hi to you both i was in the exactly same situation ongoing from a few months ago and all i could think about was really hoping night time would come quickly so i could go to sleep again and i prayed that i would not wake up. i am feeling much better now just from getting on the right med, for me it was duloxetine 60mg, which i take before bed. for me it took a couple of weeks to get working, but now after taking it for 3 weeks i am feeling much better and not plagued by suicidal thoughts or negative thinking. im not saying i am fully better yet, but feel like i am on the road to recovery after just 3 weeks. if you are not on the right med or your med is not working, go and see your doctor and dont suffer on your own. do seek help, they are there to help you and waiting ok
For what it's worth, sorry you're hating life so much. I've been in the same boat before, and will likely be again if the past is any indication.
Something I've found that helped me was to start writing what I call a "long form suicide note". It sounds macabre, I know. But it has helped immensely to get all of my thoughts expressed, if only to myself. And the act of writing keeps me busy and somewhat distracted during the worst times. Maybe it would help you too.
I used to take Duloxetine, but stopped a few months ago (after consultation with my doctor). If you are taking it or considering it, please be aware that there are some serious withdrawal side affects. My mood was *very* unstable for weeks afterwards and three months on, I still get "brain zaps". It may still be a good option for you (I'm no doctor), but you should just be aware of the risks.
Good luck to you, and if you need someone to talk to, feel free to send me a message.
Hi Aequitas, just to expand on the reason i started on duloxetine, in the past i had tried the main ssri antidepressants such as citalopram, escitalopram, sertraline, but had too much daytime tiredness or other troublesome side effects.
i was aware that some people experience discontinuation issues with the snri antidepressants such as venlafaxine and duloxetine, but speaking for myself personally, i was literally at such a bad and dangerous stage (very severe depression, suicidal, plagued by negative thoughts) that i really had to get on a new med and duloxetine has turned out to be a good choice for me so far. it has also allowed me to make some changed in my life, related to diet and exercise. this is something i could not do when i was crippled with mental health issues.
i don't have plans on stopping taking it ever, because after suffering long term with repeated bouts of depression and anxiety, it is clear that i need to STAY on meds now. if i experience problems with duloxetine further down the line, i will switch to something else (rather than just quit meds altogether).
I have experienced discontinuation effects/brain zaps in the past from stopping meds abruptly, but personally here i will switch to another med rather than just stop and not take anything at all. Often a switch to another med can be enough to reduce or stop brain zaps, as opposed to coming off meds completely. I believe there are certain meds available to ease brain zaps for those who do want to stop a med and not start a new one, as well as other things to reduce the brain zaps such as certain diet changes and/or very slow tapering off of the med in question.
Aequitas: have you stopped meds completely now or switched to something else? how are you?
I didn't mean to come across as saying one should never take it. There are obvious benefits. I too tried a number of others before duloxetine, and provided I took it as directed, it worked better than any of the others. I just wish I had done more research before hand, as I might have kept trying others before taking it as a last resort. If there was another option that worked not quite as well but lacked the withdrawal (or at least its intensity), I would probably take that option. But, hindsight is 20/20.
I had been taking 120mg at one point, and tapered off the dosage to 30mg over about 9 months with little difficulty. I have never liked the idea of being beholden to a pill (I've lost people to drugs before, not the same ones, but still), so as my depression was still doing ok after the reduction, I decided to get off it. I knew there would be *some* withdrawal, as I had experienced when simply missing a day before. I figured withdrawal would last a week at most, since the drug seems to go through your system pretty quick (which is why you experience withdrawal after only a day). I didn't realize it would last several weeks, with affects still being felt months later.
Anyway, I'm off meds now for a few months. And, barring those few weeks when I was a complete train wreck, and the odd abnormally blue day, I'm ok for now. I know the precipice is never far away, but I can keep my distance from it for the most part.