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i just need someone to talk to. i don't want to live anymore

Lunar Lady

Lunar Lady

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 19, 2019
Messages
5,193
Location
UK
Narcissistic parents are professionals at making us feel at fault. Should we dare to have a moment of strength to stand up for ourselves, they'll catalogue every bad or embarrassing thing we have ever done . It's like looking in a warped, fairground mirror - they distort your past..re-write it completely to make themselves the hero or the injured party...attribute all their own ugly emotions to you...vividly recall your one emotional outburst whilst they conveniently delete their hundreds of rages and vicious attacks...they'll badmouth you to every family member and isolate you...the list goes on and on.

And d'you know what? We always feel guilty. We always doubt ourselves...because they have conditioned us to.

And we always go back and make amends...because we have craved love and approval from this person for our entire lives and we never stop seeking it.

I wish I could wave a magic wand and change her for you - but I can't. What I CAN do is give you a true reflection of yourself. You are not weak or stupid or spiteful or promiscuous or evil or useless or an embarrassment or a trouble maker or a disappointment or a loser...or any of the other things she tells you.

You are an intelligent woman with a warm heart and a beautiful soul.

The reality is she is probably jealous of you.

We can support you here - and you will meet lots of lovely people who can help restore your faith in yourself and your belief that this is temporary. You can count on me and you're welcome to PM any time.

I know this is of little comfort right now - but believe me when I tell you that these experiences will make you such a strong and competent adult...and your past becomes valuable as a tool to help other people.

First step - please...find some counselling for yourself. You need that support.

HUGE hug and lots and lots of love to you. xxx
PS: I recommend this book as a starting point - it's very helpful. x

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hellocoldworld22

Member
Joined
Jan 14, 2020
Messages
16
Location
cincinnati,ohio
Narcissistic parents are professionals at making us feel at fault. Should we dare to have a moment of strength to stand up for ourselves, they'll catalogue every bad or embarrassing thing we have ever done . It's like looking in a warped, fairground mirror - they distort your past..re-write it completely to make themselves the hero or the injured party...attribute all their own ugly emotions to you...vividly recall your one emotional outburst whilst they conveniently delete their hundreds of rages and vicious attacks...they'll badmouth you to every family member and isolate you...the list goes on and on.

And d'you know what? We always feel guilty. We always doubt ourselves...because they have conditioned us to.

And we always go back and make amends...because we have craved love and approval from this person for our entire lives and we never stop seeking it.

I wish I could wave a magic wand and change her for you - but I can't. What I CAN do is give you a true reflection of yourself. You are not weak or stupid or spiteful or promiscuous or evil or useless or an embarrassment or a trouble maker or a disappointment or a loser...or any of the other things she tells you.

You are an intelligent woman with a warm heart and a beautiful soul.

The reality is she is probably jealous of you.

We can support you here - and you will meet lots of lovely people who can help restore your faith in yourself and your belief that this is temporary. You can count on me and you're welcome to PM any time.

I know this is of little comfort right now - but believe me when I tell you that these experiences will make you such a strong and competent adult...and your past becomes valuable as a tool to help other people.

First step - please...find some counselling for yourself. You need that support.

HUGE hug and lots and lots of love to you. xxx
wow you are so right. you 100% described my mother. that is exactly what she has done my whole entire life and I am always the one apologizing when she is the one that hurt me. she doesn't ever apologize. and even though it is hard to believe that because of how I see myself you are right. and I will try to remind myself that I am none of those things. and thank you for saying those kind words I appreciate it. and I do believe you are right. I do believe she is jealous of me. she has never been supportive of me at all. thank you for the support. it is nice to know I have friends here that I can talk to. wish I could hug all of you. *hugs* I hope all this makes me strong because I don't feel strong right now. I hope one day I can help people the way you guys have helped me. and I promise I will get therapy. I do need it. HUGE hug back to you and lots of love back
 
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hellocoldworld22

Member
Joined
Jan 14, 2020
Messages
16
Location
cincinnati,ohio
@hellocoldworld22 at some point you have to leave and live your own life. I understand taking care of your father, but as you said he passed away. It is so sweet of you to take care of others, but I must remind you that you are the most important person in the world.
you are right I need to leave. I want my own life. I want to be happy. and again you are right I need to put myself first. I don't know why I have stuck around for so long to be honest
 
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hellocoldworld22

Member
Joined
Jan 14, 2020
Messages
16
Location
cincinnati,ohio
thank you all for being so kind to me. I really appreciate it so much I want to cry because you guys don't have to care about me but you do. it means so much to me. I have no friends and basically no family other than my aunt. I am sorry for unloading all my problems on you guys it just gets so lonely I cant suffer alone. I have been crying this whole time and cant stop. thank you for making me feel less alone
 
Lunar Lady

Lunar Lady

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 19, 2019
Messages
5,193
Location
UK
wow you are so right. you 100% described my mother. that is exactly what she has done my whole entire life and I am always the one apologizing when she is the one that hurt me. she doesn't ever apologize. and even though it is hard to believe that because of how I see myself you are right. and I will try to remind myself that I am none of those things. and thank you for saying those kind words I appreciate it. and I do believe you are right. I do believe she is jealous of me. she has never been supportive of me at all. thank you for the support. it is nice to know I have friends here that I can talk to. wish I could hug all of you. *hugs* I hope all this makes me strong because I don't feel strong right now. I hope one day I can help people the way you guys have helped me. and I promise I will get therapy. I do need it. HUGE hug back to you and lots of love back

Get the book if you can. The greatest comfort to me was being given a mould of personality that fitted my mother when I had always believed that nobody would understand or relate to me if I tried to describe her. And they can be charmers too - my mother could appear demure and saintly to the outside world and all my repressed anger and lack of confidence made me look like an off-the-rails ragamuffin. :D The book made me realise I wasn't alone - there are millions of us that were parented this way and are still trying to undo the hurt and damage as adults. Once you have the tools to deal with her and identify her mind games, you'll break free. xxx
 
Lunar Lady

Lunar Lady

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 19, 2019
Messages
5,193
Location
UK
thank you all for being so kind to me. I really appreciate it so much I want to cry because you guys don't have to care about me but you do. it means so much to me. I have no friends and basically no family other than my aunt. I am sorry for unloading all my problems on you guys it just gets so lonely I cant suffer alone. I have been crying this whole time and cant stop. thank you for making me feel less alone
You can make a circle of friends here. We have the 'Chill Out Lounge' which is threads of light-hearted banter and somewhere to strike up a conversation. I'm always on the music thread playing favourites and chatting.

Pollpop and I have both invited you to send us private messages if you want a chat or a listening ear. She's lovely and has been through all this misery too - lots of us have.

Coming on this forum was a very important step forward because you have support now. It makes such a difference. x
 
H

hellocoldworld22

Member
Joined
Jan 14, 2020
Messages
16
Location
cincinnati,ohio
Get the book if you can. The greatest comfort to me was being given a mould of personality that fitted my mother when I had always believed that nobody would understand or relate to me if I tried to describe her. And they can be charmers too - my mother could appear demure and saintly to the outside world and all my repressed anger and lack of confidence made me look like an off-the-rails ragamuffin. :D The book made me realise I wasn't alone - there are millions of us that were parented this way and are still trying to undo the hurt and damage as adults. Once you have the tools to deal with her and identify her mind games, you'll break free. xxx
I will definitely get it if I can. I definitely relate to you my mother is so good at that also appearing to be a saint to strangers..she acts like a completely different person. then screaming at me when no one is around it is like two different people. it is so weird. I am glad to know i am not alone in all this but sad that there are so many people like my mother out there 😩 I want to learn how to deal with her so I can break free. I want to be free.
 
Lunar Lady

Lunar Lady

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 19, 2019
Messages
5,193
Location
UK
Here's a link to another thread where we were sharing stories of toxic parents - you might find some of it has a resonance with you :hug:

 
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hellocoldworld22

Member
Joined
Jan 14, 2020
Messages
16
Location
cincinnati,ohio
You can make a circle of friends here. We have the 'Chill Out Lounge' which is threads of light-hearted banter and somewhere to strike up a conversation. I'm always on the music thread playing favourites and chatting.

Pollpop and I have both invited you to send us private messages if you want a chat or a listening ear. She's lovely and has been through all this misery too - lots of us have.

Coming on this forum was a very important step forward because you have support now. It makes such a difference. x
I will have to check out the chill out lounge it sounds great! I love music so the music thread would be good too. thank you both for inviting me to message you if I need to talk. *hugs* she does seem like a lovely person. I am so grateful to have found a place with lots of support and people I can relate to.❤
 
H

hellocoldworld22

Member
Joined
Jan 14, 2020
Messages
16
Location
cincinnati,ohio
Here's a link to another thread where we were sharing stories of toxic parents - you might find some of it has a resonance with you :hug:

[/QUOTE
Here's a link to another thread where we were sharing stories of toxic parents - you might find some of it has a resonance with you :hug:

I will read it thank you for sharing it with me
 
P

Pollypop

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 23, 2015
Messages
1,151
Location
England. Derbyshire
Hellocoldworld22,
how are you feeling today.?
You definitely sounded as if you are not feeling so alone.
I hope we can continue to support you.

I hope you realise you are also supporting many of us by giving
us the chance to offload as well. 👩‍👩‍👧‍👦
 
H

hellocoldworld22

Member
Joined
Jan 14, 2020
Messages
16
Location
cincinnati,ohio
Hellocoldworld22,
how are you feeling today.?
You definitely sounded as if you are not feeling so alone.
I hope we can continue to support you.

I hope you realise you are also supporting many of us by giving
us the chance to offload as well. 👩‍👩‍👧‍👦
hello! I am feeling a little bit better. I definitely feel less alone now that I have found a great community of supportive people. thank you for all the support it means the world to me. I am also happy to be of any support to you guys as well. the only thing is I am dreading having to deal with my mother today when I get up because I know she will try to keep a fight going with me. guess I will have to try to ignore her. 😩
 
P

Pollypop

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 23, 2015
Messages
1,151
Location
England. Derbyshire
Yes, I know what you mean.
I dreaded the mornings, not knowing what would happen.
I used to feel literally sick just waiting.
If I was up first I didnt know what was to follow.
If my mum was up first I didn’t know what I would be
coming down to.

I‘m glad you are feeling a little better.
This forum has helped me so much in so many different
ways.
 
H

hellocoldworld22

Member
Joined
Jan 14, 2020
Messages
16
Location
cincinnati,ohio
Yes, I know what you mean.
I dreaded the mornings, not knowing what would happen.
I used to feel literally sick just waiting.
If I was up first I didnt know what was to follow.
If my mum was up first I didn’t know what I would be
coming down to.

I‘m glad you are feeling a little better.
This forum has helped me so much in so many different
ways.
yes that is exactly how I feel. dreading the mornings. dreading the unknown. I feel sick also. it is a horrible feeling and one that I wish I didn't have to feel. or you or anyone else for that matter. you never know what you are going to expect. she didn't start anything but she still has a bad attitude and didn't apologize at all. which isn't a surprise. she is never sorry for anything she says to me so why would she be sorry that she violently attacked me? she of course in her head justifies it and thinks she was right for doing that to me. like I deserved it. when I did not deserve it. it is just so wrong. she has always been like that though. never sorry for anything horrible she does or says to me. I just want to get away from her and move on with my life. and yes I am feeling better being in this caring community now. I believe this forum will help me also. thank you so much for listening to me.
 
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