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I just want to walk away

anouska

anouska

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 13, 2013
Messages
859
Location
UK
I've no problem with my own family (partner & kids) it's just that I feel that I need space. Space on my own. Every noise is bothering me and my mind won't stop racing right now.
Things went wrong over Christmas, it's to do with my brother but it's brought back a lot of memories because someone else is getting involved (family) & I'm not able to handle the pressure. I really need some help in some sort of therapy, counselling or something like that. Past childhood issues and help in how I'm supposed to deal with this situation without going into any detail. I've never had even counselling and i've been with services for years.
My minds been racing and i've been hearing voices. I've had to increase my medication to full dose to nip things in the bud before it's too late. I've only just increased them, so I'm hoping things will improve with my mind soon, because it's not fair on my own family otherwise.
I've been sitting in silence over most of christmas, triggered by something that happened on christmas day which was a disaster involving my brother.
I can't deal with my outside family, not now, not for a long time. I just feel so upset, so upset that it's brought back memories (long time family issues from the past). I'm not sleeping, not eating.
I'm unable to handle any noise, it's all really bothering me. When I manage some short space of time, I listen to relaxing music or lie down in silence.
I'm always ok with balancing my med's living my life with my own family and hiding in my bubble, but when things go wrong ( & it's usually to do with my outside family), it hits me like a ton of bricks. They live in drama and I just can't handle it anymore.
I told myself that I must fully concentrate on my own family (partner & kids), & I want to, I love them so much, but my head right now needs silence and I feel like just walking away, walking away from the responsibility because it all feels too much for me right now.
 
anouska

anouska

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 13, 2013
Messages
859
Location
UK
I'm not thinking rationally. My minds racing and again the same thoughts come into my mind. I don't feel very safe here in my home because of the type of home I live in and the thoughts race. I suppose im not panicking right now because that would tip me over the edge.

I know this isn't right, I have kids. But I just can't help these racing thoughts. I need to somehow stay away from looking out, because I don't know what else to do?
 
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Desna

Active member
Joined
Dec 20, 2014
Messages
34
Lie down. Rest your body & mind. Let these feelings pass. They will. You have all the skills that you need to get through this difficult time.

Love & hugs to you.

Desna xxxx
 
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Desna

Active member
Joined
Dec 20, 2014
Messages
34
Are you lying down & resting your body & mind, darling?

I hope so. You are loved and you are not alone.

Rest your tired mind, my love xxx
 
anouska

anouska

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 13, 2013
Messages
859
Location
UK
Lie down. Rest your body & mind. Let these feelings pass. They will. You have all the skills that you need to get through this difficult time.

Love & hugs to you.

Desna xxxx
Thank you Desna. I've just taken an old Diazepam pill that were prescribed to me earlier in the year. I feel I need this medication until my Depakote starts to fully work and able to rest my mind. I think I may book an appointment to see the GP on Monday (if Im feeling well enough to actually go) to be prescribed more, because I only have a few left, as I'm unsure when the Depakote will work. I need sleep right now and I think this is going to help me.
Thanks Desna x
 
anouska

anouska

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 13, 2013
Messages
859
Location
UK
Are you lying down & resting your body & mind, darling?

I hope so. You are loved and you are not alone.

Rest your tired mind, my love xxx
Thanks my dear, your words are comforting. I'm going to lie down now and rest. Thank you xx
 
D

Desna

Active member
Joined
Dec 20, 2014
Messages
34
Thank you Desna. I've just taken an old Diazepam pill that were prescribed to me earlier in the year. I feel I need this medication until my Depakote starts to fully work and able to rest my mind. I think I may book an appointment to see the GP on Monday (if Im feeling well enough to actually go) to be prescribed more, because I only have a few left, as I'm unsure when the Depakote will work. I need sleep right now and I think this is going to help me.
Thanks Desna x
You see, you have so many skills, Anouska. You are a very brave woman.

You take what you need to take to get you through this time. Make sure you get to your GP. Your health is precious. Value it by seeking help from your GP and getting the help that you need.

I hope that your sleep is peaceful. I will check in on you later to see how you are doing.

Get to your GP on Monday, lovely. It will help.

Night night, Anouska.

Speak soon,

Desna xxx
 
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Desna

Active member
Joined
Dec 20, 2014
Messages
34
Thanks my dear, your words are comforting. I'm going to lie down now and rest. Thank you xx
Rest well, my love. You are in my thoughts. You are not alone.

Night night, lovely xxx
 
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Desna

Active member
Joined
Dec 20, 2014
Messages
34
Ask your GP about counselling when you see them on Monday. I think that it will be a great help and burden off your shoulders to talk freely about your concerns.

It sounds like you have a lovely nest and close family of your own. Limit or stop contact with family members that cause you distress to be with them. This is perfectly ok to maintain your health & well being and that of your partner and children. Deal with this on Monday.

But for now, clear your mind & rest. xxx
 
anouska

anouska

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 13, 2013
Messages
859
Location
UK
Thanks Desna. I managed to sleep for quite a few hours and my mind feels less turbulent. My daughters up and shes quite a hand full, even though shes 12yrs old she always craves attention. My son's in his room, he's a very quiet boy.
My partner's currently entertaining my daughter whilst I selfishly wear ear defenders and spend quiet time alone in my bedroom. Even the smallest sound bothers me and I need to be surrounded by calm peaceful people. I don't know anyone, other than my partner.
My partner's taking the day off work tomorrow to help me. I'm unable to deal with the responsibilities at home. I still feel like just walking away for awhile, but how would that leave my family. They'd be very hurt, I can't do that. I just need to try my hardest to get through, I need time. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.
 
R

Rose19602

Guest
That all sounds very sensible Anouska.
I'm so sorry that this chain of events over Christmas stressed you out to this degree.

I find, as Desna is saying, that if you can manage to nip the feelings in the bud by doing exactly what you feel you need to do.....protecting yourself, cutting yourself off from additional stress and responsibility, resting and taking something like Diazepam temporarily to bring you down.... can really help and stop things from escalating.

I'm pleased your husband is going to help tomorrow. That sounds ideal....kids can be full on and just too much sometimes....you need a buffer.

You are doing all the right things. Please keep doing what your instincts tell you to do and let's hope you can come down from this successfully.

take care
x
 
D

Desna

Active member
Joined
Dec 20, 2014
Messages
34
Thanks Desna. I managed to sleep for quite a few hours and my mind feels less turbulent. My daughters up and shes quite a hand full, even though shes 12yrs old she always craves attention. My son's in his room, he's a very quiet boy.
My partner's currently entertaining my daughter whilst I selfishly wear ear defenders and spend quiet time alone in my bedroom. Even the smallest sound bothers me and I need to be surrounded by calm peaceful people. I don't know anyone, other than my partner.
My partner's taking the day off work tomorrow to help me. I'm unable to deal with the responsibilities at home. I still feel like just walking away for awhile, but how would that leave my family. They'd be very hurt, I can't do that. I just need to try my hardest to get through, I need time. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.
I'm so glad that you managed to get some rest, Anouska. It can make a huge difference to how we feel and our ability to cope and see things a bit more clearly.

Your partner sounds very supportive. It isn't selfish to take a break when you need to. Please don't feel bad about this. It sounds like you have support and can work with your husband to make progress in how you are feeling. I hope that seeing your GP brings you relief and a way forward. I hope that tomorrow is a much better day for you. Take good care of yourself :hug:xxx
 
anouska

anouska

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 13, 2013
Messages
859
Location
UK
That all sounds very sensible Anouska.
I'm so sorry that this chain of events over Christmas stressed you out to this degree.

I find, as Desna is saying, that if you can manage to nip the feelings in the bud by doing exactly what you feel you need to do.....protecting yourself, cutting yourself off from additional stress and responsibility, resting and taking something like Diazepam temporarily to bring you down.... can really help and stop things from escalating.

I'm pleased your husband is going to help tomorrow. That sounds ideal....kids can be full on and just too much sometimes....you need a buffer.

You are doing all the right things. Please keep doing what your instincts tell you to do and let's hope you can come down from this successfully.

take care
x
Thanks so much MissKitty. Yes over the years I've been in and out of hospital and from that I've learnt more each time and I spoke to my dad this evening and he even said that I've made a lot of progress and have become stronger. Stronger every time this illness hits me.
I'm going to do the sensible thing by going to the GP to see me through until the Depakote starts to work or I may even have to stay on Diazepam for a little while because of the anxiety. I will take whatever that works,
I don't want to end up in hospital again, I don't want to let my kids down. x
 
R

Rose19602

Guest
You won't let your kids down Anouska because you're a good Mum who acknowledges what she needs in times of crisis and asks for help from a supportive family.

You're doing all the right things....even the most wonderful Mums need a break when they're unwell.

Keep strong.
x
 
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