• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

I just want to have friends...

R

Rocknroll540

Member
Joined
Sep 13, 2020
Messages
12
Location
USA
The title may be a little misleading. I do have a significant other, who I live with. But I just feel so isolated. I'm 23, have always struggled to relate to others. I was the weird kid eating lunch by himself in school. I got into playing music, hoping to be accepted. But all that did was isolate me further. I guess I didn't realize no one my age has any interest in the guitar anymore... but I fell in love with the instrument and spent countless hours shut off from everyone, just playing guitar alone. I've never met anyone who understands my interests. I didn't have friends when I was younger, and because of my work environment, I can't really make friends with my coworkers or even talk to them during the day. I just feel so isolated. My significant other understands me, but we frequently work opposing schedules anyway.

And don't take it personally, but I am not interested in making friends with people online. It just doesn't feel worth the effort to me. I just want genuine human connections, in real life.
 
jajingna

jajingna

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 31, 2020
Messages
4,782
Location
Canada
I was the weird kid eating lunch by himself in school.
Can relate. I never even went to the cafeteria to eat with others in middle or high school, too crowded and noisy, used to freak me out. Don't believe I did that even once, like sat down with everybody to eat and chat. Family was never an eat together bunch either.
 
G

Glorious Sunrise

New member
Joined
Feb 13, 2021
Messages
2
Location
Midwest
Rocknroll540,

Hello. I can relate to your situation because I watch my son every day experience the same loneliness and isolation you feel. He went all the way through high school without making one friend and that remains to this day. My heart aches for him and for you.

It sounds like you have musical talent. That is a special gift you were created with. Are there other interests you have, reading, writing, etc? What do you think of the idea finding a interest group to join? Maybe musicians or guitar players to connect with? I believe playing guitar is certainly still an "in" thing. Maybe even joining a praise team at a church? Is there a place you attend?

Let me know if you have any thoughts on these ideas. I look forward to hearing back. In the meantime prayers for peace and guidance on this journey in life. God bless.
 
C

calnag31

New member
Joined
Feb 21, 2021
Messages
1
Location
Anaheim, CA
Thanks for posting this, RockandRoll. I love your “name”, since I’m originally from the city that houses the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame...good, old Cleveland, Ohio. Having said this, I can appreciate feeling lonely or like an underdog. consider the Browns in football all these years! 😉

We have moved a good bit since my youth. That is always a challenge then to make friends. You’ve gotten some great ideas from the previous posters. For me, I try to find a church to connect to which has small group fellowship. My current church has this via Zoom with a few groups meeting in person. I don’t know your age or such, but people at work who were not Christians, both young and old, connected this way and started to make friends. They specifically like Christian churches with a Lutheran, Anglican, “non-denominational”, or Baptist connection. Check out some websites.

Beyond this, I shared the bones of your story with my son who is in band at his school this year. He was finding it hard to be in the band class next year given his course schedule. He had simply thought he would be in the jazz band which meets before or after school. Instead, your story helped inspire him to take one of his classes in a unique way which might allow him to be in band. My son is a friendly guy who doesn’t want anyone to be friendless. He thought maybe there were some kids in band at his school who might feel the way you did. Thank you!

i just prayed for you and hope to see you post again. Peace, RockandRoll!
 
O

oncebitten

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 19, 2021
Messages
75
Location
Florida
Welcome I think you will find what you need here you just need an open mind :) Good Luck
 
Moonlight_Day

Moonlight_Day

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 15, 2021
Messages
1,371
Location
Canada
And don't take it personally, but I am not interested in making friends with people online. It just doesn't feel worth the effort to me. I just want genuine human connections, in real life.
If you have music talent it shouldn't be hard to make some friends. Go to some gigs and mingle, put an add in the paper guitar player looking for guys to jam with. There must be local music forums or even Facebook.. who doesn't love to jam or get together with other musicians?
 
hicks

hicks

Well-known member
Joined
May 14, 2019
Messages
2,725
Location
A galaxy, far far away..
Music is the perfect medium to connect with other people. Whatever you play, there's the possibility of forming a group. And that can lead to connections, with the right people. Don't be afraid to move on if it doesn't work out or you don't meet the right people, but I think you have a great chance of connecting with others through your music.
 
Empish

Empish

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 7, 2021
Messages
150
Location
Uk
The title may be a little misleading. I do have a significant other, who I live with. But I just feel so isolated. I'm 23, have always struggled to relate to others. I was the weird kid eating lunch by himself in school. I got into playing music, hoping to be accepted. But all that did was isolate me further. I guess I didn't realize no one my age has any interest in the guitar anymore... but I fell in love with the instrument and spent countless hours shut off from everyone, just playing guitar alone. I've never met anyone who understands my interests. I didn't have friends when I was younger, and because of my work environment, I can't really make friends with my coworkers or even talk to them during the day. I just feel so isolated. My significant other understands me, but we frequently work opposing schedules anyway.

And don't take it personally, but I am not interested in making friends with people online. It just doesn't feel worth the effort to me. I just want genuine human connections, in real life.
You need to get involved with a wider range of people so you can meet people on a similar wavelength to you. Maybe try volunteering or joining a evening class. If nothing else it will take you out of your comfort zone and improve your confidence. Doing things that scare you (within reason) increases your tolerance to new situations. It's all about taking little steps to achieve a bigger goal.
 
K

karl7

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 9, 2013
Messages
925
i have no friends but i do attend a mental health club where i meet like minded people......mental health clubs are places mentally ill folk can go to participate in art, creative writing, health management or group therapy to name but a few activiites or else you can just drop in for a coffee.....there is no pressure......i think these places are invaluable......i dont feel as isolated anymore......ask your mental health team or doctor about them....or else just google.....to become a member you need to have some kinda mental illness....social anxiety would qualify but if not justr say you haev depression as well
 
jajingna

jajingna

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 31, 2020
Messages
4,782
Location
Canada
mental health club
I'd consider going to that sometimes if there was one in this town. I did once attend "day group" for a while at the hospital like 25 years ago when I wasn't well.
 
C

cathanifrind174

Well-known member
Joined
May 5, 2021
Messages
51
Location
Paris, France
It is good you are seeking real relationships because for the all good it may do, people you meet online are not what will make you feel loved and accepted in a community. I had no friends growing up and no one wanted to be friends with me. I had the chance to move away from my family and it was here, far away from my home, that I managed to make my first set of acquitances. But I have huge social anxiety and so I was never confident about speaking to people.

I still find it really scary to talk to people. But I did take the scary initiative of talking to strangers today and it worked out really well. They were really nice. I am not suggesting to start talking to strangers on the street but sometimes we really need to go beyond our comfort zone and meet people who are different from us. Who knows? Maybe the other person is also lonely. Most of my friends now were all lonely and what brought us together was our social anxiety. So you see, you never know. I know it's easier said than done. But try it and you will be very happy you tried.
 

Similar threads

Top