• Share. Be Supported. Recover.

    We are a friendly, safe community supporting each other's mental health. We are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

I need help dealing with someone with low self esteem

M

Molon Labve

Member
Joined
Mar 17, 2020
Messages
11
Location
Brazil
Hello you guys.


It's been a while since I last posted in this forum. Last threads were about me seeking help with my own suffering, but now I come to you with something different to ask.

The thing is I've met someone just wonderful online. She's a bright, artistic, smart, pretty, and caring girl. We match in most aspects. We share same goals, faith, ideals.. But she also suffers with mental health issues. She was traumatized by the divorce of her parents, something you may have seen out there: she has a fear of being abandoned, feels a guilt for what happened to them even rationally knowing she had nothing to do with it. But her main struggle is low self esteem, especially regarding her looks. She is just so pretty, and I'm not talking like that just because I'm into her, she is objectively good looking, yet she always has a negative view of her own. Of course I do not fight it directly, even thought I sometimes point her predicates I know that holding her by her shoulders and shaking while yelling how pretty she actually is would just deliver more damage.
I've chosen to let her know that I comprehend her concerns, yet kindly disagreeing and pointing out why... She would agree at some point when we talk, but I feel like nothing has really changed, she is just doing that to end the talk, you know...

So I've been wondering if you guys could help me to think through that, what would be the best way to deal with it and improve her self esteem and confidence, thus improving her overall quality of life.

Thanks in advance to you guys.
 
Marigold Dip

Marigold Dip

Active member
Joined
Jun 21, 2021
Messages
36
Location
Leeds
Hi Molon Labve, I think that the main thing here is to understand that this isn't a person to be "fixed". They're obviously going through a lot and it will take time and consistency for them to start making their way through their own journey. I would definitely ask to see if there is anything that you could do to help and, importantly - whether she is comfortable talking about these things. It could be that it's good to leave it up to her to speak to you about this if/when she wants to and to focus the friendship on and around the other things you have in interest together. Sometimes the focus on the things we want to help with aren't always the most positive, but the focus on the things that hold interests and may be what she values more, do. I don't know if this makes sense. You obviously care a lot, and it's great that you would like to make them feel better. But it's also not your responsibility to ensure that she changes everything straight away. It will take time and the biggest changes tend to come from the quiet, background factors of friendships and relationships.
 
B

Blackwolf

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 27, 2020
Messages
194
Location
Poland
Im so glad you met someone! Is she going on therapy? I would say, just be for her and with her. Don't force any changes be patient. It should come with time. Can I ask where do you meet people online? (I'm just curious :p)
 
Top