I just remembered about travelling..

[abertha]

I can't do it. It has been months (possibly over a year) since I have had to travel anywhere alone. (no job, boyfriend in the same course at uni as me, not knowing where anything is in a new country so being accompanied everywhere) and thinking about going to a language course (re thread below) brings back memories of what im like when travelling alone.

I can drive somewhere no problem - its when it comes to walking or any kind of public transport. 3 years ago when I had my last job, my ex boyfriend would come into the city where I worked, just to meet me, because I was so afraid to do it alone that I often stayed in work hours after it had closed.

What does this mean? Does anyone else have it?

 

[saffron]

Helo Abertha

what do you mean? do you fear that you will get lost?

S

 

[abertha]

No, I just hate being alone outside my house. Well and inside my house too, but that's another story. Sorry if my post didn't explain well

 

[saffron]

hi
do you have agroaphobia?

S

 

[abertha]

I don't think so. I never have a problem with this when I am with friends.

I can't put my finger on what it is that freaks me out when im out alone, I just know I dont want to be there so much that it makes it impossible for me to go anywhere without being terrified.

 

[Dollit]

Is it being alone that frightens you and if so what is it about being alone that scares you.

Or is it being outside and has anything happened to you outside that has scared you.

What do you think will happen if you go somewhere alone?

 

[abertha]

Yes being alone scares me. I am not good at co-ordinating things, like getting trains and buses, I hate asking for the ticket, I hate being around people I dont know.

Bad things often have happened to me when I am alone, as there is no one there to protect me and im afraid I am not very successful in protecting myself.

How could I get over this? I have been told to just do it, and the more I do it the less scared I will be, but it doesnt work, I just get more and more scared and miserable every time I go out.

 

[saffron]

could you write down all the different scenarios that come into your mind that you think could happen when you are out alone?

sometimes something you list can trigger a feeling of apprehension. you can then build on that.

sometimes just fear of the unknown can be enough for you to avoid doing something, you mentioned you worry aout other countries, this is unknown territory to you so would anguish you.

but there are strategies to help with this.

being prepared is the key, plan your every move from when you leave home to when you arrive, plan every train and every time, what ticket you need, what will you do when you arrive,
if youi are going out to somewherer you do not know or abroad, research everything you can about that area, the culture and to some points the language, you do not have to speak fluent but the basic words will help, though most countries speak english now.
going to self defense classes will help also, this will also improve you assertiveness and confidence.

have you seen anyone for this?

S

 

[abertha]

Ive thought about it for years and cant come up with a valid reason why I dont want to be alone. I dont think I exist well without someone else beside me.

I have not seen anyone about it, I saw a therapist when I was 14 for PTS from abuse, this was not really an issue then as I was only a child and never went anywhere alone anyway.

Unfortunately I am not in a position to see a therapist now, because of being in another country. Its so hard, I am alone all day and I dont know what to do if I cant go anywhere.

 

[saffron]

oh I see
sometimes though in later life you can still be affected by something that happened in your childhood, maybe something triggered this, probably the cause of the anxiety you are experiencing now. if that makes sense. sometimes it is hard to find an answer, and other times it will just click.

as I mentioned before preparation is key.

learn all you can on the place you live, you can google it, also you can go online and learn the language, at least you will understand your surroundings more and not feel so isolated, you can also plan your day bit by bit, this will give yoiu more confidence in knowing you are not walking into the unknown and start small, just plan for a visit to the local shop, uy something come home, it will give you something to focus on as well.

S