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I keep thinking I'm getting way over my head

S

soulblazer

Member
Joined
Jan 6, 2015
Messages
20
Location
Costa Rica
I really this is the right place to post this (didn't know whether it belonged here or at the Social Anxiety one).

My university requires me to do community service, which has to be career-related, in order to graduate; 150 hours.

I didn't know what to do... I figured I could teach to old people at my hometown, but I don't really want to... there's always those impatient people who expect to turn into computer geniuses overnight and blame you when they don't.
And, besides, the only way I could announce my project was to go to Church and say it there... Thing is I stopped going Church, after some people threw some holy water on me to "cure" off my "quirks" (tics), and refused to go back when they ask me to; I was too insulted to ever go back. So 1) I don't want to hear the mass during that hour, because of the holy water incident, 2) I fear some people would feel disgusted at me, for "leaving" them, and then going back just to tell them I'm going to give a computer course, for my diploma, 3) 3 hours a week... 150 hours, I would take me forever to finish (some people that watch over your progress are very picky about the hours).

So, I went to a Facebook group for Developers and Programmers and asked the people there (some of whom are classmates, friends, etc.) if they had heard about some place I could go, and this guy said I seemed very eager to get my Bachelor degree on Software Engineering. He said he had this work team making a webpage for disabled people for free and were looking for people, him and another group member added me as a friend, and contacted me. We kept chatting, they send the info. I was jumping up and down.

Helping old people would be easier, but it would longer... but just by being on helping on this project it could be a good resumé! Now, I just have to contact the university and convince them.

I did, of course, a little background on this project to make sure they weren't trolling me cruelly. Turns out they are the 3rd place winners of our contry's last Startup Weekend, all of them (even of winners of the other places) are student from the collegue TEC (Tecnológico de Costa Rica), which is very, very, very hard to enter, specially for anything related to Math and Computers.
The admission test is brutal, I had my ass kicked during that test, I couldn't enter against all my dreams and went to a private university instead. The newspaper that talked about each them and the winners... they were the guys and were inviting ME! I also called some places to get more confirmation.

TEC is where every computer whiz wants to be, and these guys are one of top students on their career. Of course, I don't want dealing teaching the religious fanatics from my hometown, but I'm afraid to be seem as a complete idiot in front of them after they offered a place in their team, even if I know this is a one-time-in-a-lifetime opportunity! I possibly would never seen such a change to improve my now "zero-experience" resumé than this and would end up with the 150 hours faster than working 3 hours a week, taking me forever to complete them (and wouldn't have to deal with the overbearing holywater-throwing elderly bigots from before at their self-righteous JesusLand), but I'm too afraid to mess it up.

It also scares the fact that the college says no, and I have to go to teach the bigots anyway...
 
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vimes

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Jan 4, 2015
Messages
271
Location
uk
Sorry for being a bit thick, how does this relate to mental health?
 
S

soulblazer

Member
Joined
Jan 6, 2015
Messages
20
Location
Costa Rica
Sorry for being a bit thick, how does this relate to mental health?
Oh, I don't know, the fact I had a panic attack for being unable to stop thinking that the guys who invited me to their project... they all would know more than me, and I would ended up being an useless member, being seen as an idiot, even if I can't miss the chance they are giving me. Also, the fact that worrying so much over this, has giving chest pain and now I can't even sleep over worry between "being useless at the project" or "ending up teaching a bunch of elderly bigots who think every little 'quirk' I have is demon-caused". Perphaps, that's how it relates?
 
V

vimes

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 4, 2015
Messages
271
Location
uk
Oh, I don't know, the fact I had a panic attack for being unable to stop thinking that the guys who invited me to their project... they all would know more than me, and I would ended up being an useless member, being seen as an idiot, even if I can't miss the chance they are giving me. Also, the fact that worrying so much over this, has giving chest pain and now I can't even sleep over worry between "being useless at the project" or "ending up teaching a bunch of elderly bigots who think every little 'quirk' I have is demon-caused". Perphaps, that's how it relates?
Thanks! Now I totally get you, have you seen anyone to get help with anxiety and sleeping?
I have had my share of anxiety and sometimes the meds have helped a lot.
 
S

soulblazer

Member
Joined
Jan 6, 2015
Messages
20
Location
Costa Rica
Thanks! Now I totally get you, have you seen anyone to get help with anxiety and sleeping?
I have had my share of anxiety and sometimes the meds have helped a lot.
Sorry, for sounding snippy before... my chest was hurting too much yesterday. Now I'm fine, worried, but not enough to freak out at the street like before. Problem is I didn't have anxiety and problem sleeping before.
I just had lots of tics and the psychiatrist end up shoving antidepressants down my throath (the pills also worked for tics), but they gave side effects... anxiety, phobias, problem sleeping, ocassional depression.

The side effects have stayed even after they retire the treatments from me. The treatments they gave for tics, messed up my brain. Damn Prozac... :(
 
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