I need advice on dealing with depression

M

mari30

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Jul 11, 2019
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Austria
It feels a bit strange writing about my life, but reading other threads made me feel a bit less alone, so I decided to give it a try. Maybe even writing it down will make me feel a bit better...

Past couple of years have been tricky for me: moving to another country 2 years ago, studying and working in parallel, a close friend got very ill, broke up a 4-year relationship,... Last year I started having occasional panic attacks. But then, in summer last year, I accidentally run into an old friend, who I loved dearly all these years. It turned out that he got divorced, and in a couple of weeks we were dating. I moved to his city, we were planning future together, and my panic attacks suddenly completely stopped. But after some time I realized that he was not behaving as usual, and soon found out that going through his divorce woke up the feelings he had for his ex-wife. We thought it would pass, but it ended up in us splitting after some 10 months.

Last month of our relationship I had that bitter gut feeling how things are going to end, and between that and the stress from the other sides, I started feeling down. Soon I had problems getting out of bed. When I would reach work I would a couple of times per day go to the restrooms to cry. I was not able to focus on either work or studying. When I would speak to my colleagues or boss, I felt like their words were just going through me, my brain was rejecting to get involved, and sometimes I wouldn't even respond. I took a week of vacation to rest at home, but that didn't help, I spent the week in my room. I couldn't sleep, and had to force myself to eat as I had no appetite. On some days I would spend hours just staring at one point on the wall. I was aware of my condition, but not capable to do anything about it.

The day we broke up I fell apart. Next day, my GP gave me 3 weeks off work and sleeping pills. The pills work, but every morning as I wake up I feel as much desperate as that day. As I moved to his city, most of the people I know here are his friends, and I feel completely alone. I feel like I am letting down my colleagues by being away from work for so long. I feel like I am letting down my family, the people that sacrificed so much to enable me to have a nice life. And I feel I am a burden to anyone I consider talking to. Maybe the worst part is that I feel like my problems are not "real". I know people struggling with "real" illnesses, I know people fighting to get their children through school, I know people fighting every month to make ends meet. So I also feel guilty of being depressed.

In a stranger's eye, I am a young perspective person with a nice life, with a nice apartment in a nice city, a well-paid job, should soon get my degree, everyone who knows me from before depression knows me as the person that always smiles. In reality, I am a wreck of a man, at the moment not even capable to perform everyday tasks, that starts to cry every time someone asks 'how are you'.

I know that I am not the only one with these symptoms, and I was hoping that maybe someone here has some advice on how to start getting over everything, how to make the first step towards having a relatively normal life again, how to stop the tears in the morning and get motivation to get out of the bed...
 
LadyDomino

LadyDomino

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Maybe going back to see the GP - it sounds as if some anti depressants might help, or a referral to a psych doc (though that can take some time). Just because "on paper" we might be the envy of others in our lives, does not mean we can't be breaking down inside.
 
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Pink1234

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Jul 8, 2019
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I second the advice to go back to the Dr.

I care for my wife who has Dementia on top of her long standing Depression and GAD. Just 2 months ago we were both feeling lonely and abandoned. We were in tears almost every day. I was struggling to cope because of sleep deprivation resulting from my wife’s Dementia related nighttime activity.

I went back to our GP to try for help and we got it. The simple fact that we were helped lifted our moods and stopped the tears. Various aspects of the help given are now kicking in and I feel more empowered again.

Seek help as it may bring change for you. Good luck with that.
 
sadpunchingbag

sadpunchingbag

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May 29, 2019
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For me the only thing that worked was going into an impatient care. It has worked wonders for me if you can id consider it because if the depression is so bad you cant do anything consider it dude
 
M

mari30

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Jul 11, 2019
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Austria
Thank you all for your replies, I appreciate it a lot. I do understand now that I need to continuously actively seek help, and in a way I feel it as an achievement that I realized at least that. Due to the summer break, I got a new appointment at my GP's only in 2 weeks, but I will schedule a therapist in the meantime. I hope they will be able to help me, I am getting more and more exhausted by this struggle to get out of the bed, and am at this point terrified of going back to work in this condition...
 
sadpunchingbag

sadpunchingbag

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Thank you all for your replies, I appreciate it a lot. I do understand now that I need to continuously actively seek help, and in a way I feel it as an achievement that I realized at least that. Due to the summer break, I got a new appointment at my GP's only in 2 weeks, but I will schedule a therapist in the meantime. I hope they will be able to help me, I am getting more and more exhausted by this struggle to get out of the bed, and am at this point terrified of going back to work in this condition...
Its good to here you are trying to solve some demons id reccomnend a psychologist over a therapist but thats just me
 

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