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I just need to get this off my chest before i do something bad

O

ohbuddyboo26

New member
Joined
Jun 6, 2021
Messages
1
Location
US
Hi, I’m not very sure of what I want to say or do. It might just be a ramble but, I have the strongest urges to self harm. Everyday it seems to be more and more. I feel too young to be feeling sad all the time over things that everyone tells me is annoying or dumb. I get told to just get over it or that i’m being a crybaby. I’m aware that my problems might not be so significant or “world ending” type but it hurts to not have someone or somewhere to go. I don’t have a safe space anymore, my house used to be but not anymore. Sometimes i feel like a caged puppy being in my house, but then i can’t just freely leave when it gets especially hard. I no longer have the freedom to help myself calm down when it especially gets bad. I used to go for a drive and jsut listen tk music until i felt better and the urges have gone. I cant do that anymore. I cant talk to the people I used to go to. I had a s/o and we were together for over 2 years. The moment i tried to explain how i felt and how i had been feeling so sad and lonely, they broke it off with me? I don’t see how that would have ever made anything any better but certainly did not. I met someone new in that time but I quickly just got hit with even more sad feelings. As i slowly fell for this person and truly loved being around then and their happy bubbly free energy they tell me that i’m not enough for them to have a relationship? yet we still see eachother regularly becoming this stupid FWB thing that I don’t even want. Yeah it’s fun but so were the random drives through the city singing songs to eachother. I feel as though everyone is just slowly leaving and it hurts. I don’t even try to clean my room anymore, I used to be so organized and kept everything in its place and clean. I don’t have the desire to be doing the things that I used tk love doing. I used to paint a lot and now when i even try i just sit there for hours staring at a blank canvas cause i have nothing to think of, nothing to paint. it hurts to have lost all of that, the small things that used to make me feel good and happy. Now when i’m feel hurt and sad i want to just pick something up and hurt myself to actually cry about something. to give myself a reason to be sad since so many people have just told me my problems are stupid and insignificant so why do i even try to resolve or fix them if no one else thinks it’s a problem. i don’t have anyone to go to. it feels lonely.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
8,309
Location
Nashua NH
Hi ohbuddy, welcome to the forums. I’m so sorry that you have been struggling lately. It sounds like you are depressed. Have you talked with a doctor about this possibility? I can understand your frustration with your current relationship and your inability to enjoy your normal creative outlet, painting. You can get past this. With help from others you can decide what to do about the unsatisfying relationship you are involved in and work towards getting your inspiration back to painting again, possibly with help from meds. I don’t want you to feel lonely or like you have no one to talk to. You should always feel encouraged and welcome to come here and talk to us. xo, j
 
LunaBloodmist

LunaBloodmist

Well-known member
Joined
May 28, 2021
Messages
109
Location
United States
Please don't listen to people that treat you that way. They don't understand and don't know how to react. As for the breaking up, I am sorry to hear that, but be glad to be a rid of a person that could care less when you confide in them. For some people it is too much, and that is their issue, not yours. I felt the compulsion to harm a lot growing up and still have as an adult. I know what you mean. But in the end it will not help you. What you feel is completely valid, and unfortunately, it's a part of being human. We have to embrace it in order to heal. I am so sorry you feel so down, but please don't give up. There will always be a way, even if you can't find the answers now. Focus on just breathing, ground yourself, focus on something, anything. Do you have pets? My cats always seem to know when I'm not right. And I completely get the lack of interest in things you used to love. Don't give up. I used to play video games all the time, and now I struggle to find something to hold my attention. Just take it one day at a time, practice being in the present. Don't let anyone else tell you how to feel. You will find support, just keep trying. There are people in this world that care about your well being. Do what matters to you and makes you happy, even if it's just for a little while. I've just now started picking up the pieces and cleaning this mess of a room. But don't overwhelm yourself. Even if you only do one thing a day, it's still a win. Hang in there, and please don't be afraid to reach out. 🙂
 

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