- Jun 6, 2021
Hi, I’m not very sure of what I want to say or do. It might just be a ramble but, I have the strongest urges to self harm. Everyday it seems to be more and more. I feel too young to be feeling sad all the time over things that everyone tells me is annoying or dumb. I get told to just get over it or that i’m being a crybaby. I’m aware that my problems might not be so significant or “world ending” type but it hurts to not have someone or somewhere to go. I don’t have a safe space anymore, my house used to be but not anymore. Sometimes i feel like a caged puppy being in my house, but then i can’t just freely leave when it gets especially hard. I no longer have the freedom to help myself calm down when it especially gets bad. I used to go for a drive and jsut listen tk music until i felt better and the urges have gone. I cant do that anymore. I cant talk to the people I used to go to. I had a s/o and we were together for over 2 years. The moment i tried to explain how i felt and how i had been feeling so sad and lonely, they broke it off with me? I don’t see how that would have ever made anything any better but certainly did not. I met someone new in that time but I quickly just got hit with even more sad feelings. As i slowly fell for this person and truly loved being around then and their happy bubbly free energy they tell me that i’m not enough for them to have a relationship? yet we still see eachother regularly becoming this stupid FWB thing that I don’t even want. Yeah it’s fun but so were the random drives through the city singing songs to eachother. I feel as though everyone is just slowly leaving and it hurts. I don’t even try to clean my room anymore, I used to be so organized and kept everything in its place and clean. I don’t have the desire to be doing the things that I used tk love doing. I used to paint a lot and now when i even try i just sit there for hours staring at a blank canvas cause i have nothing to think of, nothing to paint. it hurts to have lost all of that, the small things that used to make me feel good and happy. Now when i’m feel hurt and sad i want to just pick something up and hurt myself to actually cry about something. to give myself a reason to be sad since so many people have just told me my problems are stupid and insignificant so why do i even try to resolve or fix them if no one else thinks it’s a problem. i don’t have anyone to go to. it feels lonely.