• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

I need a new perspective

E

elizabeth0496

New member
Joined
Aug 15, 2020
Messages
1
Location
Alabama
I have been diagnosed with major depression for several years now. In recent years, therapists have dug deeper and claimed there are serious signs of anxiety, social anxiety, codependent relationships with my parents, enmeshment with my mother, and possible childhood trauma (that I cannot name).. and possible PTSD as a result. It is all too much. I just want simple depression.

My simplified and summed up response to 'what's wrong with you' has always been simply 'depression.' It's just always been depression. I am 24 now and my quality of life is deteriorating more and more as time goes on. I am down, then I feel hopeless about the smallest things like cooking dinner, then I am suicidal at the thought of not even being able to successfully make myself a meal. I cry to a God I do not even believe in, begging for my mind to stop and for my life to stop. Then I am okay. I am happy to do my laundry, cook myself dinner, be with my cat. Then it falls again. And I believe deeply that it will always be this way. That I will never be okay for long enough. On my recent bad days, I do not care what happens to me.

Tonight I realized I have no sense of self. I went to create an Instagram. Yes, I know how stupid you must think I am about to sound.. Please keep reading. I was overwhelmingly sad. I was nauseous even. I do not know who I am honestly. I have likes and dislikes, but in all, they are very contradictory. I went to search for people I used to know. I felt fear and anxiety. I cannot fathom creating an online presence and having the freedom to allow it to reflect who I am.. my thoughts, feelings, passions.. I truly do not know who I am. I feel I have been numb for all my life. I did not give in and try to have relationships and friendships growing up. I was terrified. My therapist tells me this has to do with some sort of childhood trauma. I was not myself. I was not myself even with myself. As I type that I then question, who even is 'myself?' I do not know.

Do I have a border personality disorder? Do I have bipolar disorder? Do I have mere depression and just think too much? Am I alone too much and led to think all of these thoughts? Please someone give me some sort of response and help me to see things from a farther perspective. I just need peace.
 
D

Deleted member 91323

Guest
Hello Elizabeth and welcome to the forum. I am so sorry to hear of your struggles. It is hard not having a sense of self. I struggle with that too. It is good to hear you have a therapist. I think that will help a lot.
 
M

ManDss

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 22, 2018
Messages
1,198
Location
Argentina
First I would keep the borderline or bipolar "label" for later.

Hard depression causes deterioration of the self. Lack of human contact causes it. You are no more a social person, you are just thoughts, processing good and bad experiences of your day.

Who you are ? Maybe you are not more who you was. You can answer to "who you are" starting now.

I mean, depression mess things up, so to reply "who you are", you dont have a pre determinated answer.

You have to create a New answer. You are a new person now.

Even if therapists are good, if you dont think he/she is all right about what he says about you, try to be confident about your own answers about yourself.

Take a time to think clearly about your situation and who you are. Sit down, look around, and just think in the most simple way.

Good luck.
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
Fairy Lucretia i need to come back ,as i am scared x Depression Forum 17
K Just feel like I need to share what’s in my head right now Depression Forum 7
O Need some Help hopefully a Doctor that knows better then most Depression Forum 1
Blooming Do you need a plan your day thread? Depression Forum 2
S In my 70s and Lovesick - Need help Depression Forum 3
anodyne Feeling like I need to change completely Depression Forum 3
W Need to support son with depression Depression Forum 5
I Need to moan Depression Forum 5
S Need some advice about a man with depression (I am depressed too) Depression Forum 12
Y Reaching out to someone in need Depression Forum 3
Catty5 Alone....need someone to talk. Depression Forum 18
KaoticKiss I need help with life!!! Depression Forum 55
J Barely have any friends, need advice from others. Depression Forum 2
A I need help!! Depression Forum 27
W I need your opinion / advices, i'm lost with this "friendship".. Depression Forum 25
F Need opinions, ideas, anything to help. Depression Forum 7
Bezerker I need help and don't know where to post Depression Forum 10
P Need some serious advice Depression Forum 4
B Blue and in need of a guide Depression Forum 3
W I need to unload and don't know how to talk about stuff so this is my shout in to the void Depression Forum 3
kimidare Need to vent or explode, or implode ? Depression Forum 13
Marrex A need to vent Depression Forum 6
R I need someone to talk to if possible. Depression Forum 18
L I Think I Need To Change Meds Depression Forum 7
B Struggling and need to talk Depression Forum 2
A Need Someone to Talk To.... Depression Forum 6
D Deteriorating mental health : I need to get a lot off my chest Depression Forum 25
G Just need a bit of help? Depression Forum 24
J My story is unoriginal but I need to vent pls Depression Forum 6
M Girlfriend has depression and has pushed away. Need advice/support Depression Forum 2
G I need help ‘May be triggering’ Depression Forum 5
J Need some help I'm feeling very depressed the moment and just do not feel good Depression Forum 4
E I just need someone to speak to... I’m really struggling and can’t talk to anyone else Depression Forum 15
W I need help! Depression Forum 5
R i need to get help for the sake of my family... Depression Forum 4
S I need help but I can't get help Depression Forum 20
J Need life help, my story. (sorry) Depression Forum 7
L NEED HELP SOMEONE PLEASE Depression Forum 8
S SSRIs are screwing me up. Need ur experience with wellbutrinh Depression Forum 1
W need help please Depression Forum 6
S In need of some reassurance Depression Forum 1
J I need this off my chest Depression Forum 2
M I need to finally admit i havent fixed it Depression Forum 3
B I need help for my sister Depression Forum 7
M New here, need to talk to someone Depression Forum 9
ineedabettername I’m in need of some serious life advice. 💢 What can I do? Depression Forum 5
A The need for others Depression Forum 6
H I'd Love Some Perspective Depression Forum 2
Blooming Whole-person perspective on depression? Depression Forum 11

Similar threads

Top