H
huntsman
Active member
Hi
I messed up... I SH a lot, when I messed up, (I accidentally offend someone, don't get an expected grade at an exam...). I do it during an anxiety attack, while I'm not thinking straight.
I get suicidal at times during these anxiety attacks, my lifeline was my best friend. Who usually talks to me, lets me vent, and calms me down. She is the most amazing person I know, and has been with me through thick and thin for more than a year now. We were really close.
Today... I got a really bad anxiety attack, got into my SH mentality, contacted her and she tried to calm me down, but it wasn't working, she got angry at me, and I said a bunch of stuff I didn't mean, and I self harmed... and she gave up. She told me, that she doesn't want to do this anymore, and feels like a failure that she couldn't help. That we are still friends but she can't handle being my life line anymore, because its taking a toll on her mental health too.
I don't blame her. I'm not angry at her. There are no hard feelings towards her. She is deserves everything in the world. I just feel sad that I hurt her, and wish that she never became my life line. I feel ashamed that I can't handle it on my own. I feel guilty for dragging her health down with me. I feel regret for ever bothering her with my problems.
I feel like I am the villain in this story... I don't know, you decide.
I messed up... I SH a lot, when I messed up, (I accidentally offend someone, don't get an expected grade at an exam...). I do it during an anxiety attack, while I'm not thinking straight.
I get suicidal at times during these anxiety attacks, my lifeline was my best friend. Who usually talks to me, lets me vent, and calms me down. She is the most amazing person I know, and has been with me through thick and thin for more than a year now. We were really close.
Today... I got a really bad anxiety attack, got into my SH mentality, contacted her and she tried to calm me down, but it wasn't working, she got angry at me, and I said a bunch of stuff I didn't mean, and I self harmed... and she gave up. She told me, that she doesn't want to do this anymore, and feels like a failure that she couldn't help. That we are still friends but she can't handle being my life line anymore, because its taking a toll on her mental health too.
I don't blame her. I'm not angry at her. There are no hard feelings towards her. She is deserves everything in the world. I just feel sad that I hurt her, and wish that she never became my life line. I feel ashamed that I can't handle it on my own. I feel guilty for dragging her health down with me. I feel regret for ever bothering her with my problems.
I feel like I am the villain in this story... I don't know, you decide.