I need help... but I'm too afraid to ask.

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Dts91

Member
Joined
Oct 5, 2016
Messages
8
#1
Hi so apparently I created an account here like three years ago, introduced myself and then never posted again. Ooops! Sorry. I cant remember doing that, at all. I stumbled onto this place again when I was looking for somewhere to go for help and discovered that I already had an account when I tried to make a new one. I’m not really sure how to make a post so apologies if I have messed up.

So as the title says I need help, but I’m scared of asking for it. It literally terrifies me.

I think I’ll need to explain some things, so I apologise if this gets long.

I have suffered from anxiety and depression for a long time now, like since childhood so at least 18 years or so. And for the vast majority of the time I have suffered from it alone. I did see a doctors for a while when I was about 19/20 (after having suffered alone through all of my teenage years) and that was because my mum dragged me there after she realised I hadn’t left my bed in 2 days. The whole experience was awful. Nothing helped. And I was constantly feeling like no one was really understanding me or taking me seriously. So after about 3 years I gave up.

Now that I’m looking back I realise that a big part of the reason that I felt like no one understood me was because I was subconsciously down playing my own feelings. I realised that I always feel guilty about seeing a doctor, like I don’t deserve to be there, like nothing that is wrong with me could ever be as important as someone else and I don’t deserve the doctors time. I feel like I have to downplay how I really feel and make it sound like I’m not as bad as I am to make it easier on them. I’m also really scared of making myself vulnerable and of feeling weak in front of others.

Plus I am terrible at speaking. Whenever I am expected to speak about myself my mind goes completely blank, even though there are dozens of things that I could say I suddenly can’t remember any of them, not only that but I struggle to form a complete thought about anything, it’s like my mind just completely shuts down (which is very unnerving, I am a huge overthinker my mind normally never stops so this is a very strange feeling for me). Because I have such trouble thinking of what to say, my natural instinct is to try and guess what the other person wants to hear, which is often not how I really feel. Physically, on the rare occasions that I can think of what to say, it’s like my throat closes up and I can’t get the words out, I stutter and get words mixed around into the wrong order and I just end up in a big tangled mess. Many times when I was seeing the doctor or at those counselling sessions, it was almost like an out of body experience. Like I would be inside my mind watching myself say that I felt ok, and I would know that I was lying. But I couldn't stop myself. It was like the world wasn't really real, like I was watching it through a window.

I need help. Badly. I’m too tired to keep going anymore. My depression is getting worse and although I wouldn’t say that I am actively suicidal, I go to bed every night hoping that I won’t wake up. My anxiety is getting a lot worse, my self-confidence is non existent and I am overwhelmed by pretty much everything at the moment. I am just about managing to keep going to work like normal but its hard to get through the day without letting on how anxious I am. I’m paranoid, jumping at every little thing, I feel sick with nerves every morning. In a couple of weeks I’m supposed to be going to a meeting in a different city alone, even thinking about it is sending me into panic attacks.

I don’t know what to do. I know that I need help but I don’t know how to get it. Obviously I should start with my GP but I cant even phone and make an appointment because every time I try I get so anxious and worked up that I end up having a panic attack or crying hysterically before I can even give my name. I don't have a great history of medical receptionists, I've always found them to be super rude and not at all sympathetic. They're always trying to rush me on the phone so I always get all muddled up. And the actual appointments scare me. What if they don’t take me seriously again? What if can’t make them understand because I cant find the words? What if they think I’m just using it as an excuse to get out of work? And how the hell would I explain all of this in 5 minutes.

I dont know what I'm looking for. I guess I'm hoping that someone will have tips on how to ask for help without freaking out. Even better if someone could give me actual words to say. Even just to know that I'm not totally alone in this would help.
 
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Lora

Well-known member
Joined
May 8, 2019
Messages
89
Location
United Kingdom
#2
Hi do you have anyone close to you that could make the call for you while your there with them then you will have some support?
 
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OCDguy

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
767
#3
Hi there buddy :welcome:to the forum. My verbal communication is lacking, but just like you, my written communication more than makes up for it :) Posting on this forum in the short term may be just the right way forward :) Although this is a public forum, your true identity is unknown. You can post here to your hearts content, generalising, so you never give away your true identity, and get right to the heart of what's troubling you. You can be assured you are amongst friends here who no doubt will do their best to help and support you in a non judgemental way. Once again :welcome:and make yourself at home :hug:
 
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Dts91

Member
Joined
Oct 5, 2016
Messages
8
#4
Hi Lora thanks for taking the time to read through all that and reply. I'm sorry it's so long. To be honest, no not really. Because I have trouble speaking to people I dont really have any proper friends. The only person in my family who knows about my mental health is my mum and she's not exactly sympathetic. She thinks that I'm too old to still be getting her to do things for me. Last time I went to her with something like this she told me to grow up and stop being so over dramatic. Which is fair, I mean I'm 28. I cant keep running back to my mum every time something gets hard. I just dont know what else to do.
 
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Confusedandanxious

Well-known member
Joined
May 5, 2019
Messages
177
Location
Uk
#5
You could ask your mum if she will make the appointment and go with you, explaining to her that this is a step forward to help you get where you need to be. Maybe if you explain how important it is for you? Hopefully she will help.

When you get to the doctors, you should share this post with them.

There may be mental health charities in your area that could help you out if your mum doesnt. Other members on the forum may know better about that.

It's awful when people dont understand. My dad is the same. He still helps, but every now and then the truth slips out of him where he thinks I'm useless.

Just because our parents dont understand and dont believe our issues are as bad as they are, doesnt mean they are right in their thinking. You are suffering and you deserve to be helped. You are not being over dramatic.
 
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mikedrums

Member
Joined
Apr 9, 2019
Messages
24
Location
New Jersey
#6
I totally understand where you're coming from. I struggle to make appointments too and I always put them off. First off I would actually not start with your GP. I have a good regular doctor and I started with him and he did his best, but they are only very minimally trained in mental health. Really the best thing is a combination of counseling/therapy and psychiatry. Maybe see if there are any places in your area that you can send an email to asking to call you. That helps ease the stress of being the one to call. Once you can get some appointments it all becomes easier. Also do some research on reviews of places and particularly for you see what the reviews say about how nice the staff is. That will boost your confidence. If you can't find anyway to email you will have to call and in this case I would recommend not even thinking about it. Just do it at a random time and jut have it in your head that you're just asking for an initial appointment and the person will prompt you from there. I struggled for so long until I really couldn't take it anymore and forced myself through the initial process and now I'm finally starting to do better. Best of luck and I hope you find the help you need.
 
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Dts91

Member
Joined
Oct 5, 2016
Messages
8
#7
Hi there buddy :welcome:to the forum. My verbal communication is lacking, but just like you, my written communication more than makes up for it :) Posting on this forum in the short term may be just the right way forward :) Although this is a public forum, your true identity is unknown. You can post here to your hearts content, generalising, so you never give away your true identity, and get right to the heart of what's troubling you. You can be assured you are amongst friends here who no doubt will do their best to help and support you in a non judgemental way. Once again :welcome:and make yourself at home :hug:
Hey, thanks for the warm welcome. It's good to know that I'm not the only person out there who isn't good with the whole speaking thing. I definitely like the idea of my identity being unknown. My anxiety around saying the wrong thing and having people judge me is huge, I can't even use facebook because I'm afraid of posting something that people might judge me for. Everyone seems really nice so far so I'm hoping I can keep posting here regularly!
 
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Dts91

Member
Joined
Oct 5, 2016
Messages
8
#8
You could ask your mum if she will make the appointment and go with you, explaining to her that this is a step forward to help you get where you need to be. Maybe if you explain how important it is for you? Hopefully she will help.

When you get to the doctors, you should share this post with them.

There may be mental health charities in your area that could help you out if your mum doesnt. Other members on the forum may know better about that.

It's awful when people dont understand. My dad is the same. He still helps, but every now and then the truth slips out of him where he thinks I'm useless.

Just because our parents dont understand and dont believe our issues are as bad as they are, doesnt mean they are right in their thinking. You are suffering and you deserve to be helped. You are not being over dramatic.
Thank you, so much. I have to be honest, your post made me cry so hard. I was not expecting it, but when I read the bit at the bottom I might have, maybe, burst into tears.

I honestly, genuinely, think that you are the first person who has ever actually said that to me.

Every doctor that I have seen so far has always seemed really reluctant to treat me, like their doing so because I ask but they don't really think I need it. Whenever we spoke they would always refer to me as 'having low mood', I don't think I was ever actually officially diagnosed with depression and my anxiety was completely ignored or brushed aside as if it wasn't important.

And my mums idea of dealing with my issues was to pretend like they didn't exist, until something specific came up that she had to address. And every time we actually spoke about it she was very careful to specify that what I was going through was 'mild'. Whenever I brought up something about my depression she would always say something like 'Oh, you mean your mild depression'. Emphasis on 'mild'. Same with my anxiety. And she wouldn't listen when I tried to tell her otherwise.

So yeah, you are literally the first person to ever say outright, that I'm not being over dramatic, and that I do deserve help. And I had no idea how much I needed to hear that (or read it lol) until now.
 
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gam9147

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 18, 2019
Messages
359
Location
Delaware, USA
#9
Hi my friend, I just wanted to add that I'm happy you've found a place to share and although my anxieties are not identical to yours we all feel a very low self worth and self confidence in various areas more than others. This is something we are all going through, so please don't think its something in just you!

You are worthwhile and deserving of medical treatment, what you have -- anxiety is a real medical problem that we all suffer from. Would going into an office in person help? I don't like doing appointments on the phone and can sometimes excite my anxieties but I'm better in person. not sure if that helps.

Also you never have to tell the receptionist anything about your medical issues, just say you are there for a checkup or you'd rather speak to the doctor about it, most are trained to accept that.

I hope those two little tips can help. BTW I'm 44 and I'm fortunate enough that my mom will still help me if I ask her for it on things like this. Sometimes it is just too overwhelming. I feel myself like I am old enough that I should be able to handle things, but ya know lately its just not the case I need as much help as I can get...

I too don't have friends per say besides the good people here so I can completely understand that as well. Please do try your best to move forward on getting help, at least some medication to help you from feeling so overwhelmed all the time.

Also you can start on breathing exercises and relaxation exercises from the internet or a book -- the one I like to recommend that always helped me is the "anxiety and phobia workbook" by bourne.
 

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