I just want to go home.

[mariluna]

Not that I think that would actually solve anything... but sometimes its all I can think about. I'm american. i've been living in the UK for about 5 years. no offense to all the brits on here, but i just hate it here. it's not you - it's me! lol said the dumper to the dumpee... but it's true.. I've been here for 5 years and made not one friend. that's mostly my fault, i know.... the depression makes me hard to connect with people. I find it very hard to care about things.... or even to pretend to care. My husband (the reason i moved here - he's a brit) doesn't believe in depression. He thinks it's a question of mind over matter and that i should just "snap out of it". He thinks medication and therapy are "an american [email protected]". He's not intentionally unsupportive - he just is completely disconnected from his feelings, and expects everyone to be the same. And the thing is - as far as he knows, i am the same. i learned a long time ago not to expect him to understand feelings, so i just don't even try to discuss things. We have other issues, of course -fertility issues (i'm infertile - which is fine with him, but not with me) - and the care and discipline of my teenage son from a previous marriage. All of these things - they're piled on top of me, with no solutions in sight.

and back to my first sentence - i just want to go home. i was depressed back in new york, but at least i had my family around me, as screwed up as they all are. here it's just me. my son is growing up and hardly needs me any more, my husband is all wrapped up in his own head, but at least he has his friends. but i'm all alone. five years of being alone is too much. it's just too much. but... i'm stuck. we have a house. a life. no money. theres no way i can afford to just drop everything and leave. and of course my son has finally settled in here. it would be insane and selfish to uproot him again.

so what do i do? what are my options? are there any solutions? i'm really open to suggestions. if i dont figure something out soon, i'm definitely going to go to pieces, and i don't think that i'll be able to put myself back to gether this time.

 

[antipsionic]

I don't know what to say Mariluna, before I suffered mental health problems I used to be like your husband and believed it was all a question of willpower and if people just pulled themselves together they could sort themselves out.

I can relate to your experience of having very few friends and being isolated, I keep away from everyone I used to be close to because of their tendency toward drug abuse and the fact that that street drugs contribute to me feeling unwell and aren't really a good thing for society in general.

My only real friend has Asperger's syndrome and lacks the social skills to relate to other peoples feelings, though hes great for a chat with about nerdy stuff like computers or ancient history.

Anyway to this board, I've only been here a week and I'm a little stoked on wine at the moment, but people here are very understanding and don't really judge.

 

[*Sapphire*]

Hi mariluna

My first step would be to get some counselling. If your husband isn't prepared to discuss your feelings with you and your relationship then in my opinion you really do need to talk to someone else about it. He doesn't need to know, and if you want to tell him then I would put it on the line how desperate you feel, that you need to talk to someone and as he is dismissive of your feelings you will talk to someone who will listen and may help you put some perspective on things.

If he really wants you to stay then I am sure he would rather you do that than leave the country.

If he doesn't want you to stay then what right does he have to dictate to you what you can and can not do, and I would go to counselling anyway. Talking options through with someone as well as your feelings of isolation, and perhaps coming up with some practical solutions, might help you to answer your own question.

Take care
Sapphire

 

[trombone_babe]

I agree with Sapphire, if your husband wants you to stay then he can't really dictate to you about your own health. Have a chat with your GP about things and he might either give you some medication to help (you don't HAVE to tell your husband about it) or some counselling.

I hope you can find some help. We're here if you need a chat.