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I miss happy days

M

Miliana

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 25, 2020
Messages
74
Location
France
Hello,
I got refused at the only job I wanted to work at
I am very disappointed but it's not that bad, I got accepted in a job that I dislike but I got accepted!
I don't think I will be able to hold on
I can't stop thinking about how terrible i am
Every single time I think about something I like I see that one thing mocking me, and I see myself looking terrible and pathetic and ugly.
I wish I could separate myself from my body and enjoy everything and everyone
I have nothing to hold on to anymore since everything hates me
I can't go outside because I am too scared of people, they just pass through me and I see them all look into my eyes with a feeling of hatred..
I have someone that I like, I think, but I won't see them anymore in around 1 month. I think that I am way more invested than them in our friendship, I even consider them as my bestfriend.
It's been 3 years and I don't want to meet new people.
I did everything I dreamed about, I spent marvellous hours daydreaming with the characters I love, I spent some time travelling with my family when they were still talking to me, I won't ever go through things like that. Now it's only suffering, I can't say when was my last good day.
I wish someone could be proud of me, a real person not someone in my head :)
Thank you so much for reading, I think my post don't make a lot of sense since I am only writing every single thought passing in my head, to relax myself for a couple of hours..
 
Signofthetimes

Signofthetimes

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 1, 2021
Messages
5,289
Location
California
"I wish I could separate myself from my body and enjoy everything and everyone
I have nothing to hold on to anymore since everything hates me
I can't go outside because I am too scared of people, they just pass through me and I see them all look into my eyes with a feeling of hatred.."

Hi Miliana, your name is beautiful. Why do you think everyone's eyes are looking at you with a feeling of hatred? I have days when I feel this. I have days when I want to separate from me with a wish of being able to enjoy life. I am sorry you are feeling this way.

Oddly, there are days when I feel sentiment and kind emotions or feelings of others as they look into my eyes. Not sure if either case is correct but just sharing.

Congratulations on your job. It's cool that you express gratitude for it. I am also hoping that you will get the job you wanted most sometime soon in the future. Writing things out helps me too. Hope you are feeling better. 💗
 
2

2Much2Feel

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2021
Messages
1,990
Location
US
Hey, Miliana, unfortunately you make a lot of sense. I'm so sorry. Congrats on the job, that is fantastic and a good building block to something else even if it's not the one you were aiming for. It can lead to better ones, but I know trying to start a new job while feeling this bad is hard, really really hard. Good for you for putting yourself out there and for landing it. But let's try to get you through what's going on now. Can't remember the last time I had fun, either, I think a lot of people will understand what you're going through.

The job could lead to meeting people over time who have similar interests. Some of my best relationships came out of jobs I had that I initially loathed and did not think I'd ever click with anyone, but over time you build relationships with people you never would have guessed you'd have anything in common with. Working can be one of the best ways to lift you out of depression, so it would be great to do this. It gets you out there again and builds up hope for the future. Try if you can to see that it's amazing that you even looked for a job, then landed one, while feeling this down. That's amazing. Try to see that you are being really really hard on yourself and need to pat yourself on the back. I'm so sorry you're feeling so bad.
 
M

ManDss

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 22, 2018
Messages
1,600
Location
Argentina
I also miss happy days. Sometimes I think "why this happened", or "I miss life", this thoughts just pop out, when I feel tired. And think how I used to have good days.

Now I just feel tired, I have pain in all parts of my body, even walk a couple of blocks feels hard.

Dont have friends, so thats a boomer. I dont enjoy days, dont have much to feel joy or have some fun, I just go through the day waiting tlll it ends.

Also I sleep terribly. Never wake up feeling rested, now I just woke up a couple of hours ago, I slept 7 hours, still night, and still feeling wanting to sleep more, but couldnt go back, so I had to go out from bed.

Anyway. Congrats for the new job, hope be fine.
 

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