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I need a new perspective



New member
Aug 15, 2020
I have been diagnosed with major depression for several years now. In recent years, therapists have dug deeper and claimed there are serious signs of anxiety, social anxiety, codependent relationships with my parents, enmeshment with my mother, and possible childhood trauma (that I cannot name).. and possible PTSD as a result. It is all too much. I just want simple depression.

My simplified and summed up response to 'what's wrong with you' has always been simply 'depression.' It's just always been depression. I am 24 now and my quality of life is deteriorating more and more as time goes on. I am down, then I feel hopeless about the smallest things like cooking dinner, then I am suicidal at the thought of not even being able to successfully make myself a meal. I cry to a God I do not even believe in, begging for my mind to stop and for my life to stop. Then I am okay. I am happy to do my laundry, cook myself dinner, be with my cat. Then it falls again. And I believe deeply that it will always be this way. That I will never be okay for long enough. On my recent bad days, I do not care what happens to me.

Tonight I realized I have no sense of self. I went to create an Instagram. Yes, I know how stupid you must think I am about to sound.. Please keep reading. I was overwhelmingly sad. I was nauseous even. I do not know who I am honestly. I have likes and dislikes, but in all, they are very contradictory. I went to search for people I used to know. I felt fear and anxiety. I cannot fathom creating an online presence and having the freedom to allow it to reflect who I am.. my thoughts, feelings, passions.. I truly do not know who I am. I feel I have been numb for all my life. I did not give in and try to have relationships and friendships growing up. I was terrified. My therapist tells me this has to do with some sort of childhood trauma. I was not myself. I was not myself even with myself. As I type that I then question, who even is 'myself?' I do not know.

Do I have a border personality disorder? Do I have bipolar disorder? Do I have mere depression and just think too much? Am I alone too much and led to think all of these thoughts? Please someone give me some sort of response and help me to see things from a farther perspective. I just need peace.

Deleted member 91323

Hello Elizabeth and welcome to the forum. I am so sorry to hear of your struggles. It is hard not having a sense of self. I struggle with that too. It is good to hear you have a therapist. I think that will help a lot.


Well-known member
Apr 22, 2018
First I would keep the borderline or bipolar "label" for later.

Hard depression causes deterioration of the self. Lack of human contact causes it. You are no more a social person, you are just thoughts, processing good and bad experiences of your day.

Who you are ? Maybe you are not more who you was. You can answer to "who you are" starting now.

I mean, depression mess things up, so to reply "who you are", you dont have a pre determinated answer.

You have to create a New answer. You are a new person now.

Even if therapists are good, if you dont think he/she is all right about what he says about you, try to be confident about your own answers about yourself.

Take a time to think clearly about your situation and who you are. Sit down, look around, and just think in the most simple way.

Good luck.
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