I need help and answers. My condition is effecting me. I need input

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Warhorse52

New member
Joined
Oct 13, 2018
Messages
2
#1
Where do I begin. I will begin by saying that posting this is a big thing for me to do, given that I tend to be narcissistic. That being said, I will begin.

Last year I saw a psychiatrist because my parents believed me to be depressed and angry. During my sessions, my psychiatrist prescribed me depression meds. The first meds had no effect, so he prescribed different meds, which again had no effect. He prescribed another med that didn’t work again. In our time talking he said it was possible that meds didn’t work for me and talk therapy would be best. In our therapy sessions he had me elaborate on my personal history. So, I will highlight my personal history:

I have had numerous relationships that end badly. Mostly on my end. I tend to be very antisocial and disregard the significant others needs. So, my significant others always broke it off with me, which made me extremely angry. I would make an effort to ruin them for what they did to me and told them I never loved them. I would go out of my way to give them anxiety. I was reported to the school and they had me on watch. My ex’s parents (every relationship I’ve been in) have confronted my parents calling me manipulative and psychotic. I have a repeated history of getting in trouble for stupid stuff like this.

Every time my expectations are not met or if I lose control of a situation, I lose my mind. I hurt myself deliberately a few months ago because the grade I got on a test was not good.

I know that everyone is thinking “You’re a sociopath”, but that’s not true. I do have emotions, they just trigger me with anger.

I tend to be extremely pessimistic and often drink and smoke cigarettes a lot.

After telling my psychiatrist my history he began to see me trying to manipulate our sessions. Before college started this year, my parents stopped making me go to the sessions and he gave my parents a health script to submit to the school for my ADHD accommodations. On this script, along with the ADHD I also saw that I have an “unspecified neurological disorder”. I didn’t feel like figuring out what that meant, so I just let it go.

I have also lost friends because of my anger and I have even ruined a few of their lives, dragging away everyone that was close to him and making them side with me by making him look like the psycho.

I hate myself and have no idea what is wrong with me. I can be normal unless someone does something to me that I don’t like or if I, myself, don’t meet my own expectations, then I lose my f****** mind.

What do you guys think I have or is wrong with me?
 
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MrGWC

Member
Joined
Mar 16, 2012
Messages
12
Location
London
#2
First of all, well done for posting and being so honest. I understanding that it must have been a challenge for you. (y)

I recognize a lot of these behaviors in myself, when I was a teenager. Manipulating others, actively trying to hurt people for the fun of it and being overly sensitive to rejection and criticism. I was diagnosed with BPD, but I would suggest that you talk to someone who is qualified to make a diagnosis.

I'd also suggest looking at some form of CBT as I personally found DBT and mindfulness to be of tremendous help and I am now managing to stay well.

Have you had a look online at the criteria for a personality disorder diagnosis? It might be an idea to have a look and see how you relate to the criteria.

I hope that you manage to find the help that you need and I wish you well.
 
C

Crisyah

Member
Joined
Oct 1, 2018
Messages
6
#3
+1 for CBT and everything else MrGWC has said. Finding someone who will actually diagnose you and try to treat you, rather than just give you depression pills (did you even show any signs of depression?) and then cut off treatment seems to be the best option. Hoping you'll find the help you need, stay strong!
 

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