go Round but if she doesn't want to because she's comfortable there, you can't make her.

You can give her literature on ED's and hopes she reads them and let her know you are there to help when she wants it.
 
K

karl7

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 9, 2013
Messages
745
Well, this my first posting here, i joined just for this.

I'm in a really recent relationship, my girlfriend has 23, and I'm 24 years old, she told me a month ago that she purge, and with the pass of the days she opened more and talk me that she has almost 10 years dealing with and eating disorder, sometimes she doesn't eat, other times she is extreme with her diet, something she just eats without control sometimes she will purge, at this point she talks to me in the morning telling me that she feels great and that she is going to be able to "control it" but at night she confesses me that she just purged, this happens daily.

She told me that this is the worst moment of all of her experience with this, and she is just switching between over control her diet, to eating rushes to purging, to not eating at all, the same day.

Today she was telling me something about how she feels like her body is oversensitive to food, like when she eats too much her body gain weight from one day to another, and if she doesn't eat she lost it in one day.

I know almost anything about eating disorders, but i almost sure this is a more complex problem that just she is not able to control her eating habits. I know she had a sexual abuse trauma from her childhood, she just talked to me about it once, but I think that could be part of the whole problems.

Today was the second time she told me that perfectly know what she is doing, and that in some way, she sees this as a way of "slow suicide", I know I'm the only person on her life that know about this problem, I'm trying to convincing her to seek her, but she keeps telling me that she feels like "nobody can help me", "I feel like nobody needs to deal with my problems" and I can hear on her voice that she feel nothing, like, she doesn't feel bad about it, she doesn't feel sad or like she is suffering something, she sees it as a "totally normal" thing in the sense that she have been doing stuff like this almost all her life, it seems like at least 3 of her cousins are doing the same, and she told me today that she only noticed how "bad" it was, was when she told me about it, like she knows that is not "socially acceptable" but she never felt "bad" about it. i dont even know if she has something like depression.

She is having physical health problems, and she perfectly knows that she is damaging her body, she is self-destroying herself, and she knows it, she has stomach ulcers from like 1 o 2 years ago, and nobody on her family or friends knows about it, she doesn't talk about it. I keep telling her that at least look a doctor for treatment on her ulcers, but she doesn't want to do it. also she is having diabetes symptoms.

She also told me that she feels depersonalization experiences and that when she induces vomiting it's not "herself", she feels something similar while having eating anxiety, she just wants to eat a ton of sugar and flour products.

I don't know what to do, I want to help her, but I don't know what to do, asked for advice, on a not dedicated forum and just 3 people told me something, and what everybody says is "leave her", "giver an ultimatum, if she does nothing, leave her", "tell it to her family", the thing is, we are not living together, she lives with her family and she can just leave her house if she wants, I think if I just break up with her, the only thing is going to happen is that she is just not going to tell it to anyone more, I feel like her telling me its like some part of her is asking for my help, and leaving her is going to hurt her more, and I'm not sure even if it's going to work, she had and possessive and controlling ex, so I have fear that is I tell everything to her family she is going to feel like I'm trying to corner her to force her to do something.

I'm trying to convince to make her tell it herself to her family i she says that she don't want to make them deal with "her problem" and that she knows probably she is going to get better but, her family it's going to be controlling her and spying on her, and I'm pretty sure that if that's what happen she is just going to run away from them and from me and basically from everyone, and she is going to get the worst alone.

What is the more "effective" way to help her to realize that she needs to do something?, I don't want to lose her, I don't want her to die, to get chronic sickness or something like that, I want to help her, but I feel trapped, and I don't know what to do...

Im sorry because probably my english is pretty bad, but im really thankfull for any help any of you can give me to help my girlfriend.
eating disorders are very complex......keep being supportive to your girlfriend
 

Similar threads

Top