I need a big brother so bad.

[Hero]

Hello. I just joined today. I'm a 23-year-old girl who suffers from BPD, OCD, depression and social-anxiety.
I have needed a big brother since I was young in an overwhelming way. Because I couldn't be close to people in real life I sought that online. I got attached to many people who I probably didn't matter much to. After 10 years of searching I still don't have a big brother. I'm still alone and desperate. A big brother is the only kind of relationship that means something to me. I really wish I could find a guy who needs a little sister as much as I need a big brother. All the big brothers I had loved their girlfriends more than me. I hate romantic love so much because of that. I really wish I could stop being alive. Life is extremely painful.

 

[Prince of Cinders]

First, welcome to the forums. I hope you find your stay productive, and feel free to talk to folks and look around.

Second, I suppose I'll bite. I suppose i'm just curious what kind of "big brother" you're looking for? What things qualify for that kind of thing for you? Is it just someone to talk to when you need a shoulder?

Reason for me asking is that I understand the desire to talk to people and connect, and it can be really hard in person sometimes while online is a bit easier.

Let's start with that, I guess? I don't want to run afoul of the admin here or violate rules, and i know it's usually better to post things in public (though there are PM's here). I'm just trying to understand what you're looking for, before offering any other opinion or commentary.

 

[Hero]

First, welcome to the forums. I hope you find your stay productive, and feel free to talk to folks and look around.

Second, I suppose I'll bite. I suppose i'm just curious what kind of "big brother" you're looking for? What things qualify for that kind of thing for you? Is it just someone to talk to when you need a shoulder?

Reason for me asking is that I understand the desire to talk to people and connect, and it can be really hard in person sometimes while online is a bit easier.

Let's start with that, I guess? I don't want to run afoul of the admin here or violate rules, and i know it's usually better to post things in public (though there are PM's here). I'm just trying to understand what you're looking for, before offering any other opinion or commentary.

I never really thought of how to put what I'm looking for into words. I think I'm looking for a close friend. Someone who I enjoy the company of, someone who understands me, someone who is there for me. It's really that simple. Labels matter for me though. Even if my "big brother" is probably just like a close friend to other people, I still find no value in a close friend just because he is not labelled "big brother".
I always wished for my big brother to be in real life and not just on the internet, but sadly I was too shy and isolated and didn't even have any guy friends (or really any friends at all). I have had many bad experiences on the internet and they made me finally understand that it's the worst place to look on, but I think finding someone in real life who will understand me and my disorders enough to be my big brother is something not too far from a miracle, especially at this very moment. It's not impossible, but it could take very very long.

The whole big brother subject is very sensitive for me though, and I usually worry when I talk about it or make a public post because some things mentioned in responses with a good intention could very well end up triggering me, especially if it's related to romance.

 

[Rex Smith]

Well finding friends of that magnitude is quite challenging. It's not impossible but will take time.

Welcome to the forums.

 

[Prince of Cinders]

For starters, I'll try to be mindful of things saying things that could cause you issue, and I apologize if I've done so.

Please be aware that there's no shortage of people sharing personal issues here on the site, and that (as far as my own experience goes), I've not seen anything said out of malice or spite with regards to the problems other folks have.

I'm sorry that you've had struggles finding good people to talk to, in the context of your search. I know full well that at times, finding someone who fits that sort of criteria (or any kind of close friend, if we're being honest) can be tough.

I'd say chat here with people on the forum, and see if it helps. People here are friendly enough and tend to give good opinions.