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I just need to write it all out

J

JT24

New member
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
1
Location
London
Hi

I just really needed to write this somewhere and let it all out.

I'm feeling so fucking bad right now. My dad was an awful person to me and my mum. He treated us so badly and eventually my mum decided to leave him. She tried to keep him in my life but he abandoned me, age 6. I wasn't too upset about it though coz he was always so awful to me. I have so many shitty memories of him.

Recently his side of the family got in touch with me. I'm 24 now and never heard a word from him. He's blocked me on everything so I can't talk to him. People are saying I should take him to court to get him to pay the child support he owes. He could owe up to like 60k really. I could really do so much with that money too. But it just seems pointless to do that. I want to punish him for what he did by taking him to court, but I don't know if that would even make me feel better. I have siblings by him that don't even know I exist. He's kept me a secret. Like I'm some sort of mistake. The only way to get him to even acknowledge me would be taking him to court. But I feel like I'll just hurt myself by doing that. I can't see anything good coming out of it.

I hate him for what he did. My mum had to get 3 jobs just to keep us off the streets when he left. When my mum got sick I had to live with whoever would have me. I felt so alone. I started self harming at 8 years old. I was bullied coz kids knew I had no parents around to stop it. I can't even put into words the anger I feel. Surely he deserves some punishment. How can I just let him get away with doing that. He treated me and my mum so badly and then left us with debts and never said a word to me again.

And every day I have to get up and go to work and smile and pretend I don't feel full of rage and sadness. What the fuck am I even supposed to do with these feelings.

I had a therapist. She emailed me and told me her mum was sick so she would have to cancel our next session and that she would be in touch. Then she just stopped responding. I feel scared that I did something wrong. I feel abandoned. I know I need a therapist but what if they leave too?

I just feel so angry and alone with it all
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
3,993
Location
Nowhere
hi JT24 :welcome:

I never heard of anyone being able to sue their dad
because he didnt pay child support in the past
maybe you can I dont know

he might be ill and I doubt you would get anywhere with him
maybe his other family members will be nice for you

I hope you find it helpful here

:grouphug:✨
 
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