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I lost her

I

itstrue

New member
Joined
Mar 29, 2010
Messages
4
Hello

I`m 27 years old and only had one serious relationship in my life, not because I never had the opportunities, I had more than many of those, but because I always thought having a girlfriend is not worth it just for the sake of having her, unless the girl means something more to you. Well I finally found someone who made my life worth living yet with my behaviour and inexperience I managed to lose her. I`ve been having trouble sleeping and finding a reason to wake up in the mornings since January that we broke up. I tried my best to win her back but nothing worked, until 2 weeks ago that she called me to say that she met someone else, and that they are giving it a shot but it seems that he makes her happy. My friends tell me that it doesn`t matter how much I love her, it will all be better if I am patient, but I don`t think I can do it. My doctor prescriped me Valdoxan (anti-depressant?) and I don`t know if I should be taking it or not. The fact is...I don`t want to get better. What I want is to have her by my side again. What I want is to stop waking up in the middle of the night and seeing half my bed empty without her. I don`t think anyone will ever be able to replace her. She found me lost in my life and was the light to shine the right path for me. She worked hard to earn my trust and tried her best to make me a better person. Without her I can`t concetrate at work or in my studies any more. I seem to be failing everything. How could I let her go...
 
I

itstrue

New member
Joined
Mar 29, 2010
Messages
4
one of these days I feel like I`m just gonna drop from a stroke..
 
Astrid

Astrid

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 24, 2010
Messages
75
Location
USA
Unfortunately it sounds like your ex has moved on. I know it feels like "the end of the world" but it isn't (I am the same age as you and have been through this many times). I know it will be of little comfort but frankly if this was your first "real girlfriend" it probably wouldn't have lasted anyway. The first one always seems like "the one" but statistically speaking (and speaking from experience) that is pretty much never the case. As much as you want her back, sometimes you just have to accept that some relationships just aren't meant to be. If you were going through a hard time and she helped you through it in some ways, then perhaps that is the extent of the role she was meant to play in your life.
Sorry if this is little help, I kind of suck at cheering people up...:redface:
 
G

ginger

Active member
Joined
Mar 16, 2010
Messages
27
Location
burrleigh heads gold coast Australia
Hello

I`m 27 years old and only had one serious relationship in my life, not because I never had the opportunities, I had more than many of those, but because I always thought having a girlfriend is not worth it just for the sake of having her, unless the girl means something more to you. Well I finally found someone who made my life worth living yet with my behaviour and inexperience I managed to lose her. I`ve been having trouble sleeping and finding a reason to wake up in the mornings since January that we broke up. I tried my best to win her back but nothing worked, until 2 weeks ago that she called me to say that she met someone else, and that they are giving it a shot but it seems that he makes her happy. My friends tell me that it doesn`t matter how much I love her, it will all be better if I am patient, but I don`t think I can do it. My doctor prescriped me Valdoxan (anti-depressant?) and I don`t know if I should be taking it or not. The fact is...I don`t want to get better. What I want is to have her by my side again. What I want is to stop waking up in the middle of the night and seeing half my bed empty without her. I don`t think anyone will ever be able to replace her. She found me lost in my life and was the light to shine the right path for me. She worked hard to earn my trust and tried her best to make me a better person. Without her I can`t concetrate at work or in my studies any more. I seem to be failing everything. How could I let her go...
You do not say what type of behavior, It maybe after all this time she can not deal with it anymore, she has realised that life can be better than this and there has to be more in a realation than this,I know Iv'e been there, If you love her so much why did you let it get to this , It's going to take more than a few weeks few months ,IF SHE IS HAPPY. WHAT REASON HAS SHE GOT TO LEAVE THIS OTHER PERSON.Just your words saying you dont want to get better,is Selfish how can your earn trust and respect if you are not prepared to help your self ,Naturally she can see this, things will only get better when you are prepared to help your self . Trust me there is a light at the end of the tunnel go and get it.all the best ginger
 
R

reno340

Active member
Joined
Apr 17, 2010
Messages
31
Location
USA
I too have news that you probably do not want to hear. It is time to let go and focus on loving yourself. I know it is a monumental task. I am only giving you a direction. It is very hard to let go of someone that you still love. very hard.
I do believe that it is much much harder hanging on to someone who does not love you though. People are so afraid that if they let go of the person that they will never get them back. Problem is, you are only hanging onto the pain. She is gone. The pain is telling you that it hurts and when it hurts enough, you will have to let go or just continue to hurt. You are in the first and mostly in the 4th stage of the grieving process (somewhat in denial but mostly the stage of depression) the only stage left is acceptance.

I do like the book "Rebuilding: putting your life back together when a relationship ends" by Dr Bruce Fsher. It is mainly meant for people going through divorce or a longer term relationship. Basicly the same principles will apply.
 
P

ps!y?chic!

Member
Joined
Apr 23, 2010
Messages
9
Hello

I`m 27 years old and only had one serious relationship in my life, not because I never had the opportunities, I had more than many of those, but because I always thought having a girlfriend is not worth it just for the sake of having her, unless the girl means something more to you. Well I finally found someone who made my life worth living yet with my behaviour and inexperience I managed to lose her. I`ve been having trouble sleeping and finding a reason to wake up in the mornings since January that we broke up. I tried my best to win her back but nothing worked, until 2 weeks ago that she called me to say that she met someone else, and that they are giving it a shot but it seems that he makes her happy. My friends tell me that it doesn`t matter how much I love her, it will all be better if I am patient, but I don`t think I can do it. My doctor prescriped me Valdoxan (anti-depressant?) and I don`t know if I should be taking it or not. The fact is...I don`t want to get better. What I want is to have her by my side again. What I want is to stop waking up in the middle of the night and seeing half my bed empty without her. I don`t think anyone will ever be able to replace her. She found me lost in my life and was the light to shine the right path for me. She worked hard to earn my trust and tried her best to make me a better person. Without her I can`t concetrate at work or in my studies any more. I seem to be failing everything. How could I let her go...
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It is true when the mindful thought is ..."I have one" "I lost one" "I let one go" - that it is attaching itself to something transitive. I remember my dad used to get real mad when he went fishing and his mindset was "i lost one".

I know you are not fishing - at some stage of our living experience we clutch or attach to that which offers us comfort from internal bullies at this point in time which is referred to as "now".

I want to offer a practical suggestion. Get yourself the most comfortable pillows and stuff them around you when you go to sleep - wedge yourself in. Let yourself be vulnerable and have the experience; but comfort yourself in the most practical way for "now". You need rest first, because depression is anger without enthusiasm (I have suffered many clinical forms of it)

Having someone to make a reason for our purpose in life is the beginning of understanding that there is more than "looking" for what you want in life through a camera - life is about developing the film.

It takes one to understand one; what are you studying? if it doesn't interest you change course and set new directions!. Life is a journey. I wish you the best!

Oh! I just wanted to add! - the most important relationship you should eva have is with yourself. Everything else is a bonus!!!

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maudikie

Guest
maudikie.

There are other fish in the sea so go fishing.
Take up a hobby whee you will meet others wh o will have similar interests to yourself. That will find you new friends, and h elp to forget the old one.
Just remember the happy times, and be thank fu l that you have had them. Move on my friend.:)
 
W

warriorprincess

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 14, 2010
Messages
1,306
Location
Cool St, Coolville
I really feel for you right now all i can say is you will ultimately find someone even better, or someone better will find you., Just try and take comfort in that. i will never forget my ex from over 4 years ago, and it feels like some things will never cease to hurt ( i think we never got closure) i wrote letters like yours, only to be ignored and finally told to move on by him. So heartless, but maybe that helped me in seeing a downside to him. He can't have been everything to me, or he'd have persevered and we'd have worked. definitely agree with the pillow suggestion. It all sucks, i'm so sorry you are going through this, but there will hopefully be a day soon when you realise how special you are. And you deserve a loving relationship with someone who will be there through thick and thin...
feel free to add me as a friend if you wana talk more
hugs to you x
 
M

mjecson

Guest
It is very difficult find true love in the world but at the same time if you love somebody very deeply and she don't love you then My opinion is you should leave her because you should not waste your love on the person who really don't know the meaning of the love. You can find better then her.
 
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