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I just can't deal with my mum anymore

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mrscjh12

Member
Joined
Oct 20, 2009
Messages
5
I hope someone can help me and relate to how I am feeling.

My mother has had a severe mental illness for many years. Nothing has helped and the professionals are stuck to what to do next. She has been in hospital for over a month and she is now in such a terrible state. She is very disturbed, and some of the things I have witnessed and lived with all my life, has mentally damaged me. I get awful flashbacks and visions of mum. Even as a child i can remember terrible things. I am at a stage in life, where I am a mother myself, married, and I am currerntly 6 months pregnant. I just can't do this anymore. I can't bear the thought of even seeing her again as it makes me so ill. I get panic attacks if i see her or hear her crying on the phone. I feel so bad, she hasn't got anyone else, no family etc...but what can I do?? Its gonna make me ill. I need to protect myself and my unborn baby. I couldn't visit her in hospital as its too disturbing. Why the hell is this my life?? it hurts so much.

Has anyone else expereinced this and not being able to cope anymore with relatives or freinds??
 
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Apotheosis

Guest
I do feel for you. But my experience is from the other side - I can't cope any more after 20 years of MH difficulties - where most people don't care, & they don't understand. Where I am left with the only main response as medication; & there is no proper social or psychological help.

I suppose that these things are hard for the people going through them, & those close to them.

I don't have anything to suggest - apart from to state the obvious that life is very hard, & relationships are hard; whoever they are with, & we live in a society that treats the mentally ill like lepers, & that we live under an abysmal MH system. But to remember that she is your mum; & she didn't ask to suffer with severe mental difficulties.
 
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mrscjh12

Member
Joined
Oct 20, 2009
Messages
5
You've made me cry but not in a bad way, I am sorry to hear you also suffer so much from MH. I know shes my mum, thats why is so hard to deal with seeing someone u love in so much torment. It kills me. Theres not a lot that can be done for her anymore, like u say its the way it is....mental health just isn't that understood. Shes stuck in hospital, what next? She can't mix in society? What will happen to my mum??
 
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mad as a hatter

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 23, 2008
Messages
2,167
Location
scotland
it is a sad reality off what havin a mental health problem can do 2 u u don,t really c what it does 2 ur family it must be so hard for u and ur baby but at the end off the day and this is just my view u have got 2 look after ur self and ur baby it,s as simple as that i,m not saying walk way maybe just have a break for a while and that,ll be hard sometimes i wish my family would do that cause off the stress on them when i,m i hospital i can,t say ne more than that
 
KP1

KP1

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Apr 4, 2008
Messages
1,500
I do understand where you are coming from I have a sister that I have experienced the same things with.
You must put yourself first difficult as this may seem now it will seem easier when your baby is born and you need to protect him/her.
Kp
 
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penelope

Guest
While your mum is in hospital then just keep away and get some strength back in yourself. I too have MH problems but it doesnt mean I want anyone around me to suffer because of it.
You have to care for yourself and the baby and by trying to be yourself is what you need.
Don't feel guilty as it is hard coping with pregnancy at the best of times.
You obviously care or you would not be talking about this.

Be easy on yourself x
 
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mrscjh12

Member
Joined
Oct 20, 2009
Messages
5
Thanks guys, I spoke to mum on the phone today, feel so bad just not contacting her at all, shes in a bad way and hospital have said nothing more they can do. So in a few days she may go back home. Its so upsetting. I'm trying to protect myself as much as poss, but I am a caring person and can't distance myself too much.
 
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mad as a hatter

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 23, 2008
Messages
2,167
Location
scotland
why can,t the hospital do ne more for her surely she,s got 2 get some support they can,t send her home like that hasn,t she got a cpn or ne thing
 
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penelope

Guest
When she gets discharged it will be the CMHT that get involved for after care. Try and get the numbers from the hospital concerning emergency numbers etc for you to contact people if you have concerns.

Good luck x
 
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maudikie

Guest
Penelope.

It sounds as though you have not obtained a "Carers needs assessment".
As you are prgnant you wil no doubt be in contact with your g.P. and midwife or Health Visior. Ask then hw you can get this assessment. If not them then contact the mental Health Team and ask them. At present whilst not forgetting or caring about y our mother, your priority is yourself and your baby. When you get someone to come and assess YOUR needs tell them what you have written o n here, but also make a list of what would help you most to cope. Take care. and GET ON WITH GETTING YOUR OWN ASSESSMENT OF NEED AS A CARER.:hug::hug:
Take care.
 
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maudikie

Guest
Maudikie.

Carers U.K. may be able to help. You have been going through a bad time for a long time. You should now thin k of your baby and yourself first. As yyour mother is in hospital she should be getting the care that she needs, so try to stop worrying about that.
 
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hopetohelp

New member
Joined
Jan 22, 2010
Messages
1
Location
hampshire
hi

hello i wont sit here and tell you that i feel sorry for you and i know that probably isnt what you want to hear and wont help you and i wont sit here and tell i know what your going through because i know from experinece that hearing that doesnt help but i want you to i have some understanding with what you are going through especially with your mum as i to have a mother who has servere mental health problems and has had since i was a child i saw abd heard things that no child should ever have to see or hear as a child and i was sole carer for my mum for most of my childhood and even now i am an adult so i can relate to your post immensly and i want to know you are not alone with how you feel i hope this message helps you.
 
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