I might have an eating disorder

[sweetnicotine]

This is my first post so it's a bit anticlimactic. But... It's been bugging me for a while. I'm never "skinny enough" even though I'm underweight. I often wanna throw up after eating and feel guilty. I don't like eating even though I love food. And the worst part is people, even my own family.
"Don't eat so much or you'll be fat" "Eat more you're so skinny" "Don't eat" "Eat"
this is making me so angry. Stop telling me to eat or not eat you're the reason I'm like this. Stop pointing out I'm skinny. I know that already...
I'm scared of eating in front of people. I feel like I'm being watched and judged.
I'm losing weight again and I wanna be even skinnier. I had a breakdown when I was a little heavier than normal and I was still underweight.
I honestly don't know what to do about it. I don't even drink water anymore. And I'm scared to tell anybody about that.

 

[Purpleplum]

Do you tell your family to stop? If not, please do. Don't be afraid to speak up.

If you're not drinking water--or any liquids-- then you're in crisis and need immediate help. Please go to a hospital right away.

 

[sweetnicotine]

If you're not drinking water--or any liquids-- then you're in crisis and need immediate help.

I drink some but not much. Also it's a bit difficult to get help because coronavirus, and hospitals are closed.

 

[Purpleplum]

I drink some but not much. Also it's a bit difficult to get help because coronavirus, and hospitals are closed.

Hospitals are closed???

 

[sweetnicotine]

Hospitals are closed???

yeah, even people with real emergencies have trouble to get there. my country is screwed up, a few weeks ago a few people died because of the hospital restrictions (they needed to test them for corona EVEN THOUGH THEY WERE LITERALLY BLEEDING OUT) it's really twisted.

 

[JessisMe]

Hi there, it does sound like you likely have an eating disorder but formal diagnosis would have to come from your doctor. I would definitely recommend speaking with one on this topic very soon. Treatments can include Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and/or counseling. It is worth it to take the time to get this under control because eating disorders can be deadly. xo, j