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I lost my mother a girl i was dating and my best friend

C

comicstar100

New member
Joined
Jul 2, 2021
Messages
1
Location
Visalia CA 93292
Back in March this girl asked me out. She used to date my friend a year or so ago. They broke up but we remained friendly. I told my friend she had asked me out and if he didn't want me to go I wouldn't. He told me to do whatever I wanted. My mother was just diagnosed with cancer and her father had died from the same thing a couple years prior. We bonded over that and other things. We started seeing each other. We were meeting up once to twice a week having drinks, dinner, sex. We were texting everyday. Then she told me she was having a custody issue with her ex husband over her daughter and would have her full time. That she didn't want to bring guys around her daughter and didn't know when she would be able to see me. I figured that was it. I asked her out a couple times after she would always say she would love to but couldn't leave her daughter. Then last month she messaged came over late, we hooked up. We started talking on the phone everyday. She was worried because she was having surgery getting a temporary stint put in. That week we were talking she was home in bed. The following week my mother died. We met one last time I was very sad for most of it due to mom's passing. I've barley heard from her since. These last few months my friend has barley spoken to me. Then sent me a message that she messaged him out of the blue hoping he was OK. While she has barley spoken to to me after my mother died. I asked her out one last time and she told me she couldn't go. Essentially I lost a friend of 15 years, I fell in love with this girl who doesn't seem to feel the same and my mother has died. It's all adding to this perfect storm of me feeling so sorry for myself. She is all I think about. I keep writing out these long messages trying to tell her how I feel thinking that will change anything. I never send them because I know it won't. If she liked me she would want to see me. I'm numb over it all. I've lost so much from my life. Im in sales for a living and I'm so depressed my heart isn't in it right now. I took a couple weeks off but have now returned and am miserable. I started seeing a therapist but I keep going in circles. I don't feel any better. I still love her and feel like she doesn't care and now has feelings again for my friend. All I see over and over is my mother lying in a hospital bed dying or this fantasy life with this girl I had envisioned disappearing. I feel like I have this hole in my chest and it's effecting everything at work and home. I've been in therapy a couple months and it isn't helping me. I don't know what else to do.
 
F

Freesong

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 30, 2019
Messages
64
Location
US
@comicstar100 I am sorry for all the losses in your life. That must be a heavy load to bear. There are no easy answers but it is good that you have a therapist.

I joined a grief support group after I died. It really helped to be around other people that were grieving and could understand my pain.

I had to reinvent my life after dad died. I did not realize how much my expectations and hopes for the future were intertwined with my relationship with him. I started in little ways adding exercise and yoga and listening to Youtube videos about how to cope with the loss of a parent.

The most important thing for me was getting out of bed and getting out of the house.

Hope you find the support you are looking for.
 

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