- Apr 5, 2015
- Valley of dry bones
I kind of want to start going to church again, but every one I look at online I think, "No, not that one." If you are an oldie on here you might know a little about my history with the church and clergy. I just keep wishing there was a Celtic Christian community here. I am aware of the Iona community in Scotland and the Northumbria Community in England, but alas, I live in Canada. I still feel so incredibly broken. I grew up in the Mennonite Brethren church, but I can't stand all the Mennonite pride. For seven years I went to a Christian and Missionary Alliance church, but I feel like I can't go back to all the hoopla of the praise and worship movement that took over that church. I think about going to an Anglican church, but I'm not sure I can, because it was a priest at an Anglican church that turned my life upside down. I just don't know where I belong anymore, and half the time I am thinking about how to end my life. I feel like in a Celtic church I might be able to belong, if I could forget that the priest in question was interested in Celtic spirituality as well. I know all the crap about priests not being God or the church, but they represent God and the church, and the way he betrayed me still hurts so deeply that even contemplating going back to church brings tears to the surface. But I am SO lonely. I have no friends, and as a single 41-year-old I don't know where to meet people. But I am afraid that if I try going to church again all I'm going to do is cry and either turn people off or simply attract a lot of sympathy from well-meaning people who are clueless about mental illness.