- Jun 18, 2021
- The Capital of Europe
Well ... this last session with the therapist was pretty productive in a painful way.
I was able to tell a little more about my current fantasies and my childhood.
I never talked to my mother about how I felt as a child, yet she's always been close to me, but I never could.
To be honest I didn't even think I had a problem with it, and still don't.
Athough the psychiatrist respected my reasons, he was a little perplexed about the description I gave of my family being without problems.
I kept saying my family has always been there and I've never lacked love or anything.
He was very interested in what I feel during this urge and to know about my biological father.
What he then asked me to do, was to speak in third person, that is, if I saw myself as another individual, what did I think could have happened, as a child what could have felt or perceived by others, my feelings, ....? feeling like a lunatic.
I must say it felt fu*king weird at start.
But I think it worked, it made things a bit easier for me in a way.
According to him, what happened with my father it could be a trauma, if not the reason for my hatred towards all authority figures, and my frightening other children and my pet, a way of exercising control and take everything that I saw myself being ripped off by the authority figures in my early life, the lack of empathy a defense mechanism, and so on.....
I don't know, it sounds odd to me, I struggle to take it seriously.
He's not done though, as he wants to know more about the relationship with my mother as a child and more.
For now it did help a bit, so I guess he knows best.
Maybe he will be able to give me an answer also regarding my fantasies.
Well done and congratulations! These are the sessions you need to have in order to heal. I hope for you many more will follow. I know they are sometimes excruciating but necessary and under the guidance of this psychiatrist you will get there if you allow yourself to be helped step by step. Be proud of yourself because digging into the something that isn't obvious, isn't very easy!