M
mariluna
New member
- Joined
- Nov 7, 2009
- Messages
- 2
Not that I think that would actually solve anything... but sometimes its all I can think about. I'm american. i've been living in the UK for about 5 years. no offense to all the brits on here, but i just hate it here. it's not you - it's me! lol said the dumper to the dumpee... but it's true.. I've been here for 5 years and made not one friend. that's mostly my fault, i know.... the depression makes me hard to connect with people. I find it very hard to care about things.... or even to pretend to care. My husband (the reason i moved here - he's a brit) doesn't believe in depression. He thinks it's a question of mind over matter and that i should just "snap out of it". He thinks medication and therapy are "an american [email protected]". He's not intentionally unsupportive - he just is completely disconnected from his feelings, and expects everyone to be the same. And the thing is - as far as he knows, i am the same. i learned a long time ago not to expect him to understand feelings, so i just don't even try to discuss things. We have other issues, of course -fertility issues (i'm infertile - which is fine with him, but not with me) - and the care and discipline of my teenage son from a previous marriage. All of these things - they're piled on top of me, with no solutions in sight.
and back to my first sentence - i just want to go home. i was depressed back in new york, but at least i had my family around me, as screwed up as they all are. here it's just me. my son is growing up and hardly needs me any more, my husband is all wrapped up in his own head, but at least he has his friends. but i'm all alone. five years of being alone is too much. it's just too much. but... i'm stuck. we have a house. a life. no money. theres no way i can afford to just drop everything and leave. and of course my son has finally settled in here. it would be insane and selfish to uproot him again.
so what do i do? what are my options? are there any solutions? i'm really open to suggestions. if i dont figure something out soon, i'm definitely going to go to pieces, and i don't think that i'll be able to put myself back to gether this time.
and back to my first sentence - i just want to go home. i was depressed back in new york, but at least i had my family around me, as screwed up as they all are. here it's just me. my son is growing up and hardly needs me any more, my husband is all wrapped up in his own head, but at least he has his friends. but i'm all alone. five years of being alone is too much. it's just too much. but... i'm stuck. we have a house. a life. no money. theres no way i can afford to just drop everything and leave. and of course my son has finally settled in here. it would be insane and selfish to uproot him again.
so what do i do? what are my options? are there any solutions? i'm really open to suggestions. if i dont figure something out soon, i'm definitely going to go to pieces, and i don't think that i'll be able to put myself back to gether this time.