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I just finished my final exams. And everything is still the same

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Nancourt

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May 26, 2018
Messages
172
I am angry and I don't like people anymore. I'm filled with hate and depression and everything negative under the sun.


I hate and resent life. I can't wait to die. I keep hoping every single minute that I'll die of cancer

Why can't I just kill myself. Why is it that I can't? It would make everything so much easier.

Some people want to live. I don't. I resent being born. I resent having to know my parents I resent everything truly everything and I know have a deep hatred of everything.


It's. Incredible the effect that a break up can have on your life. Like I'm truly impressed
 
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Purpleplum

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Feb 7, 2020
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558
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It sounds likes you're feeling this way due to a breakup. Breakups can make people feel rejected, abandoned, lost and alone. It gets better though you just have to get through it. It's an awful thing to go through because we've put out feelings out and it made us vulnerable.
 
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Nancourt

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May 26, 2018
Messages
172
Do you know what made you feel like this?
My life made me feel like this. I resent being alive it's not my choice to live I can't kill myself, I lack the will to do it. And I don't want to live so Im fucked basically because why not right?
 
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Nancourt

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May 26, 2018
Messages
172
It sounds likes you're feeling this way due to a breakup. Breakups can make people feel rejected, abandoned, lost and alone. It gets better though you just have to get through it. It's an awful thing to go through because we've put out feelings out and it made us vulnerable.
The break up was a year and a half ago. So it's not temporary or whatever bullshit ppl have said. Life is shit life is nothing but shit. It's disgusting it's crap. When you examine your life you realise you're completely alone and s fuck up. And no one asked for it. No one asked to be born or to have shitty parents or to have depression anxiety and bpd.
But here I am with all those things and yet the universe won't just end my fucking life. Since I was twelve I've wanted to die. Either someone to murder me or like a freak accident that takes my life and ends it. Sometimes I think back on when I fucked up the relationship and I just start saying I hope I get cancer I hope I get cancer. And I mean it
 
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Nancourt

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May 26, 2018
Messages
172
There's nothing good here there's nothing good in me or around me. Life is shit people are cruel judgemental and destructive.

I beg and beg for it to be over but instead I'm haunted of memories of her and what could have been if I wasn't a fuck up or if I didn't get bpd - a nice little present from my parents . Because 25 yrs of misery from them wasn't enough
 
TKDKid

TKDKid

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Jun 12, 2020
Messages
12
Location
Dorset
I know what it’s like to feel like life is just pointless. It feels like the world is just full of shit sometimes. I just try and take each day as it comes and try and distract. Try and do things you enjoy for a bit that will take your mind off it until you feel a bit more positive? I’m sorry your feeling so bad.
 
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Nancourt

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May 26, 2018
Messages
172
I'm never going to get over the girl. its never going to happen. it's been a year and a half. even imagining being with someone else now, i can't imagine anything close to what i felt. I can't be alive any longer. i can't.
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

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I'm sorry you're feeling so low, I hope things improve for you soon. There's never just one person in the world for us, it can be hard to find them but I'm sure there's someone out there that can fill the void you're feeling with an abundance of love.

It may help to have a look at these two pages on the forum: Suicidal Crisis and Mental Health Forum - Getting Help about what to do if you're feeling suicidal, or if you need emergency help. I hope you can use the forum for support during this difficult time.

In the United Kingdom you can call the Samaritans on 116 123 (available 24 hours a day). You can also email the Samaritans if you prefer at [email protected]

Take care.
 
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bpd2020

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May 25, 2020
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885
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England
Nancourt, I can feel your pain. Having bpd is such a cruel condition and it really makes us suffer. Have you ever had any therapy? Therapy really does help to make sense of how we feel and how we can handle things. I know you have been hurt when you opened up to people but it just proves they are not the right people. It takes time to find people who can understand us and our pain. Keep posting on here so we can support you.
 
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Nancourt

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May 26, 2018
Messages
172
Nancourt, I can feel your pain. Having bpd is such a cruel condition and it really makes us suffer. Have you ever had any therapy? Therapy really does help to make sense of how we feel and how we can handle things. I know you have been hurt when you opened up to people but it just proves they are not the right people. It takes time to find people who can understand us and our pain. Keep posting on here so we can support you.
i am miserable.
i am properly miserable and in pain. i want it to be over, i deserve for it to be over. i need for it to be over. the only time ive ever been happy was when i w as with her
 
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bpd2020

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May 25, 2020
Messages
885
Location
England
I think it is really positive that you had a time you actually felt happy. That shows you have the capacity to feel happiness. This is really good news. Your relationship ending has hurt you so much and you are still mourning it but it does not mean you will not find happiness with somebody else in the future. Things look so bleak now so you cannot see a way forward but things can change.
 
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Nancourt

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May 26, 2018
Messages
172
i am incredibly miserable and im not interested in drugs to numb the pain, because they dont do anything.

ive b
 
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bpd2020

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May 25, 2020
Messages
885
Location
England
Not everybody wants to take medication. How about therapy? It will give you the chance to talk about all you are going through.
 
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Nancourt

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May 26, 2018
Messages
172
i go to therapy once a week. once again it didnt help been going since the break up
 
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