• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

I need help but I can't get help

S

Smartbutdumb

Member
Joined
Dec 13, 2020
Messages
23
Location
India
Hello,

This place is my last resort. I just generally looked up depression forums online to be able to discuss this problem with people who might be going through the same thing that I am going through and maybe even get some help somehow.

To be absolutely honest, I don't know what's wrong with me. I call it depression, but it's not just sadness I am worried about. It's a little bit of everything.

I am 25 years old. I recently completed my masters and started working in a company with a very good work culture. I recently battled out of a very bad heartbreak and I am over it. If you would look at my life circumstantially, I am doing fine.

But I am not. Every day I am battling thoughts of somehow killing myself in the most painless ways possible. Most days I visualise killing myself. It scares me. It all scares me and I want to sit down and cry and forget the world. I feel like crying right now as I am typing this.

I don't know what is wrong with me. I used to be a very motivated person as a teenager. I had all these ambitions, all these high hopes. I WORKED HARD. I used to study Japanese as well as go to college as well as do part-time jobs to have money. I used to be able to do stuff. I had so much potential. I used to read, write (I'd wanted to be an author), draw, dance. I used to DREAM. I used to know exactly where I was in life and I used to know exactly where I wanted to be and I would just...know that I'd get there. I had that self-assurance.

Disillusioned: Today, every day I am not sure if I will live to see another day. It's like I have lost control of myself. It's like my mind has become my enemy and any given day, I might just realize my visualization. I don't know where I am going and I don't know where I am. I feel like I have strayed away and now I am completely and utterly lost. I don't see a future with me and that scares me so damn much.

Constant paranoia: I'm scared of people and most of all, I am scared of me. I am just constantly scared of everything. Every day I am worried that someone will do something, say something that will send me down the rabbit hole. Every day I am scared of myself wondering when I will fall off the edge again. I'm scared that I don't see my future at all.

Lagging behind in everything: I don't do anything. I have an amazing job. I have a handful of good friends. I have so many books. I have all the materials I need to draw. I have all the materials I need to indulge myself in forms of arts. But I am way behind in my office. I have so much work piled up and I don't do anything even though I know it's heading towards a nasty direction. All my books are just collecting dust and turning yellow. I think my paint materials have gone hard already. All I do all day is compulsively scroll through social media and watch series.

Decreased intelligence: I also happen to feel like my brain has slowed down. Simple things feel so very hard. I used to be able to do lots of things together and now I'm just... somehow here. I used to think that as long as I can read it, I will be able to figure it out. Now, no matter how many times I read something, understanding comes very very late, comprehension comes much later.

Everything is too hard: Everything is too hard. Reading, writing, working, understanding something, talking to someone, socializing... thinking. My body feels heavy and breathing is a task. I can't deal with anyone at all and I used to be a fierce person. I know it. I used to be able to talk myself out of any situation. I was so adaptable. I almost envy myself.

I want to live. I have tried to seek help but somehow none of the therapists has clicked with me. I can't do that anymore. My family tries to be understanding of me but they don't know what it's like, so they can't be understanding all the time. I feel like isolating myself completely. I feel guilty for feeling this way because I have everything, more than some people do yet I am here, constantly visualizing killing myself. This is such a long post and I am worried no one is going to read it whole and I will never get a solution.

I want to live. I really want to live. But I just can't live feeling like this anymore. I don't know what to do. I've exhausted all my other options.

There is always a voice in my head, literally, crying "please help me" but who can help me with something so perilous, so difficult yet so invisible. I literally hear "please help me" in my head but I don't know who I can relay that cry for help to. I don't want to be like this. I want to live. I want to stop feeling this and I am so very scared.
 
A

Am33

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Sep 28, 2020
Messages
382
Location
Fiji
You are like millions of others who are suffering from depression .We been taught , lied to by the media that materialism is all there is just go to school work hard get a job working for some corporation making the owners rich and that's all there is to life . We are spiritual beings we have higher needs that aren't being met that is why people are in depression . We need to work on our psychology, self realization to feel wholeness sense of purpose in life . Just as the sages in India have shown us for thousands of years . Read Biography of a Yogi , find some positive affirmations , mantras , sutras , chanting see if if doesn't make you less depressed .
 
S

Smartbutdumb

Member
Joined
Dec 13, 2020
Messages
23
Location
India
You are like millions of others who are suffering from depression .We been taught , lied to by the media that materialism is all there is just go to school work hard get a job working for some corporation making the owners rich and that's all there is to life . We are spiritual beings we have higher needs that aren't being met that is why people are in depression . We need to work on our psychology, self realization to feel wholeness sense of purpose in life . Just as the sages in India have shown us for thousands of years . Read Biography of a Yogi , find some positive affirmations , mantras , sutras , chanting see if if doesn't make you less depressed .
Would you believe me if I said I have tried all of that too? For almost two years I invested time in yoga and mediation. Gurus and all, I find myself being very distrustful about them, but rest assured, I have tried that too. I'm still here feeling like this. I feel like I need some time for the self-realization and everything but in between my constant breakdowns and my work and somehow trying to keep up, I honestly just can't seem to.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Admin
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
20,932
Location
England
Hi smartbutdumb,
Welcome to the forum
Please see a dr medications might be an option for you.

The following helplines etc are for anyone feeling suicidal/unwell.
I will try to find some help for India as well.




If you’re thinking about suicide and are in immediate danger, please call your local emergency number (i.e. in the UK call 999, in the USA or Canada call 911, in Australia call 000 and in New Zealand call 111) or call the international emergency number of 112.

If you have been affected by the contents of this thread and would like to speak to someone about your feelings you can call one of the following helplines:

In the UK and Ireland, the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123.
In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255.
In Canada, the Suicide Prevention Service on 1.833.456.4566.
In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14.
In New Zealand, the Need to Talk service is on 1737 or 080017371737.
Other international helplines can be found at www.befrienders.org.
 
S

Smartbutdumb

Member
Joined
Dec 13, 2020
Messages
23
Location
India
Hi smartbutdumb,
Welcome to the forum
Please see a dr medications might be an option for you.

The following helplines etc are for anyone feeling suicidal/unwell.
I will try to find some help for India as well.




If you’re thinking about suicide and are in immediate danger, please call your local emergency number (i.e. in the UK call 999, in the USA or Canada call 911, in Australia call 000 and in New Zealand call 111) or call the international emergency number of 112.

If you have been affected by the contents of this thread and would like to speak to someone about your feelings you can call one of the following helplines:

In the UK and Ireland, the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123.
In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255.
In Canada, the Suicide Prevention Service on 1.833.456.4566.
In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14.
In New Zealand, the Need to Talk service is on 1737 or 080017371737.
Other international helplines can be found at www.befrienders.org.
You are... so nice. is there something I can help you with? I would like to. If there is anything I can do for you.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Admin
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
20,932
Location
England
Thank you, you are welcome. Thanks for your offer of help.
I hope you feel better very soon.
 
D

Deleted member 91323

Guest
Hello and welcome to the forum. Mayflower has given you some great advice. I have found medication and therapy very helpful for my depression.
 
S

Smartbutdumb

Member
Joined
Dec 13, 2020
Messages
23
Location
India
Hello and welcome to the forum. Mayflower has given you some great advice. I have found medication and therapy very helpful for my depression.
I tried going for therapy a couple of months ago... actually I think it's already been a year. and somehow, none of it clicked. At this point, I think I am even willing to take medicines. Even though I am worried that it might have side effects on my body or mind. Somehow, I feel like my mind really cannot take anymore damage.
 
D

Deleted member 91323

Guest
It can take time to find the right kind of therapy and also a therapist that you feel understands. I can understand you are concerned about medication. I find an antidepressant very helpful. It helps me from dipping too low.
 
A

Am33

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Sep 28, 2020
Messages
382
Location
Fiji
Would you believe me if I said I have tried all of that too? For almost two years I invested time in yoga and mediation. Gurus and all, I find myself being very distrustful about them, but rest assured, I have tried that too. I'm still here feeling like this. I feel like I need some time for the self-realization and everything but in between my constant breakdowns and my work and somehow trying to keep up, I honestly just can't seem to.
There are a lot of false ones out there that tell you they will do all for you just follow them ? .
 
Last edited by a moderator:
A

Alica Smith

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 8, 2020
Messages
586
Location
RF
Wow. Like the description of me.
All I think it's a suicide. When I used to have many hobbies like you
 
A

Alica Smith

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 8, 2020
Messages
586
Location
RF
And being paranoid... Oh yes. Suicidal and paranoid. I can understand you
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
8,362
Location
England

I hope this is useful
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
8,362
Location
England
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
O Need some Help hopefully a Doctor that knows better then most Depression Forum 1
S In my 70s and Lovesick - Need help Depression Forum 3
KaoticKiss I need help with life!!! Depression Forum 55
A I need help!! Depression Forum 27
F Need opinions, ideas, anything to help. Depression Forum 7
Bezerker I need help and don't know where to post Depression Forum 10
G Just need a bit of help? Depression Forum 24
G I need help ‘May be triggering’ Depression Forum 5
J Need some help I'm feeling very depressed the moment and just do not feel good Depression Forum 4
W I need help! Depression Forum 5
R i need to get help for the sake of my family... Depression Forum 4
J Need life help, my story. (sorry) Depression Forum 7
L NEED HELP SOMEONE PLEASE Depression Forum 8
W need help please Depression Forum 6
B I need help for my sister Depression Forum 7
K Just feel like I need to share what’s in my head right now Depression Forum 6
Blooming Do you need a plan your day thread? Depression Forum 2
anodyne Feeling like I need to change completely Depression Forum 3
W Need to support son with depression Depression Forum 5
I Need to moan Depression Forum 5
S Need some advice about a man with depression (I am depressed too) Depression Forum 12
Y Reaching out to someone in need Depression Forum 3
Catty5 Alone....need someone to talk. Depression Forum 18
J Barely have any friends, need advice from others. Depression Forum 2
W I need your opinion / advices, i'm lost with this "friendship".. Depression Forum 25
P Need some serious advice Depression Forum 4
B Blue and in need of a guide Depression Forum 3
W I need to unload and don't know how to talk about stuff so this is my shout in to the void Depression Forum 3
kimidare Need to vent or explode, or implode ? Depression Forum 13
Marrex A need to vent Depression Forum 6
R I need someone to talk to if possible. Depression Forum 18
L I Think I Need To Change Meds Depression Forum 7
B Struggling and need to talk Depression Forum 2
A Need Someone to Talk To.... Depression Forum 6
D Deteriorating mental health : I need to get a lot off my chest Depression Forum 25
J My story is unoriginal but I need to vent pls Depression Forum 6
M Girlfriend has depression and has pushed away. Need advice/support Depression Forum 2
E I just need someone to speak to... I’m really struggling and can’t talk to anyone else Depression Forum 15
S SSRIs are screwing me up. Need ur experience with wellbutrinh Depression Forum 1
S In need of some reassurance Depression Forum 1
J I need this off my chest Depression Forum 2
M I need to finally admit i havent fixed it Depression Forum 3
M New here, need to talk to someone Depression Forum 9
ineedabettername I’m in need of some serious life advice. 💢 What can I do? Depression Forum 5
E I need a new perspective Depression Forum 2
A The need for others Depression Forum 6
U Can you please offer me some help. Depression Forum 9
Fairy Lucretia im so scared please lese help Depression Forum 9
K Help! Can't See Preferred Doctor. Depression Forum 9
ILikePancakes I Feel Like I shouldn't Get Help Depression Forum 3

Similar threads

Top