I just can't cope no more with this

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hootytooty118

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Jun 13, 2018
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#1
I'm really struggling today, I've had anxiety and depression for 22 years now. Over the years the docotor as changed my antidepressants, In april of this year he changed me from citalopram to fluoxitine, I was only on fluoxitine for 4 weeks and he had to change me back to citalopram because of the server side effects of the fluoxtine. I started to improve the last 2 weeks, but today I've had a complete melt down, went to the doctors because my friend came around with one of them blood pressure machines and told me my blood pressure was low and it could harm me, well doctor took blood pressure today and told me i am fine. But the thing is with my anxiety I fear heart attacks and death, now all day long Ive had anxiety and adrenaline rushes and been very low, I keep thinking I'm going to die, Im really struggling, Ive meditated, took diazapam and propanol, Im on a waiting list for counselling, I cant stop crying, I just dont want to live like this no more, Please as anyone got any advice xx
 
bluekii

bluekii

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#2
Hi HootyTooty,

Firstly, you do not have to live like this anymore. You do not deserve to suffer, and sometimes the road to getting better is bumpy and long but in the end it is very much worth it. Have you looked up any mental health groups where you can go and learn of ways to cope with anxiety and other negative thoughts? Attending these sessions can be a scary thought, but very beneficial! I attended an anxiety course for a few weeks before having to give it up due to College term starting.

It's normal to have ups and downs, so don't feel bad for the bad days, we all have them, we are not robots. Usually before we get better we get a little worse, and with your change of tablets, that seems to be the case.

Try to look after yourself and keep yourself comfortable, and surround yourself with good people. The people on here are caring and understanding, and know what you are going through, and it's good to be able to trust and have people who can relate to you, rather than talk to someone who has no idea. :p

I know it is hard to believe, especially if you have anxiety which revolves around this subject, but you are not going to drop dead. I can relate in a way, I get pains in my chest and instantly I think this is it, this is how it ends. But in reality, no, it's not. I have to just breathe and step back and think, okay, is it trapped wind, breast pain from hormones or growth, or acid reflux?

I wish you all the best and hope you feel better soon, please talk to the members on here and have a look through the forums, you may find somewhere to relax and talk with others. x​
 
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hootytooty118

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#3
Thank you so much for your quick reply, I have a partner, but I feel so alone, I find it difficult to talk to him about this, he knows how I feel but I don't want to put this all on him. I just wish i could stop these negative thoughts, I do meditation, breathing in and out, I've had cbt and counselling, but I feel like this is beating me at the moment. I know deep down these are just thoughts, but when they happen they feel so real, I just wish I knew how to break the cycle. xx
 
bluekii

bluekii

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#4
Thank you so much for your quick reply, I have a partner, but I feel so alone, I find it difficult to talk to him about this, he knows how I feel but I don't want to put this all on him. I just wish i could stop these negative thoughts, I do meditation, breathing in and out, I've had cbt and counselling, but I feel like this is beating me at the moment. I know deep down these are just thoughts, but when they happen they feel so real, I just wish I knew how to break the cycle. xx
You're very welcome! I think you should seek some comfort from your partner, do not feel bad about unloading how you feel onto him, if he knows how you feel and you need a little bit of extra support, please try not to feel afraid to ask for it, it's very important. <3

Your feelings are real and valid and it is important to not try to ignore them but to try and challenge them instead and counter them. You mention you had CBT and counselling, are you not attending anymore? Sounds like you may need to see someone again, there's no shame in that. x

Breathing exercises are so important and excellent. I need to try them myself, haha.
 
H

hootytooty118

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#5
I'm on a 5 month waiting list for more counselling. I've had around 4 to 5 lots over the 20 years, The amount of knowledge I know about anxiety and depression and I can't help myself, I sit here repeating mantras saying things like " anxiety if only a feeling it cant harm me" " I can beat this, I will beat this" I know my guided meditation apps off by heart, I could give advice to anyone who suffers this, but just cant help myself, I'm sitting here at the moment crying my eyes out feeling sorry for myself. x
 
Cazcat

Cazcat

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#6
I'm on a 5 month waiting list for more counselling. I've had around 4 to 5 lots over the 20 years, The amount of knowledge I know about anxiety and depression and I can't help myself, I sit here repeating mantras saying things like " anxiety if only a feeling it cant harm me" " I can beat this, I will beat this" I know my guided meditation apps off by heart, I could give advice to anyone who suffers this, but just cant help myself, I'm sitting here at the moment crying my eyes out feeling sorry for myself. x
I know mental health professionals who have long periods off sick with their own mental health problems. You don't need to fix things by yourself. I'm a physio, I know all the theory and exercises but I can't always treat myself. I also have a long history with depression and like you I know the theory, but the first thing I do when I start to slip is nook in with my GP and counsellor. I do all the self care stuff too, but that's not always enough.
 
H

hootytooty118

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Jun 13, 2018
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#7
Thank you cazcat, I just feel so anxious and depressed at the moment, ive been to my doctor today, he did put my mind at rest by doing my blood pressure and reasuring me im not going to die of heart attack, but as soon as i got home i started panicking again. my mind feels like im on a round about and i cant get off. I would never commit suiside, but when im like this, i just dont want to live. Im so sorry if im going on and making anyone feel down.x
 
Cazcat

Cazcat

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#8
Another thing I find is that I sometimes try to force myself to get better by doing all the things I know I should do then get frustrated when it doesn't work quickly enough. Sometimes you need to take the pressure to feel better off yourself and just give yourself time.
 
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foreverbeach11

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Mar 21, 2018
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#9
I know how you feel. It's easier for me to help other people than help myself. There are times people are experiencing the same thing as myself and I can help them but then I have difficulty getting myself out. Now that the doctor has said that you are okay, maybe try to think about the words he said during your visit. Maybe focusing on the words he used to say you were okay can help you refocus your thoughts. I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Maybe consider talking to your partner when things get really difficult. Maybe he can help you ease the pressure that you are experiencing. Wishing you the best.
 
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jemj

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ohio
#10
I feel the same way. I would never want to hurt my family by committing suicide, but at the same time I prey for death everyday out of fear, anxiety and depression. They say there is a light at the end of the tunnel and God will take care of everything, but it really does seem hopeless. Hang in there, my friend. It has to get better.
 

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