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I need help ASAP, arrested - medication users

M

mrsmiles

New member
Joined
May 5, 2009
Messages
4
A family member had me arrested today and I really need your help tonight.

[quick history, feel free to skip]
Child - feel very alienated, experience strange dreams, emotions & memories (particularly combinations that don't seem 'normal'). Dad dies at 9 or 10 and mother starts drinking, household goes into decline.
Teens - unable to fit in, depressed, don't show emotion. Don't invite friends round, ever due to state of home, no girlfriend, few long term friends. Begin feeling stranger, as though I'm being watched while I try to sleep or someone is behind me. I occasionally end up staying up all night in the corner. I rarely dream, sleep is heavily fractured by awakening. Dreams that I do remember appear to have some alien quality to them. I don't believe for sure, but they feel almost like someone is telling me something, trying to make a suggestion or I'm seeing some other physical location. Now also talking to myself in my head far more than I talk to other people, sometimes only waking up at night and living in silence. I hear this voice as my own (I think), but am more aware of the fact I am continually talking to myself rather than others. Am told by multiple people I'm 'odd' or 'cant sit still' or 'they cant read me' (almost everyone who knows me has mentioned one of these).
Things begin going wrong around 18, when I fail my exams (having gone from 100% A* grades in physics without even revising).

Continuous, intense stress and tension. My hands, jaw and muscles are tense to the point of causing headaches (put tongue between teeth sometimes to stop jaw clenching) - dig nails into hands etc. Am told this has been present since birth and I was repeatedly ultrasounded. Experiment with burning my hands when I get annoyed but quickly pass through the anger to apathy.

Feels as though I have ten channels on at once in my brain. Drink heavily (abuse) when going out with friends to block noise off.
[/skip]

[more recent]
Always avoided seeing doctor because thought I was making it up, playing along or that I could think my way of it. Spend until recently (24) trying lots of things - intense, daily running, swimming, gym and very healthy diet. Washing before bed and a clean bed with dim lighting hours before sleep.

Having the worst dreams of my life involving some screaming witch / woman who can pull me towards her like a magnet.

Eventually fail in university and return home, absolutely no one around to talk to. By now I am using numerous drugs (psilocybe, amanita, cannabis, tmpff, bzp, xtc, coke, ketamine, lsa, mescaline and others) in an attempt to solve my feeling of - who am I? Frequently address myself in the third person. Unable to find work and stuck at home again. Take up smoking despite hating it's negative effects on my body to deal with stress.

Bang head with hand or on wall hard when feel like I'm overwhelmed. Pull out hair (the police stopped me doing that today as they arrested me).
[/recent]

Injure tendons and can no longer go running, stress and depression rocket (previously using them to let out energy - to the point of being sick excercising).

Beleive me or not, I have never experienced something scarey or knightmare like with drugs and I don't think they've twisted me in anyway that I wasn't pretwisted - if you've never tried any of these yourself, please don't judge me on them. The things I now have problems with are things I have suppressed since being a kid. I am now sick of supressing them as I am drifting out of existence.

I take myself to the doctor and am prescribed, Prozac 20mg. Start religiously taking it, getting up at 6am sometimes to take it and then going back to bed so it'll be in my brain by the time I wake up properly.

It doesn't seem to be doing a whole lot at first. About two months later, I feel things picking up. Now when someone talks to me, I listen to the emotion and see it through their eyes. My heart and brain tingle with a feeling I really haven't felt since being a child - it's such a powerful experience with a nearly continuous flow of revelations about life and relationships between people. But I still find myself slipping into negativity sometimes, even when I don't try to provoke it and the happiness doesn't feel like it's truely solid yet.

Over my teens, I had supressed my emotions to the point of having almost none visible. With the sparkling happiness I also get intensely bad things in the negatives, which must be maybe a few hours a week?

I begin renovating the house for my mother thinking this will help solve her drinking and the serious arguing between her and my brother. The Prozacs effect is now clearly rubbing off on my family also, and things get much more productive.

Today, I get into an arguement with my brother over a tool he's messing with, that I've bought to fix the house. Having never hit anyone or ever raised my voice before, I throw the tool through a large double glazed window, followed by a pan and a kettle of boiling water, which goes over myself and my brother. Throw kitchen chair through drinks cabinet, smash lamp, smash 6ftx4ft mirror, smash another mirror, rip banister and side off stairs, put my hand through the kitchen door and pull it off it's hinges. By now I've trodden on the broken glass all over the floor and there is blood everywhere, including the walls (my hand is cut from the door in a lot of places). I walk out bare footed and go to the hospital to get it stitched - leaving a trail of footprints behind me - it's deep. Family member phones desk while I'm there and I begin getting paranoid they may have told the staff what's happened. My family have very little idea of what I'm telling you (I've not told them I'm on prozac). I lie to the staff about what's happened. I begin wondering if the staff know from the phone call and are watching me or about to section me, I am looking out for cameras and a security gaurd that keeps wandering past me.

They inject me with something and I'm now wondering if they're lying and it's a sedative as I begin to feel dizzy.

I go to the toilet and hit myself in the face to try and wake myself up.

Get stitched and bandaged.

I go home after thinking about setting fire to the house, leaving, suicide or sectioning myself.

I immediately begin smashing bottles of alcohol with the idea that I don't want her getting drunk anymore. I also try to smash the TV with a shovel, my brother runs and slams the door thinking I'm coming for him. My sister has now phoned the police, who arrive and take me off to custody for 4 hours. There I have to disclose being on prozac and being listed as severely depressed, but they don't follow up on this (as far as this evening goes).

I only have 1 capsule of prozac left, so I'm due to see my doctor this week.

I'm tempted to ask for antipsychotics. My mind is too scrambled to explain or use one clear title. I don't see cartoon aliens running round me, but I also don't feel totally okay. My mood can be bipolar like, but it's not that simple.

I've always liked the fact my mind feels unique in someway or not quite normal. But now I don't know what's happening. I don't know if I'm making up excuses or getting worse. I don't know if this is a regular outburst or if the next one will be me ripping someones face off.

If I start taking the newer generations of antipsychotics, is it going to return me to apathy and, worse, wipe out all the interesting thoughts?

They seem to have some extremely mixed reviews, and I've yet to see anyone saying they had a great time with them. At least prozac, assuming it's not responsible for today, doesn't have any serious negatives.
 
Last edited:
Atomics Asylum

Atomics Asylum

Member
Joined
May 5, 2009
Messages
8
Location
uk
Think it would be a good idea to tel your dr what is going on and ask him for the anti psychotics

:grouphug:

REI
 
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