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I just need someone to speak to... I’m really struggling and can’t talk to anyone else

E

Edene33

New member
Joined
Dec 31, 2020
Messages
1
Location
Glasgow
I’m currently pregnant with twins and I’ve now had my second panick attack last night because of my husband stressing me out and making me feel so low. He just doesn’t seem to understand the way he comes across and doesn’t care about my feelings. I don’t know how much more I can take.

We basically had an argument because he turned round to me in bed last night and said his best friend was coming over today to walk our dogs as he was passing by. Now bearing in mind that I haven’t seen my best friend since the summer and in this time her dad has died and I’ve become pregnant, I’m desperate to see her and she’s desperate to see me. So I said to him as long as he follows social distancing as they were only going to go outside for a walk that’s absolutely fine. I then asked him why don’t I ask my best friend if she can come over soon for a walk with me so that I can at least see her. His reply was “no I wouldn’t advise that as I’ve seen text messages that you’ve sent each other saying you will give each other a big hug when you see each other again” I told him with the current situation obviously I wouldn’t do that and with being pregnant that would just be silly. He didn’t listen and just kept saying I wouldn’t advise meeting her until after the birth or even maybe in the summer! Oh but it’s okay for him to see his friend whenever he wants while I sit and struggle for months on end not seeing my friend? I don’t know if I’m being silly and overthinking things but to me that doesn’t seem very fair. At the end of the argument he said that’s fine I will text my friend and cancel him coming over tomorrow because your freaking out. I haven’t told him to cancel anything, all I asked was that I would like to see my friend too but he turned it round as if I’m being the bad one.

Also ontop of this I’m struggling at the fact of not only when I’m going to see my best friend next but when I’m next going to see my mum. (I’m an only child and never met my dad so me and my mum are extremely close) I seen her at Xmas and before that it was in the summer because of COVID. My husband seen his parents too. We are planning on moving into a bigger house next week and his parents were going to come down to help us move things and build some nursery furniture in the new house. However my mum keeps asking me if she can come and help us too, I asked my husband and he said he doesn’t want her coming because he doesn’t want to risk spreading the virus. I understand this but he doesn’t seem to understand that it’s ok for him being able to see his parents again so soon and I’ve to sit here while already missing my friend and worry when I’m next going to see my mum. He actually said I will be lucky to see my mum before I give birth in the middle of March because of the virus. I just can’t bear the thought of that and he doesn’t care as long as he is alright and sees his family and friends

The previous argument a few weeks ago that caused me another panic attack was along similar grounds where I felt he was telling me what I could and couldn’t do and I’m now starting to feel depressed and genuinely miserable.

Sorry about the long message but I’ve been struggling for so long and didn’t know who else I could talk to
 
Bipolarbear808

Bipolarbear808

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 15, 2020
Messages
219
Location
USA
Hi Edene,

It sounds like you're going through a very tuff time right now and I'm sorry that you have to go through this. I can understand how Covid can stress relationships during these trying times and I can't imagine what it must be like for you right now. I definitely think you should be able to see your parents if he's able to see his. I don't think its fair to have a double standard just because you're pregnant. It really sounds like getting some fresh air with your friend could do you a lot of good right now. We all need some outlet to destress right now and being cooped up in the house will drive anyone crazy.

Also Welcome to the forum, I hope you're able to find the support you need here!
 
Zackthemaniac

Zackthemaniac

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 16, 2019
Messages
1,524
Location
North Carolina
Sorry things are so rough right now and I know your pregnancy hormones arent doing you any favors. I think it does seem that your husband is giving himself and you two different sets of rules, but I also think he is doing it out of love and keeping you safe and not doing it to cause you stress.

I'd try to tell him that you need to be able to see your friend and family and that you will do it in safe a manner as possible. Its not fair for him to not allow you to do so while he sees his. As long as nobody is covid positive and you're reasonably safe their should be no issues.
 
Barny67

Barny67

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 25, 2020
Messages
308
Location
Middlesbrough
Hi Edene, He’s Controlling you.
Sorry I sound so brutal. I hope you’re staying safe, twins must be beautiful experience.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
6,395
Location
Nashua NH
See your friends. See your mother. He can’t tell you what you can or cannot do.
 
P

Purpleplum

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 7, 2020
Messages
1,744
Location
nowhere
Your hormones aren't making things easy along with everything else that goes along with pregnancy. It seems like he's just being protective, HOWEVER, he should put off meeting his friend since not being able to see your friends --or your parents--is very sensitive to you.
 
Tawny

Tawny

Taking a break
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
5,928
Location
England
It really should, sorry, MUST be a joint decision. My friend is pregnant and her mum walks by most days and sits on the brick wall outside the house, she talks to her from the front door.

You need to make your own decisions. You love your twins just as much as he loves them, so will not be foolish and put the four of you at risk. It is an insult that anyone would suggest you would forget and go in for a hug.
 
Barny67

Barny67

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 25, 2020
Messages
308
Location
Middlesbrough
I’m sorry but he’s not a man, if he’s dictating you now, it will be gradually get worse. Having twins will not change shit in his life.
So sorry if I’m a bit aggressive.
Seen it so many times. Tc
 
Wildflower112

Wildflower112

Member
Joined
Jan 1, 2021
Messages
18
Location
UK
1st Congratulations on being pregnant with twins :)

Would any of the following help?

Communication is not working effectively so let's see if we can make that work better without creating increased tension or another argument. Some things to consider...
  1. Choose your moment very carefully when you are both as relaxed as you can be...(there might not be one but you get the idea)
  2. Some things to say...
  3. I really need to speak to you and l need you to just listen and let me finish without interrupting me!
  4. I really, really need to see my friend/mother right now it is really important to me and I'm sure it will make me feel better ...
  5. I'm not shutting you out, l just need to meet up with my friend/mum for a little while...
  6. I promise l will stay socially distanced at all times and will protect our twins
In parallel make a cup of tea (ideally when you partner is out) and call your friend/mum for an hour long chat each! Do that today.
 
Wildflower112

Wildflower112

Member
Joined
Jan 1, 2021
Messages
18
Location
UK
Kate Bush - THIS WOMAN'S WORK
 
Wildflower112

Wildflower112

Member
Joined
Jan 1, 2021
Messages
18
Location
UK
How are things going for you now ?
 
A

always thirsty

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 12, 2020
Messages
122
Location
colorado
holy shit! f that noise! at the very least have your mom come over, if shes sick she will know it. trust me, i'm sure i'm much younger than her and i caught it back in march. i definitely knew i had it. if she's feeling fine let her come over. if you are truly scared just have her get a test first. i get the fear. i let myself go there for a while but you got to get a hold of yourself and look at this realistically.

much love coming your way from my way. stay up!
 
A

always thirsty

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 12, 2020
Messages
122
Location
colorado
ps: work it out with your husband. i broke up with my kids mom and years later we get along so well even though i'm not ideal. work through it. don't buy that shit that people don't change. having a kid (kids) changes people more than ANYTHING. men get responsible. they definitely change.

i wa suicidal on and off from my teens until about 30 when i had my kid. i havent had a suicidal thought since then. proof that we change. kids become our priority.
 
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