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I love this place!!!

Julzeebub

Julzeebub

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2020
Messages
62
Location
USA
I just have to tell you all that I love this place! It's amazing to me how with an extreme manic phase that's been coming on, how I freaked out on my doctor, had to be put on emergency sedation in order to keep out of the psych ward, utterly being caught up in delusional thinking, dealing with hallucinations, having a panic attack, not sleeping and being totally out of control, I have managed to still be able to give and receive help and insight here with people just like me. I can't express how grateful I feel and how much awe I have for all of you right now!
Thanks!
That is all...😽😽😽
 
calypso

calypso

Well-known member
Admin
Moderator
Joined
Jan 5, 2011
Messages
49,664
Location
Lancashire
Well thank you Julseebub that is a kind post. I am diagnosed bipolar too and know that people went out of their way to support me on my last depression on here. Mania is something I fear as I end up in debt and with lots of embarrassing memories of what I have done. I tend to get the delusions and hallucinations around the depression stages personally.
 
Wandering2

Wandering2

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 26, 2020
Messages
182
Location
Illinois
Love in return! 😽❤ Doctors at times have it coming...almost like its; "Not my problem you just need to chill out, and take this bullshit medication you told me doesn't work for you anymore. Or Ill get a petition with a police esscort to lock you up👮‍♂️, doing the thorazine shuffle 🤤. Because your practically a criminal and you will be treated as such🧐"
 
Wandering2

Wandering2

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Joined
Feb 26, 2020
Messages
182
Location
Illinois
Mania is a relief from depression but for me, also results in embarrassing actions. Which then leads me back to my bedroom praying for death, this can't be real, nobody cares about me, my doctor is writing shit scripts, please God help me, why am I here?, is this Hell?, endless crying, making apologies, getting no responses. Than back to anger and resentment screw everyone I'll do what I want.🤬🎉🤪🥂
 
Julzeebub

Julzeebub

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2020
Messages
62
Location
USA
Thank you! I resonate with all of your comments! I just really feel like it's so important to give gratitude and appreciation. So many people take things for granted. Ya know I've learned that time is such a precious commodity on this Earthly plane. We are here for short a time so time is something we need not squander. When a person is willing to spend some of their time with me for my benefit, it's the most amazing gift to me that is not taken lightly. Yes, having a mental disorder is tough to say the least but the more I live with this over the many years that I have, the more I have come to know how a part of this thing is actually an opportunity to be able to be on such a level of being that most people can't fathom. My manic phases don't bring me relief anymore. I tend to have delusional thinking and hallucinations regardless of which "Polar" I am visiting. Lol. We all have different symptoms in different phases for different periods and different times but only for the same reason. We are all part of a beautiful, mysterious, eclectic and magical mosaic piece of artwork. This is how I see it. Sometimes the process it takes to create a piece of artwork is painful, messy, long and exhausting but also wonderful, mystical, spiritual and just gorgeous! Thank you all for letting me be a part of your journey!
 
Wandering2

Wandering2

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 26, 2020
Messages
182
Location
Illinois
People who wanna spend time with me don't really exist. I truly mean that. 😢 Yeah, I envy the girl who has a stable job, a kid, a car, great husband and have life filled with friends since highschool or college, my life is the complete opposite. It's the selfritious people with that life that make me ill. But yeah no friends here, doesn't matter how nice or seemingly normal or inviting I am. I just can't make friends.
 
Julzeebub

Julzeebub

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2020
Messages
62
Location
USA
People who wanna spend time with me don't really exist. I truly mean that. 😢 Yeah, I envy the girl who has a stable job, a kid, a car, great husband and have life filled with friends since highschool or college, my life is the complete opposite. It's the selfritious people with that life that make me ill. But yeah no friends here, doesn't matter how nice or seemingly normal or inviting I am. I just can't make friends.
Hey I can totally relate to all of that. You're right here spending your time with me though and that's what I meant. Sure it's it cyber space on a forum but it's still your time. In my every day life, I don't really leave my house unless I'm forced to. My cat is my best friend, no joke. I have my boyfriend who I live with but he is gone working 12 hrs a day. My adult sons come over once in a while. I have a neighbor next door that I cook for but we don't really talk. I have a couple old friends that I see rarely. Most of the time, I am alone. All the people I listed above have mental illness too. I don't connect well with normal people and I got no time for self righteousness in anyone! I used to feel so inferior to others who I perceived as having a great life but I realized that most people are full of shit and none of that crap even matters. I, being on the extreme end of mentally ill, have a really hard time being around people. I know it's hard for many of us to make friends especially with normal people because they have no clue wtf we go through. A lot of people think because we are mentally ill that we are retarded, stupid, or contagious. Lol. Anyway, I'm spending time with you here now and that does matter. It counts to me and I'm happy to be here.
 
Wandering2

Wandering2

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Joined
Feb 26, 2020
Messages
182
Location
Illinois
Hey I can totally relate to all of that. You're right here spending your time with me though and that's what I meant. Sure it's it cyber space on a forum but it's still your time. In my every day life, I don't really leave my house unless I'm forced to. My cat is my best friend, no joke. I have my boyfriend who I live with but he is gone working 12 hrs a day. My adult sons come over once in a while. I have a neighbor next door that I cook for but we don't really talk. I have a couple old friends that I see rarely. Most of the time, I am alone. All the people I listed above have mental illness too. I don't connect well with normal people and I got no time for self righteousness in anyone! I used to feel so inferior to others who I perceived as having a great life but I realized that most people are full of shit and none of that crap even matters. I, being on the extreme end of mentally ill, have a really hard time being around people. I know it's hard for many of us to make friends especially with normal people because they have no clue wtf we go through. A lot of people think because we are mentally ill that we are retarded, stupid, or contagious. Lol. Anyway, I'm spending time with you here now and that does matter. It counts to me and I'm happy to be here.
That's really nice Julzeebub, yeah I've been called stupid and retarded before because I'm easily confused and appear slow. I still graduated college with a 3.9. But I must be stupid! Look how weird she is...I normally don't get along with other people with my disorder, but I haven't met too many. My mom is one of them, but complete denial of any mental illness 🙄 she doesn't like me half the time, she is frustrating. She recently pushed and punched me in the chest last time I saw her, when I tried getting her helped into bed. Im forgiving but she won't talk to me. It's always me. But yeah the time I even get to spend with people I know, don't 100% love and appreciate me is meaningful esspecially if they don't block me 😂 but Im not kissing ass of people who I know think they are better than me. That's when you gotta puff up ypur chest and call bullshit 🥂 I prefer the passive aggressive asshole moves with a smile on my face, esspecially if it's the first thing that greets me at the door. Or out right rude comments will make me fly off the handle, I won't tolerate it. Esspecially the people who don't like me for reasons im unsure of or have made judgemental comments about me.
 
Julzeebub

Julzeebub

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2020
Messages
62
Location
USA
That's really nice Julzeebub, yeah I've been called stupid and retarded before because I'm easily confused and appear slow. I still graduated college with a 3.9. But I must be stupid! Look how weird she is...I normally don't get along with other people with my disorder, but I haven't met too many. My mom is one of them, but complete denial of any mental illness 🙄 she doesn't like me half the time, she is frustrating. She recently pushed and punched me in the chest last time I saw her, when I tried getting her helped into bed. Im forgiving but she won't talk to me. It's always me. But yeah the time I even get to spend with people I know, don't 100% love and appreciate me is meaningful esspecially if they don't block me 😂 but Im not kissing ass of people who I know think they are better than me. That's when you gotta puff up ypur chest and call bullshit 🥂 I prefer the passive aggressive asshole moves with a smile on my face, esspecially if it's the first thing that greets me at the door. Or out right rude comments will make me fly off the handle, I won't tolerate it. Esspecially the people who don't like me for reasons im unsure of or have made judgemental comments about me.
Hell yea!!! I think you're freakin amazing! And fuck "those people"!!! My mother, don't get me started.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
2,752
Location
Nashua NH
I agree the forum is great, filled with kind and thoughtful people. I have spent time on other sites where people talked about sex and filth all the time and we’re manipulative and cruel. It’s nice to find this haven where people approach the site with a similar intention as me: to get help, help other people, discuss things of interest learn and have fun. Thank you everyone for all your efforts in making this space the special place that it is. ❤💕
 
Julzeebub

Julzeebub

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2020
Messages
62
Location
USA
I agree the forum is great, filled with kind and thoughtful people. I have spent time on other sites where people talked about sex and filth all the time and we’re manipulative and cruel. It’s nice to find this haven where people approach the site with a similar intention as me: to get help, help other people, discuss things of interest learn and have fun. Thank you everyone for all your efforts in making this space the special place that it is. ❤💕
I was just saying that very thing last night to another member. I've belong to quite a few groups and forums like this one but the energy here is so so so much better! The internet is full of bad shit everywhere! I'm happy to have found this forum. I feel comfortable here. It's not about feeling safe for me as much as it's about being able to connect with good, honest and real people. I hate having to wade through so many full of crap people hoping to get to one good person like I've had to on other sites. It's so exhausting!
 
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